2nd and 3rd Degree burn

[blue_skies_ahead]

My exUBPDexH insisted he knew better then doctors and didn't take our son to be treated.  Said he world employ his loving  judgment on when or Where medical treatment by Doctors in filthy clinics that prescribe "magic potions" are more qualified than him.  I'm at a loss.   I've missed work at a   new job intended to stabilize my life with our son and am now Facebook looking like a flake in the eyes of my employer because I had to get him treated for injuries he received with my ex

[ForeverDad]

Child Protective Services or some other children's agency may be tasked to handle reports of substantive (1) abuse, (2) endangerment or (3) neglect.  This could be seen as neglect.  It may or may not be seen as sufficiently serious to be 'actionable' but at the very least document it with a doctor examination and probably too a report to CPS and see what happens.  Even if nothing is done now, it may lay the groundwork for later when a pattern can be established.

[livednlearned]

Is this a pattern? Not seeking medical treatment?

[blue_skies_ahead]

Hi.  Yes.  Since our split, he's taken on his family's opinion of doctors and returns him to me ill causing me to miss work and our son to become sicker than necessary.  He's been returned to me with the flu and bronchitis in 2013 (all documented).

[livednlearned]

Hi.  Yes.  Since our split, he's taken on his family's opinion of doctors and returns him to me ill causing me to miss work and our son to become sicker than necessary.  He's been returned to me with the flu and bronchitis in 2013 (all documented).

Sorry for your son  :'(

That won't go over well in court. Family court tends to be very conservative about this stuff, they won't care what your ex's opinions of doctors are. Even when religion is involved, it can be hard for a family to justify not treating a child for obvious medical conditions.

Documenting it is the best you can do. How old is your son? Can you ask the school of child care providers to call you whenever there is an absence reported (if they don't already?)

I don't know how you would handle this if your son is getting sick on weekends.

It took me a few years to get full custody. Document everything -- you already know, but I found it helped me to keep hearing people say that. It's tedious, takes a lot of time, but it matters.

[blue_skies_ahead]

He is 8.

I want to change the parenting plan to specify who gets to miss work if they drop off a sick child to school.  I would love to do this every time, but realistically I can't without  jeopardizing my work.  He just drops him off and if the school calls, I have to leave to pick up.  I think that if he drops our child off sick, he should have to retrieve him and take sick leave AND take him into his pediatrician.  I'm so fed up!

[blue_skies_ahead]

Then there's always the fact that he suddenly doesn't believe in doctors so am I just trying to drive a square peg into a round whole?  Feeling so unempowered today.

[TCarlisle]

Sorry for what you are going through. If the parenting plan is already crafted and agreed and filed with the court, it might be hard to change. Trust me, my ex has tried. But that works in my favor.

Kids don't get serious burns unless they are neglected. His not wanting to take the child to a doctor is probably rooted in fear that the doctor will report it as neglect or abuse. I'd get your states child protective services involved to find out how a child gets seriously burned.

His beliefs in medical care are not particularly relevant -- this is not a cold or flu, it is an injury due to neglect.   

[ForeverDad]

I want to change the parenting plan to specify who gets to miss work if they drop off a sick child to school.  I would love to do this every time, but realistically I can't without  jeopardizing my work.  He just drops him off and if the school calls, I have to leave to pick up.  I think that if he drops our child off sick, he should have to retrieve him and take sick leave AND take him into his pediatrician.  I'm so fed up!

It's hard to force a parent to do parenting or cooperative parenting, just as it is impractical to force a parent to take the child at exchange time.  Realistically, your primary leverage is to seek more time so he's less likely to have an opportunity to 'dump' a sick or neglected child on you, the child would already be with you and reasonably well taken care of.

[blue_skies_ahead]

Thank you all for your input.  He is not malicious but is neglectful.  The lawyer I talked to seems to think I could be successful in getting a stricter parenting plan put in place due to the extensive list of problems I've encountered in a relatively short time since the divorce.   What's been hard is letting go and accepting that things won't go wonky because everytime I say to myself, I have to let go and trust that the arrangement will work, something bad happens and I'm brought back to a place of anxiety and fear and I lose the ability to not criticize because I take the safety of our child so seriously.   It keeps me enmeshed and ultimately unhappy and unable the fully move on in my life.  It hurts and I have trouble understanding that I cannot even ASK him to allow me the role I am entitled to as our child's mother because he's disregarded me in that role (nothing new - one of the many reasons for the divorce). He never even told me of the burn at the time it happened thereby denying me the ability to opine that a doctor be involved and yes, I do think that avoiding an ER was perhaps a way to avoid potential DCF involvement or to downplay the need and leave it open to speculation and twisting facts later.  I did get DCF involved ... . not because I think he maliciously burned our child, but because he neglected him by failing to get it treated and then instead of saying I didn't realize it was that bad, claimed he knew more than medical pros.  He needs to realize that our son's welfare is a huge boundary I'm unwilling to waver on.  Since doing that I've not heard much in the way of arguments from him so having this space has been wonderful and even though I hate going down this pathway - perhaps it's the consequence he needs to understand he can't keep doing things like this.  Pray that things get better.  Thanks again all.   So many wonderful supportive friends here.  You're great!