For almost two years my wife has carried on an affair without hiding it. i know all about it.
She says it is because I was too distant, never put enough into the family as far as planning things for us to do, taking control.
And because I involving my parents who are very upset with her about her choice. They have yelled and argued with her and said hurtful things. I did not stand up and stop the arguments other than try to civilize them so it was not yelling and screaming.
Also that I dont show enough of affection (hugs, telling her she is beautiful, doing things out of blue for her).
I have done some things that were wrong and very bad and I've apologized for my wrongs.
She will have him over and sleep with him in our home in our bed and not hide it.
I know my emotional state and how angry I am and that a lash out is not far from happening and I don't want to stoop to that level.
We were fighting once angry fighting and I couldn't do it anymore I said I was leaving and walked out to a friends. Long story short she begged me to come home that she needed me she was to sad hurt and she has history of cutting and depression so she wanted me home to talk to her calm her down comfort her And help with our daughter. Told her I wouldn't go home I needed time and didn't want to fight and make things worse.
I went home once I thought she would be asleep to check and make sure she didn't cut or hurt herself. She had hinted at it and still begged and told me to be hone so I was there for my daughter in morning. I later got a text from her affair partner saying he was worried and she did something stupid took pills. Ran home angry I angrily asked her of she took them no resp once (empty bottle on table) so told her we go in Now or I call 911. So I called and she was taken in.
I chose to stay at home and wait until my daughter woke up that morning to go see my wife. Idk why I out all this in here but I abanded her and didn't care because I didn't go with her to er or even follow her up right away. I don't get it.
Now she is pregnant for the 3rd time with this guy and she blames it now on me this time because the second time I was supportive with what ever she chosen to do and she chose abortion again to try and save us so I promised to stop chewing so we could later have one of our own once we fixed us.
I decided no divorce but i will go to someone else to make me seeing might loose her in hopes it would shock me and make me try and win her back. Now ok yeah logic i get make the feel they will loose so they try harder but really an affair? thoughts?
With the exception of having the affairs to my knowledge - everything you have said is exactly, almost word for word, the same thing I lived through with my ex. Even down to her wanting me to calm her down and soothe her anxieties.
I haven't had a chance to read all the other replies - and I am not going to offer a suggestion on what you should do except this - focus on yourself. You need to have time to heal and understand why you would put yourself (or keep yourself) in this type of r/s.
it sounds like you are hurting, like most of here are or have... . and that is a horrible place to be.
for me... . the best thing I could have done was the last time my ex said she "wanted out" - I calmly said "okay". And that was pretty much that.
Yes there were detachment issues I've been dealing with - and subsequently ending up here at this site helped me understand exactly what I was up against... . but all in all the peace I have now in my life I wouldn't want to trade it for another year in that roller coaster of an existence.
but that is me.
The experience has taught me a lot about myself, my history, what I thought I knew and what I actually know. And I do appreciate the lessons. Now it is time, for me, to move on and be healed.
