I know that my feeling of rejection at the end of one of his 'episodes' is something i have to learn to deal with. Only, it is so difficult. This would mean starting at the bottom, getting my feeling of self-respect and self-worth back... . sometimes before i have recovered from one another happens... .
Yes, i think we just have to always keep in mind that their reality is different.
This is very true, Lilibeth.
It might sound like a small thing, but something that has been quite significant in my healing is to remember what MY reality is. The feelings that come up in me cannot be disregarded simply because I believe him to be disordered. When I have been able to find the strength to express these feelings, positive change has taken place.
We are the other half of this relationship and dynamic. If we're attaching our self-worth to something/someone outside of ourselves, we're handing over our strength while feeding the dysfunction and in a way, starving ourselves. Not quite what we truly desire... .
It's been important for me to learn
how not to abandon myself.