Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 04:07:24 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Getting Out of My Own Head  (Read 424 times)
DazedButNotConfused

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 30 + years
Posts: 40


« on: March 12, 2014, 01:04:29 PM »

I have been living with BPD for a long time  -  and usually I can handle the symptoms that my dBPDh thows at me. Today is different.

My dBPDh is out of the house (for once!) and I find myself looking at the holes in the walls, the broken windows, the stains on the carpet from where he threw whatever, and the general chaos of his stuff being piled everywhere and I am sad. I remember when I was proud of our house and how I kept it, remember what it was like to have the money to fix things that were broken, remember what it was like to put things away and not trip over papers and clothes and used coffee mugs ... .

Usually, I can look past all this, remember the past is the past, and can somehow come to grips that this is all part of the disease and thereby feel, if not better, at least, that things are what they are given the hell that is BPD.

I guess I have just come to my own answer  -  today I feel the way I do  -  and now I have to work on the feeling that this, too, shall pass.

Hard sometimes though ... .

DBNC
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Olinda
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Engaged - 3 years, living together
Posts: 101



« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 03:11:41 PM »

sending you a big hug. 
Logged

Determined1

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 36



« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2014, 12:46:18 AM »

I feel your pain and struggle :-(
Logged
Love Is Not Enough
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Engaged and living together
Posts: 292

Confidence is the gateway to hope


« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2014, 10:35:33 AM »

 

Do something great for yourself in his absence  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Logged

Never to suffer would never to have been blessed ~ Edgar Allan Poe
DazedButNotConfused

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 30 + years
Posts: 40


« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2014, 03:15:09 PM »

Thank you all for your responses. It is almost odd that sometimes, just sometimes, things just seem to get too big.

It is almost like you know what is up, understand what is happening, but, for some unknown reason, almost mourn what you once thought could have been. It makes no sense to mourn - you know that  -  but still, something takes over and you you do it anyway.

Funny way the brain works  -  in the pwBPD AND us!

DBNC
Logged
123Phoebe
Staying and Undecided
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2070



« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2014, 03:20:18 PM »

It makes no sense to mourn

It doesn't?

Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2014, 05:51:07 AM »

Is there some way you can have some physical space of your own that you can keep in order, so that you don't loose sight of how you can really be. Constantly in someone elses mess can be very depressing, no matter how well you understand the reasons why it is so.

You need somewhere you can be who you are.
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
DazedButNotConfused

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 30 + years
Posts: 40


« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2014, 02:27:19 PM »

Is there some way you can have some physical space of your own that you can keep in order, so that you don't loose sight of how you can really be. Constantly in someone elses mess can be very depressing, no matter how well you understand the reasons why it is so.

You need somewhere you can be who you are.

At the present moment, there is no place. dBPDh lost his job due to the use of street drugs and alcohol so he is here and everywhere in the house always. I have been told not to do for him those things he can do  -  so I don't. That is why the mess and lack of order.

Truthfully, the only time I get to myself, I jump on here  -  sometimes signed in, sometimes not. It lets me know I am not alone in BPD land and gives me hope that maybe someday his DBT therapy will bring some results. (The only reason I am here now is that he once again took off for points unknown.)

30 years of this ... . man, I feel so old.

Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2014, 05:46:07 PM »

he is here and everywhere in the house always. I have been told not to do for him those things he can do  -  so I don't. That is why the mess and lack of order.

This is a pain isn't it? I'm the same, you know not to enable by cleaning up after, but if they dont care, it changes nothing except you living in a mess too and feeling miserable. I'm not just taking about a few things out of place here, but literal filth everywhere.

I made a decison that there are somethings I would just take over, and others i won't. A  compromise/pay off I deliberately take chunks of "my time" when I want... This part was rad fought.

The big problem is it starts to feel like a carers job rather than a partnership.

Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Lilibeth
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 195



« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2014, 01:35:57 AM »

Sending you a big hug and lots of positive energies, DazedButNotConfused.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!