Can't seem to agree on preschools - any suggestions?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Although I am still "staying", I thought this might be the most experienced board to post this in.

Our D3 got a spot in our local school district's preschool.  She made it in through their lottery.  I have to register her tomorrow (Friday) for the upcoming school year.

For the past few months she has been attending a private preschool for a few days a week.  Now my uBPDw and I need to decide whether to keep her where she is or enroll her in the local school district's preschool.

We toured the new place last week.  It looked good.  A few days ago my wife asked me what I preferred.  I said I need to think about it, and let's discuss.  She thought it through out loud and started to lean slightly towards where D3 is now.  I later thought through the pros and cons and started to lean strongly to the new place.

Today we talked about it.  She reiterated her preference, which has now apparently become a strong one.  I acknowledged it.  Then I shared the "why" of what drives me to what I prefer.  From there I shared the reasons why I prefer the new one.  I now believe it just makes more sense, will be at least as good for D3, and will give us better flexibility over the next year, which also generally means less BPD-style nastiness for little to no reason.

My wife then argued for her points several times.  But each time, the supporting evidence changed and contradicted what she had said before.  So I'm thinking her preference is more emotional than logical.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to convince my wife and get our D3 into the new school.  I do believe it will be better for D3 and better for us all around.  But just a few months ago, when my wife and I disagreed on the number of days to put her in preschool for, my wife got more and more nasty, threatened to move from our bedroom to our D3's, and then a few days later changed D3's preschool schedule without telling me.

Any suggestions?  I want the best for D3 and, at this point, don't really care too much about how my uBPDw reacts.  I just want a good outcome, which I believe to be the new place, and I want that decision to stick.

[zaqsert]

Although I am still "staying", I thought this might be the most experienced board to post this in.

Our D3 got a spot in our local school district's preschool.  She made it in through their lottery.  I have to register her tomorrow (Friday) for the upcoming school year.

For the past few months she has been attending a private preschool for a few days a week.  Now my uBPDw and I need to decide whether to keep her where she is or enroll her in the local school district's preschool.

We toured the new place last week.  It looked good.  A few days ago my wife asked me what I preferred.  I said I need to think about it, and let's discuss.  She thought it through out loud and started to lean slightly towards where D3 is now.  I later thought through the pros and cons and started to lean strongly to the new place.

Today we talked about it.  She reiterated her preference, which has now apparently become a strong one.  I acknowledged it.  Then I shared the "why" of what drives me to what I prefer.  From there I shared the reasons why I prefer the new one.  I now believe it just makes more sense, will be at least as good for D3, and will give us better flexibility over the next year, which also generally means less BPD-style nastiness for little to no reason.

My wife then argued for her points several times.  But each time, the supporting evidence changed and contradicted what she had said before.  So I'm thinking her preference is more emotional than logical.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to convince my wife and get our D3 into the new school.  I do believe it will be better for D3 and better for us all around.  But just a few months ago, when my wife and I disagreed on the number of days to put her in preschool for, my wife got more and more nasty, threatened to move from our bedroom to our D3's, and then a few days later changed D3's preschool schedule without telling me.

Any suggestions?  I want the best for D3 and, at this point, don't really care too much about how my uBPDw reacts.  I just want a good outcome, which I believe to be the new place, and I want that decision to stick.

[david]

This is totally a shot in the dark. Write it all done. Both your pros and cons and her pros and cons. Then discuss one at a time. When you are done add the pros and cons up and see which one adds up the most.