uBPDh and his teenage son...

[Happy73]

Question... .

I married my uBPDh and he has a son who is a Senior this year in High School.  He has recently started dating a girl and this is his first real girlfriend.  He has let some things slip at home and at school.  So yes, we are both trying to help him redirect and get back on track.

My question is this... .

The son has talked to his gf about his feelings about dealing with his father and all the hurtful things he has gone through because of the BPD.  He tells his girlfriend his feeling, but when his father asked he is like a deer in the headlight and just answers to not get in trouble.  Well his dad took his phone and read all his txt and is VERY hurt.  He is lashing out at him and at me because he feels like we are gaining up on him.  Tell us that he is tired of being the one that is always picked on. 

I know my uBPDh is trying hard to change, but it is going to get worse because I am no longer trying to make things better, I am trying very hard to validate, but not fix for him.

Please tell me how to handle his anger.

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[MissyM]

I am not great with the anger either.  I would try validating that he feels hurt and angry.  Then the at the same time, your son has a right to his feelings and thoughts.  It seems when I use phrases like this, my dBPDh will parrot them back to the kids.