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Author Topic: In desperate need of support :(  (Read 356 times)
joshbjoshb
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 241


« on: March 19, 2014, 01:55:59 PM »

Very uncommon to me, I drank too much. Came home, wife was yelling at me, I started yelling back that she needs to give me respect and if not I am going to leave. She grabbed the house keys from my hand (I was actually on my way out!) and I stayed.

Following day I said to her that yes, I am at a situation that I am very much in distress over her behavior, and really can't deal with her constant negativity and criticism.

She of course found a proof that this is what I really wanted to do all along.

Just to give you a clue of what type of conversation I have with her... .

"You want to leave? Leave!" she said.

I sigh. I said already 50 times today that I don't want to leave, but feel for my mental well being I need to leave.

":)o you want me to leave?" I ask.

"Actually no. You destroyed me so much that I have no family and no friends, so if you will leave I might have a nervous breakdown or commit suicide. Then you will be happy because you have the children."

All of her alarms are on full gear. Of course I am to blame that she can't sleep or eat, and if only I will stop being a control freak everything will be fine.

I am so sick.

So tired.

And need some hugs, and love

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

an0ught
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2014, 02:25:29 PM »

Hi joshbjoshb,

perfection is not achievable and this would have happened sooner or later. Still tough 

Excerpt
I sigh. I said already 50 times today that I don't want to leave, but feel for my mental well being I need to leave.

I guess it is time to make clear to her that you hate her... .

Not really, but you can't pretend to be happy with her all the time and feel different. By your own admission you are lying to her and I doubt the tone of your voice is not giving you away and triggering her. Sometimes one is upset and angry and it is ok too.

Maybe time to switch to a more dialectic message -

Excerpt
"Actually no. You destroyed me so much that I have no family and no friends, so if you will leave I might have a nervous breakdown or commit suicide. Then you will be happy because you have the children."

I hate you too and then I love you too. My head is spinning and I need a break. See you later.

Grey messages are difficult to get right to get through to her so black and white messages can sometimes stand in.
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DazedButNotConfused

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 30 + years
Posts: 40


« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2014, 02:32:00 PM »

Josh,

I think I understand where you are now... . and I am there with you. I just wanted to send you a big hug and a prayer ... .

I have no sage words of advice but I do know that you are not alone in what you are feeling and experiencing. It really is a difficult road we travel.
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