responsibility

[foggydew]

Boy, am I worried. Charlie has been having training for his new job, has also taken on extra work from an old friend, and everything was apparently going well. Yesterday the old behaviour surfaced, but was defused... . I had a few suspicions, but now I know... he finished a whole bottle of vodka yesterday evening.

This is an ongoing problem that I know about... but he was working so hard and doing well. Now I see his job in danger, and he is only 'on probation' for the first month. I'm no stranger to alcoholism, mother was alcoholic but beat it, late husband also. I know that I can't take responsibility for it, that it is outside of my control. But there are other aspects too. Also a kind of responsibilty.

 

One is the aspect of total acceptance... accepting the person with all their difficulties and failings, as well as the positive sides they show. Sure I do that.

The other aspect I see is the limited possibilty of trying to offer alternatives to blasting himself away after work. By being there, by providing distractions, by providing a weaker form of alcohol which is mentally more interesting ( a special type of beer, discuss its characteristics). Getting a couple of friends to call him and provide positive feedback. At least for a short time, until this initial period of fear and stress is past. This means taking responsibility for a short time. Yes, I know... . it shouldn't be my responsibility. But even in perfectly normal relationships, it's good when someone takes over for a short while in times of difficulty. This is a time of difficulty for him, new situations, new people, too much work... when I saw him last night he kept saying 'fail, fail, fail' and seemed to be meaning me - now I think he was talking about himself.

Someone with this disorder really has  problems. Somehow I feel that it's a bit too much to expect him to deal with the disorder, substance abuse, stress, new situation... all on his own and all at once. He IS capable of reducing intake, but not during stress.

He really wants this job, I really want him to have it. I was enjoying the free time too, after being his only contact person during 6 months of unemployment. He can be so childlike.

So, please tell me what you think... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

Hi foggydew,

we can't always prevent toddlers to fall over when they try start walking. We certainly have to prevent them falling down the stairs. Boundaries are balancing acts and are grounded in our values. That helps us working through conflicts between them when they arise.

Tough situation with the alcohol involved. Not sure it helps you answering your question   

[foggydew]

Boundaries are balancing acts and are grounded in our values. That helps us working through conflicts between them when they arise.

Tough situation with the alcohol involved. Not sure it helps you answering your question   

Thanks. It has helped.  My values... exactly.