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Skills we were never taught
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A 3 Minute Lesson
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Author Topic: Money is not everything, BUT...  (Read 682 times)
Mike_confused
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« Reply #30 on: March 28, 2014, 08:39:22 AM »

Thicker skin,

I did not mean to imply that only women marry for money.  I do recognize that BPD makes it extremely difficult for the sufferer to think of anything or anyone but their own needs - at least for very long.
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ivan da terrible

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« Reply #31 on: March 28, 2014, 09:57:40 AM »

Mike,

I am coming to the party late, and have not read all the replies, but your post could have been written by me.  There was a poster called 2010, who had a very good grasp on why BPDs want stuff... . money, and material things.  You will have to search for those posts, but it is worth it.
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thicker skin
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« Reply #32 on: March 29, 2014, 10:05:02 AM »

Oh Mike... . I didn't think you were implying that  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

There are some shallow women out there... . I don't like them myself!

Relationships consist of all sorts of contributions. Some men are cross if the wife doesn't work, but raises the kids, keeps house and aids his day to day living. If your time is spent in a busy and productive way, to the better of the family that you've each made, then surely, each has provided and done their job?

We all have different ideas of what works or who works for us and how.

God bless our mums, I say. I've worked in construction and I've had three kids. Construction was a walk in the park compared to the monotonous, demanding, daily, unpaid grind of parenthood and endless chores. I wouldn't change it for the world though. I would change my partners view of motherhood.  I don't consider it to be 'not in work'.

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Mike_confused
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« Reply #33 on: March 29, 2014, 11:25:12 AM »

Thicker skin,

I whole heartedly agree with your statement about being productive and contributing to the good of the family.   I consider maintaining a home a huge contribution... . yes, a career.  Anything that lightens the collective burdens of the family is a blessing and is productive.

to add to someone's burden due to unrealistic, self-centered demands on the other hand... .

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thicker skin
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« Reply #34 on: March 29, 2014, 12:04:04 PM »

High five to you Mike  Smiling (click to insert in post)

With you in all sentiments.

My partner has felt that my work and contribution has been of such little importance, that he said it was nothing and excluded me from all family assets... .

After 22 years, I figure he knows where the Vacuum is and given as it's nothing, it won't take him long to do. He could try cleaning the loo too :-)

I cook, I do the laundry and I wash up. I also meet the kids every need. Beyond that, I'm no longer adding nothing to nothing and I drew the line at working my fingers to the bone for a roof over my head til the kids leave home.



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thicker skin
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« Reply #35 on: March 29, 2014, 12:06:39 PM »

My partner considers my expectations to be unrealistic, selfish and demanding... .

A joint mortgage.

A shared parenting approach.

Shared bills.

Better communication.

Mutual respect for our contributions... .
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Mike_confused
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« Reply #36 on: March 31, 2014, 10:06:35 AM »

Thicker Skin,

those seem to be realistic expectations to me.
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MissyM
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« Reply #37 on: March 31, 2014, 03:43:08 PM »

I hear you Thicker Skin, I have added equal access and accountability over money.  My dBPDh doesn't let me have access or information about our finances, and he only wants me to be accountable for spending.  He makes stupid decisions regarding large sums of money and wants to micromanage the small purchases I make.
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