Help, I am being deleted from my family one thing at a time :(

[Narrow Gate]

I am not invited to dinner (she tells me she only cooked for the kids), and if I cook she is not hungery, not invited to go out of town with the family, been kicked out of the bedroom, not expected to do anything around the house, but I am railled on for not doing anything around the house. Every chance she has to remove me from something she acts.  No longer in family pictures that she posts on the web.  Every day it feels like I am slowly fading from the world.   :'(   

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Boisnix79]

Yikes, you may need to find elsewhere to be for a while... .

[HopefulDad]

This comes and goes for me with my BPDw, so I can relate.  Since you cannot make her do anything, you have to respect her choices... .

Dinner for the kids only: "Okay, I'll take care of dinner for myself."

She's doesn't want to eat your cooking: "Okay, help yourself to the leftovers."

Not invited to go out of town with the family: "Kids, have fun with mom."  But feel free to plan something on your own, inviting her at your choosing.

Not expected to do stuff around the house: ":)o you want me to help with this?  No?  Okay.  I'm here if you need me."

... . and getting attacked when you follow through: "I understand your frustration, but I did offer to help and you said no."

The only one I think you need to set a boundary on is getting kicked out of the bedroom.  Nobody kicks you out of anywhere unless you let them.  If you want to sleep in the bed, tell her so.  If the decision to sleep separately is driven by her, then she needs to take the action, not make you take the action.

Of course try to SET during all of this, but be gently firm.

[an0ught]

Hi Narrow Gate,

I am not invited to dinner (she tells me she only cooked for the kids), and if I cook she is not hungery, not invited to go out of town with the family, been kicked out of the bedroom, not expected to do anything around the house, but I am railled on for not doing anything around the house. Every chance she has to remove me from something she acts.  No longer in family pictures that she posts on the web.  Every day it feels like I am slowly fading from the world.   :'(  

Game playing  . Not real fun. She is trying to upset you. I don't think you are fading from the world. The way she acts she feels strongly connected to you.

Now if you could just reverse the polarity of that emotion.

You can only validate her being upset etc... Your own emotions are a good starting point as she will feel similar no matter how superior she acts.

As you feel so bad and mistreated think about your boundaries. You can't control her and she certainly has the right not to speak. But abuse and disrespect is something else. What are the really important boundaries for you and how to you go about protecting them?