So, this funny thing hapend...

[MissTajo]

I have a lot of insecurities when it comes to other people. This might seem weird but I trust no one. People  back stab on another, lie, deceit, hurt... . I know there are really good people out there but I basically trust no one. That's one of my biggest problems. That doesn´t make me bitter, I'm quite a happy person but inside I'm just like this suspicious thing. 

Soo I fell in love with a BPD. That's... . nice. (God has a really wicked sense of humor)

I know he lies about little things. He opens up about them later and we work things out. Until this day it was all minor stuff. So I'm waiting for the really big lie. I don't even know if it's coming but that's just my way of thinking. (wrong I know)

I don't usually do this kind of stuff but my mind had been playing tricks on me and so it just hapend.

His phone was charging in my nightstand.

I clicked to see his texts and phone calls. (I know it's wrong... . I never do this kinda stuff)

One of the last calls was a woman.

I started to feel my mind boiling but kept it somewhat cool.

Me: Who's Andrea?

Him: Who?

Me: Andrea.

Him: A friend of mine. She's a friend of my cousin actually. Why?

Me: She called you.

Him: So?

Me: You didn't tell me.

Him: If this was a guy, would you ask me the same question? Am I suppose to delete all my female friendships... . and keep only the men?

Me: No, not at all.

Him: You are putting me in a hard situation. I have friends. Female and Male. You have to trust me and realize that that is ok. You have male friends too. I trust you. You have to trust me too. I understand that we both have some jealousy issues, we have both been hurt before, but now it's you and me. We have to work on our trust issues.

Me: (thinking: Oh my God... . I'm the BPD now) Sorry, I shouldn't have gone trough your phone.

Him: It's ok. I understand.

Mind. Blown.

He was the sane one. I was the paranoid one.

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[MissTajo]

Oh, and to add more detail, in the middle of this conversation he said calmly all his passwords for all the emails, facebook and all and added: You can see them all. Im ok with that. I love you and you are the only one for me.I would never hurt you.


... . SO I have now INSIDE MY FREAKING head all his passwords and I don' want to know them so I don't get weak... .


I feel like a perfect a#$%.

[Stalwart]

Once bitten - twice shy TAJO. Nothing wrong with that. If he's honestly and openly telling you all his communications passwords etc it would seem as though you're in a good position and he sure sounds as though he understands your concerns as is able to meet them, actually works at that in a positive way and recognizes it. You're doing OK.

What Hemmingway forgot to mention, especially about past pshycological issues, is that sometime you don't mend stronger from a break, sometimes the fractures remain weak. He's a person who found that out himself, just too late to write about it.

[MissTajo]

I was the one being unbalanced in this conversation. I am aware of that. And somehow I still think it's all untrue. If I didn't have such a hard time talking to people I would seriously consider therapy for myself.

[MissTajo]

You cant believe how much Im struggling to resist to see his email. I dont want to be THAT person.

[MissyM]

I am trying to remember your story  Didn't he cheat on you?  If that is true, then in response to that trauma checking up on your partner is NORMAL.  It takes some time to rebuild trust and not feel like doing that.  It is the mind's way of trying to protect itself from another trauma.  Kind of like constantly scanning for a car that is driving erratically, after you have been hit by a crazy driver.

[MissTajo]

Hi, missm. No, he didnt cheat. My ex bf, older guy,  was seeing someone behind my back towards the end of our relationship. This wa sbefore I met my BPDbf. It did lefy a bad scar on me.

[Stalwart]

Yup infidelity in the past sure leaves scars, particularly when you're a person who 'naively' gave trust freely and that trust was abused. Like I said, once bitten - twice shy.

I know after past problems with my wife, infidelty and a lot of untruths and hiding things that trying to rebuild trust is an ongoing process. I'd love to be the trusting person I was but not enough that I'd ever set my self up a second time for a baseball bat in the head.

I've come to the cynical conclusion that I'm not certain even under the best of circumstances that we live in today that I can or should ever go back to being that unconditionally trusting person. The very nature of just how able she was to have an affair for so long without any effort or strain alarms the heck out of me. Perhaps it's the shock that she is just so able to justify it to herself under the right conditions as though it's OK, in fact deserving.

We share everything now, all our accesses to everything and if I wanted to go through her voicemails or emails I could. She also has full access to mine, what's good for the goose is good for the gander although I've never given the slightest reason for mistrust. I'm just not that way. I seldom go through her stuff but I must admit there are times I do just to verify to myself that everything's as it should be.


I once thought people should have a certain level of personal privacy like 'a woman's purse is her sanctity, not anymore though after she had a garage opener to his garage to hide her car and a cell phone he gave her for a year sitting right in her purse on the diniing room table.

I really believe now that there's nothing wrong with expecting to have a fully open marriage where no information is concealed - what's to hide? So I wouldn't feel bad because you're interested in his messages, there's nothing wrong with both people being totally honest, especially when one person can see the other has a need of confirmation. It's just respecting the needs of your spouse. That should be a pleasure to meet.