What should I say to get things moving away from my wife's silent treatment?
So my wife with BPD got mad about something I did a few weeks ago (I didn't like HER angry response, either) - and she pretty much hasn't been talking to me. She'll respond if I say good night when I go to bed or hi when i get home but nothing more.
I read a little about the recommended SET response when the person is actually talking, but do you have any suggestions for what I should or could say to get things moving in the face of this silent thing?
SET may be useful here at times however validation (the whole spectrum of negative emotions) may be more important than communicating any facts. Of course if facts are to be communicated (like "I know you are mad at me, don't really want to talk. I have to tell you that the car is broke." then SET is the way to go (probably followed by a lot of validation to get through her frustration about the broken car).
In the past I was always desperate to get things back to normal and I think that desperation showed and she withheld warmth/kindness until I apologized (kind of like a demanding bully). In this case I didn't pursue trying to get her back to be warm/kind because (a) I didn't see that I really did anything wrong and (b) I was mad about her anger patterns, and (c) I finally got confirmation from a a second and a third person that she has BPH (which is when I joined this site) and I don't want to repeat unhealthy patterns.
Silent treatments are hard to deal with and your's has been going on for a very long time . I would occasionally extend an olive branch and offer her an opportunity to save face.
Maybe others with silence treatment experience can help?