ways to cope

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all, im not sure if this is the right forum or not.

Im having a very hard time with sadness and anger after my visitation with my daughter. we have a great time together but when it comes time to bring her back it hits me like a truck. Its the worst pain I've ever felt and its getting worse, today after I dropped her off I held it together until she was gone but I cried like a baby after she left. the thing that really cuts like a knife is after my ex gets her and is walking away my daughter is giving me a look like where are you going why are you leaving me. I feel like im just wallowing in self pity and my mind is playing tricks on me.

anyone else feel this way? how do you cope?

I am in the middle of a custody battle with my ex and she is trying everything to get in the way of me and my daughters time together. her latest and lowest tactic is saying that im molesting my daughter because I change her diaper to much.

thanks for any and all words

[Eco]

Hi all, im not sure if this is the right forum or not.

Im having a very hard time with sadness and anger after my visitation with my daughter. we have a great time together but when it comes time to bring her back it hits me like a truck. Its the worst pain I've ever felt and its getting worse, today after I dropped her off I held it together until she was gone but I cried like a baby after she left. the thing that really cuts like a knife is after my ex gets her and is walking away my daughter is giving me a look like where are you going why are you leaving me. I feel like im just wallowing in self pity and my mind is playing tricks on me.

anyone else feel this way? how do you cope?

I am in the middle of a custody battle with my ex and she is trying everything to get in the way of me and my daughters time together. her latest and lowest tactic is saying that im molesting my daughter because I change her diaper to much.

thanks for any and all words

[Turkish]

Hi all, im not sure if this is the right forum or not.

Im having a very hard time with sadness and anger after my visitation with my daughter. we have a great time together but when it comes time to bring her back it hits me like a truck. Its the worst pain I've ever felt and its getting worse, today after I dropped her off I held it together until she was gone but I cried like a baby after she left. the thing that really cuts like a knife is after my ex gets her and is walking away my daughter is giving me a look like where are you going why are you leaving me. I feel like im just wallowing in self pity and my mind is playing tricks on me.

anyone else feel this way? how do you cope?

I am in the middle of a custody battle with my ex and she is trying everything to get in the way of me and my daughters time together. her latest and lowest tactic is saying that im molesting my daughter because I change her diaper to much.

thanks for any and all words

Hi Eco, I'm sorry you are hurting. I feel similarly sometimes. I told DS4 today that I was glad to have him back, and he looked me seriously in the eyes with love and said, "I miss you." We are in a 3-2-2-3 schedule so we each get the kids quite a bit. I'm coping, but their mom is not doing something so horrible as yours. Do you have what she said in writing? If so, keep that conversation going. Give them enough rope... .

Since this is a legal matter, you might do well posting on the legal board. We here are certainly glad to support you though.

You know, I can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse, the cheating, and even her all but throwing her juvenile r/s in my face for 3 months until I got her out. But I don't think I can ever forgive her for the forced abandonment of my children half of the time. I am still VERY angry about this.

[livednlearned]

Hi all, im not sure if this is the right forum or not.

Im having a very hard time with sadness and anger after my visitation with my daughter. we have a great time together but when it comes time to bring her back it hits me like a truck. Its the worst pain I've ever felt and its getting worse, today after I dropped her off I held it together until she was gone but I cried like a baby after she left. the thing that really cuts like a knife is after my ex gets her and is walking away my daughter is giving me a look like where are you going why are you leaving me. I feel like im just wallowing in self pity and my mind is playing tricks on me.

anyone else feel this way? how do you cope?

I understand the pain, Eco. Being separated from my son during the early days of the divorce was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. The first holiday without him I cried almost nonstop. A friend flew from across the country to stay with me, and that helped. Your daughter is so much younger, and I imagine it must be even more acutely painful.

A friend of mine was estranged from his dad for most of his adult life, and when his dad died, he went to clean out his home. He found years and years of letters his dad wrote to him, after decades of no contact. It had a profound affect on my friend -- I never fully understood the whole story behind the estrangement, but for my friend, it was a huge gift to discover that his dad never stopped thinking about him, and loving him, even when they were apart. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

When my son would spend holidays with his dad, and I didn't get to see him, I wrote letters to him. I haven't been very consistent, but it does help when the feelings are so strong and I need to channel them somewhere.

[Eco]

Do you have what she said in writing? If so, keep that conversation going. Give them enough rope... .

yes I have the confrontation on video and the barrage of texts after it happened, I am in the middle of building a case against my ex

Since this is a legal matter, you might do well posting on the legal board. We here are certainly glad to support you though.

thank you, I have been posting on the legal board and they have given me some great advice.

You know, I can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse, the cheating, and even her all but throwing her juvenile r/s in my face for 3 months until I got her out. But I don't think I can ever forgive her for the forced abandonment of my children half of the time. I am still VERY angry about this.

I know what you mean, that's the part that angers me. the way they use children and drag them through the mud for their own gain.

I understand the pain, Eco. Being separated from my son during the early days of the divorce was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. The first holiday without him I cried almost nonstop. A friend flew from across the country to stay with me, and that helped. Your daughter is so much younger, and I imagine it must be even more acutely painful.

thank you L&L, Im sorry you had to endure that I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Because my daughter is so young (13 months) she seems so vulnerable and innocent and I want to protect her, I feel like im letting a monster walk away with her.

A friend of mine was estranged from his dad for most of his adult life, and when his dad died, he went to clean out his home. He found years and years of letters his dad wrote to him, after decades of no contact. It had a profound affect on my friend -- I never fully understood the whole story behind the estrangement, but for my friend, it was a huge gift to discover that his dad never stopped thinking about him, and loving him, even when they were apart. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

When my son would spend holidays with his dad, and I didn't get to see him, I wrote letters to him. I haven't been very consistent, but it does help when the feelings are so strong and I need to channel them somewhere.

that's great, my counselor gave me a similar idea so I have kept a journal for my daughter explaining how much I love her and how much I missed her and the ways I have tried to be in her life. its from birth to present day  and does help.

[momtara]

Ugh, she's a baby!  I do hope you get some decent parenting time.  How much do you have now?  Be strong. 

[Eco]

Ugh, she's a baby!  I do hope you get some decent parenting time.  How much do you have now?  Be strong.

right now I get 12 hrs each week, 2 hrs on mon and wed and 4 hrs on sat and sun.  in June overnights start

thanks everyone for the support

[Turkish]

Ugh, she's a baby!  I do hope you get some decent parenting time.  How much do you have now?  Be strong.

right now I get 12 hrs each week, 2 hrs on mon and wed and 4 hrs on sat and sun.  in June overnights start

thanks everyone for the support

That is good news! Since you've been kept from her, when you get her more, it might be a good idea to hold or cuddle her until she falls asleep... it will help her bond more closely with you. No amount of healthy affection is too much, IMO. Look her in the eyes often and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her. My T shared something with me once... . children define themselves by their parents' faces (and demeanor). I walk by two mirrors after bath time with DD2 and have her look at us together. I tell her she is the best, most beautiful and greatest baby ever made in the world. I tell her this all if the time. She sees that I love her, and that she has worth (to juxtapose the lack of self worth of a pwBPD). You are strong, stable, and constant. Show that to your child, and she will mirror it, internalize it, and detach as her own self, stable, healthy, and whole.

[momtara]

Great!  How many overnights?  Keep up the good work.

[Eco]

That is good news! Since you've been kept from her, when you get her more, it might be a good idea to hold or cuddle her until she falls asleep... it will help her bond more closely with you. No amount of healthy affection is too much, IMO. Look her in the eyes often and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her. My T shared something with me once... . children define themselves by their parents' faces (and demeanor). I walk by two mirrors after bath time with DD2 and have her look at us together. I tell her she is the best, most beautiful and greatest baby ever made in the world. I tell her this all if the time. She sees that I love her, and that she has worth (to juxtapose the lack of self worth of a pwBPD). You are strong, stable, and constant. Show that to your child, and she will mirror it, internalize it, and detach as her own self, stable, healthy, and whole.

that's great that you do that with your daughter. I do the same thing, except with the sleeping part or nap my ex has got my daughter to the point where she can only sleep while in the car seat or breastfeeding. a bottle works too but my ex wont give me pumped milk for a bottle. that's another thing im addressing when I go back to court.

Great!  How many overnights?  Keep up the good work

in june it will be from sat at 2pm to sun at 6pm and then in jan it will be fri at 6pm to sun 6pm. however I will be going back to court before then so im hoping I will get more time by jan. im looking for at least 50/50 if not me as primary