Stumbled back across here

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi everyone

Stumbled across this website again... New computer blah blah... Was a member 5 years ago... Got me through so much... . Anywho... Never told this story... Last summer... 6 years out... Hadnt seen her... Post on Facebook Im going to a local Blues festival with my son... . He takes off... I come ut of this festival tent with a real good looking female friend... turn west up King St... . Look up... and who is coming at me staring straight in my face but her... . I stare her down and she walks by with a half smirk... I check her out from head to foot... See her shoes... A pair of cork platforms... Fast forward ... . Monday morning... . 3 blocks west where I work... Have to pull into a parking lot... Where you swipe your card to get in... I pull up ... . go to swipe my card ... What is sitting on top of the speaker/swiper... but one cork platform shoe... I freaked ... 6 years later... .

[gary1958]

Hi everyone

Stumbled across this website again... New computer blah blah... Was a member 5 years ago... Got me through so much... . Anywho... Never told this story... Last summer... 6 years out... Hadnt seen her... Post on Facebook Im going to a local Blues festival with my son... . He takes off... I come ut of this festival tent with a real good looking female friend... turn west up King St... . Look up... and who is coming at me staring straight in my face but her... . I stare her down and she walks by with a half smirk... I check her out from head to foot... See her shoes... A pair of cork platforms... Fast forward ... . Monday morning... . 3 blocks west where I work... Have to pull into a parking lot... Where you swipe your card to get in... I pull up ... . go to swipe my card ... What is sitting on top of the speaker/swiper... but one cork platform shoe... I freaked ... 6 years later... .

[Mutt]

Welcome back garry1958   I'm sorry that you got triggered like that.

6 years is a long-time, what have you been up to since you last logged in and now, if you don't mind me asking?

[snappybrowneyes]

A sane gal would NEVER leave a cute shoe lying around! Lol

In all seriousness though sorry you are having to deal with this so far out.

[gary1958]

Coincidence... . hmmmmm... . Found it odd to see on that Monday morning. She new I worked there as well... . Since her I had a 2 year relationship. It ended for reasons beyond my control but we are still friends. As for this wacko, she has tried to make contact about a half dozen times over the years. I ignored all of them except the last two. Both my parents passed away in 2012 and she contacted the morning there obituaries hit the paper giving me her condolances. I took the high road and thanked her and wished her well. But I thought to myself, who scopes out obituaries everyday online or in the paper waiting to see one you know. Then I though maybe she had been creeping my Facebook as I announced both deaths on there as well. Didn't set me back bumping onto here at all. Just kind of freaked me out a bit. Hadn't seen her in almost 7 years and memories came rushing back... . Mostly bad ones... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Yep, these folks can get hooks in deep, really just a byproduct of the loaded bond between us, that part in them that touches the deepest parts of us in the worst ways.  

I saw mine about a year and a half after I left her, and at first I had a little panic attack, freaked out internally and almost lost it, but I kept it together and calmed down, and really looked.  I had seen her before she saw me, and she had that same shtty look on her face that I came to realize was her base state when I was with her, and when she saw me a look of surprise/shock crossed her face, and she then immediately turned on the sugar, her eyes lit up, her voice went up in pitch, the same fabricated happy she'd used, and that worked so well, back in the day.  She'd gained maybe 40 pounds and was looking a little unkempt, but not all that different from when we were together at least in essence.  We were in a crowd and I kept it short, and left shaking my head; how did I ever find that attractive?  I was susceptible, needy and delusional, and got lost, both in my hopes and dreams and the loaded bond we formed together.  

Can I say it will never happen again?  Not with her, certainly, but hopefully I've grown, motivated by the pain of being with and leaving her and facing my own stuff.  I can't imagine falling for that again, but I guess we don't know until we're in it.

So then what happened gary?  :)id it end up being her shoe?  What happened next?

[gary1958]

Nothing happened after... havent heard from her since then. I know its a big city. And you do bump into people. I found it a little odd 2 days prior I posted on Facebook that I was heading to the blues festival with my 20 year old son. He met friends and took off. I just happened to be walking with a very attractive friend when she saw me. I was happy for that ... . As for the shoe. I do not know if it was hers. All I can say I looked her up and down as she walked by... Really noticed her platforms... . and boy the one on top of the speaker Monday morning looked very much like the ones I saw on her feet that Saturday night... .

[Mutt]

She'd gained maybe 40 pounds and was looking a little unkempt, but not all that different from when we were together at least in essence.

My ex gained 50-60 lbs within a few months of the separation. She was self-conscious of that when I was with her. I noticed during her honeymoon she was doing her hair, make-up clothes etc.

I have come across the replacement in person a couple of times, and friends were in disbelief that she was with him, he doesn't talk around them, they said they "don't get  it"  He seems very shy, low profile, etc. The opposite of who I am.

I have noticed my ex is different in her essence, it's like she has mirrored him in some way, doesn't talk much anymore, his characteristics. It made me think what she mirrored from me, if that makes sense.

My apologies gary1958, if I high-jacked your thread a little  

My point is, I don't recognize her, as the person I knew.

[fromheeltoheal]

She'd gained maybe 40 pounds and was looking a little unkempt, but not all that different from when we were together at least in essence.

My ex gained 50-60 lbs within a few months of the separation. She was self-conscious of that when I was with her. I noticed during her honeymoon she was doing her hair, make-up clothes etc.

I've been learning a lot about Caretakers, the folks who reach somewhat of an equilibrium, as dysfunctional as it is, with borderlines and stay for years and years in that dysfunction.  A trait of Caretaking is perfectionism, and she used to tell me I should wait to buy clothes until I had a "perfect body"; of course the way I'm wired I took that to mean I 'wasn't good enough", so I got really busy with exercise and diet, and I've since learned that things are either perfect or they're not to a borderline and criticism works to manipulate, so our wiring fit together very well.  But the truth is I was in far better shape than she was, pretty damn proud of myself actually, and part of her continuous condemnation was projection, since she was very unhappy with her body and fitness level, and rightly so.  Man that was painful to live through, and of course I got lots of attention from other women when I got in great shape, and that resulted in rageful outbursts in crowded places from her more than a few times.  The crap we put up with... .

Excuse me too Gary, but your story is intriguing, could be the beginning of a movie.  Why did that shoe end up where it did?  Whose was it?  Maybe a clue to an abduction?  A discarded irritant during a morning-after walk of shame with sore feet?  A drunken misplacement, resulting in a lopsided tipsy girl partying onward?  Inquiring minds want to know... .

[gary1958]

Hijack complete... .

[Mutt]

Excuse me too Gary, but your story is intriguing, could be the beginning of a movie.  Why did that shoe end up where it did?  Whose was it?  Maybe a clue to an abduction?  A discarded irritant during a morning-after walk of shame with sore feet?  A drunken misplacement, resulting in a lopsided tipsy girl partying onward?  Inquiring minds want to know... .

I'm a fit guy, yes gained a little weight with her, yes she complained, it was alright for her when she was binge eating. Lost a lot of weight due to stress. I would like to explore, caretaking. Maybe create a thread or I'll create one.

Gary, your story is intriguing, I mean 6 years?

[gary1958]

6 years what... .