First a little background... . DH's old parenting agreement wasn't as much time as he was wanting but the one thing we loved about it was that it spelled out EVERY detail... . every pick up, drop off, vacation time, holiday had a specific time and place spelled out. His attorney knew this was necessary for him to be able to work with her. She has the trait of making everything all about benefiting her. In the past on years it is her Christmas with DD then "Christmas break" gets defined to give her an additional few days but the next year DH gets a much shorter definition of Christmas break according to her . So the agreement with every detail spelled out was the solution - and it really seemed to work! She'd still throw fits of course and threaten to "call her attorney" but stating that he would go by what the order said usually worked to shut her up.
Well things have been changing recently and for the good - but a whole new set of problems have come with the changes. uBPD moved out of state, taking DD with her. DH fought it through the court system and was given a hearing where he argued for DD to stay here with us rather than move to uBPD's new home. The judge agreed that DH presented a better thought out parenting plan and gave DH primary custody!
That's the good news... . the bad news is that the new court order was written verbatim what the judge ordered. DH gets primary custody and uBPD gets every other weekend and summer break (with DH getting 6 days per month during the summer). No specific times given. The every other weekend pick ups so far have continued at the 6:00pm time that at previously been in place. The problem comes in with summer. The kids last day of school is Friday until 3:20. So we've been planning on uBPD coming to pick DD up at 6PM (which is actually on the same time for her EOW visit anyways) - she emails DH today that since DD get's out of school at 3:20 she will be here to pick her up for the summer visitation at 3:30 Friday. DH responded that he had already made plans for her extended family and cousins to come over after school/work Friday to tell her goodbye before she left for two months and that the original 6:00 pick up time would still be in place. This of course brings about the threats from uBPD that she will be taking him back to court and to expect a call from her attorney because the order only says mother will have her for summer break - not stating 6:00 specifically (yeah but it doesn't state 3:30 either). DH's attorney has warned us that she will be trying to take us back to court to get the order reversed but that the odds were stacked in our favor that wasn't going to happen, but he always tells us to always show we are the reasonable ones.
So my questions for ya'll are this: 1) When does "summer break" start in your schedules? Two friends who have custody agreements through the same court told me that theirs doesn't even start until 9AM the day AFTER the last day of school. DH and I are both fine with her picking her up the last day of school but think the standard 6:00 time should still be in effect. 2) Any advice on how to handle the current conflict? Part of me thinks 2.5 hours is not that big of a deal to fight about - but if it makes a difference in her being able to say goodbye to DH and her extended family for the bulk of the summer than maybe it is. I know that uBPD will be demanding that our pick up is at 6PM the Sunday before school starts - we won't be privied to an earlier pick up on our end. Also, I feel that with this woman if you give her an inch she'll take a mile... . so letting her dictate the pick up time last minute won't just be "this one time" but will start occurring during regular EOW pickups and other holidays as well and that's really a road I don't want to go down. Also - I think it's better for DD to be able to come home from school, say goodbye to her family, get her stuff together (uBPD sends her with a ridiculous amount of stuff each visit) before leaving and giving her that little bit of transition time instead of straight from school with all her stuff to gone for the summer. Lastly, I just plain don't want to bend over backwards and cancel our plans for someone who has made it her life's mission to make our life a living HELL since the custody change (including false allegations which led us through the hell of a CPS investigation - all of which were found to be not true!). She knows good and well the planned time was 6 - otherwise why would she have emailed it? It's all about being in control and bullying her way or the highway and I'm done with it! I know our attorney would advice to always be the reasonable ones - but is following the normal pick up times really that unreasonable? Is expecting DD to get to have a little transition time between the two houses unreasonable?
