A little reflection

[ennie]

I last wrote about SD14 going through a shift in relation to her mom's outburst at me at her sister's play. 

I realized in reflection that this was a shift for me, too.  While I was surprised and actually cried when BPDmom yelled at me in public, partly as I was feeling less guarded due to her recent nice spell, I really let go of it right away.  Had an evening of obsessively thinking of what I wish I could say to BPD mom but never will, what I wish I could say to SD14 but will not now and probably will have no need to by the time she is ready to hear it... . and that was that. 

I noticed yesterday that I was totally over it.  Really feeling forgiving of BPD mom, too!  Considered sending a "no hard feelings" text, but realized that I do not even need her to know that she is okay with me. 

I really feel different this time.  I do not like how she treated me; but it hurt at the time, I set a boundary, she respected it (when stated thrice), and that was that.  It is who she is.  Not about me.  Not about the kids.  Just part of her way of living, that I am a part of because I love these kids and this man.  And that is fine. 

Weird. 

[KateCat]

I wonder if the fact that you did have hard feelings and did show them wasn't a powerful (in a good way) lesson for your stepdaughter.

[GaGrl]

ennie, I remember when DH's ex just didn't phase me as much anymore... . not sure it was any one thing, but more a gradual acceptance that she is what she is and isn't going to change, so why get my knickers in a twist over her latest escapade. It doesn't mean she doesn't irritate me, but our children are adults and have to handle the blowback themselves now (yes, that finally happens). I'd like to get past the level of contempt I sometimes feel and really achieve acceptance, but I'm not there yet.