How do I word this?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Been divorced since Dec.  ExH keeps wanting to come hang out on weekends, saying he misses the kids.  I let it happen a few times, esp when he couldn't do his visitation.  Now he is asking every weekend.

He sent me a one-line email asking to come visit tomorrow.  How do I politely say no?

I was working with this:  "I would prefer that you not.  The grandparents are coming and ... . "  And I just didn't know how to finish.  Keep in mind that we don't have an awful relationship but he DOES push for me to take him back so I have to be careful how I word things and keep my boundaries up.  And yes, maybe it was a mistake to let him hang out at all.  That said, how do I word my reply?

[momtara]

Been divorced since Dec.  ExH keeps wanting to come hang out on weekends, saying he misses the kids.  I let it happen a few times, esp when he couldn't do his visitation.  Now he is asking every weekend.

He sent me a one-line email asking to come visit tomorrow.  How do I politely say no?

I was working with this:  "I would prefer that you not.  The grandparents are coming and ... . "  And I just didn't know how to finish.  Keep in mind that we don't have an awful relationship but he DOES push for me to take him back so I have to be careful how I word things and keep my boundaries up.  And yes, maybe it was a mistake to let him hang out at all.  That said, how do I word my reply?

[livednlearned]

With people who trample boundaries as a matter of course, it's best to not explain. That gives them something to work with.

"No" is a boundary.

"No, we have other plans" is somewhat more polite, although gives him something specific to try and wedge the door open. "What plans?"

"No, not this weekend" is a boundary for this weekend, but tells him he can keep trying.

You don't have to answer his calls, emails, or texts if he tries to challenge the boundary.

[david]

I would go with a simple no.

[momtara]

Good advice.