Time to Hit Reset Button

[wilsonian]

man some-days cants get a break... I have been using my tools and walking away saying talk about later etc and validating and all has been going great... UNTIL... . yesterday we were in the car for an hour or so and she started first with put downs and hurtful words then that wasn't working went to raging on me while I was driving and I was attacked by the negative freight train on top of that and I blew up and told her to shut up a couple of times... . man I hate that I have had this going well for some time but I was trapped in the car going down the road... no were to go to nothing and as we all know everybody has there breaking point when your brain and heart are so over loaded with hurt from the raging and words especially being stuck within inches of her... . so hitting reset button and see if we can take the ride longer this time... . anyone have any ideas what to do in a situation like this... please please tell me... .

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Wow. sorry you went through that.  I've been there myself. If this happens enough, you will get to the point where you fear this happening again and lose motivation to go anywhere with her.  I'm not sure there is an easy answer here - but I can think of options - pull over some place and get out of the car?  Turn around and immediately head back home?  My GF has told me of a story about going on a plane trip with an ex, and they got into an argument, and when they arrived at the airport immediately bought her a ticket back home.  Seems extreme, but I think of that option before I go on trips with her - will there be a point where I will either just let her have the car to go home while I take alternate transport?  There was one point on a trip where she was raging so hard we pulled over into a parking lot.   I thought of buying a plane ticket for her and telling her I will meet her at home in a few days. 

[wilsonian]

Sounds like a plan max I just was hit by surprise and my logic went out the window when she worked her way to my trigger points to get me upset... . this has happen a couple times in past on way to church but then I just turned around and came back home(usually with her threatening to jump out of the car door going down the interstate) but that seems forever ago... . Thanks for the advise I guess I have let my guard down in some situations such as this... the really dumb thing is it all started because I told her I saw the google maps car turn up ahead of us and she wanted me to run this poor guy down so she could take a pic... well of course i wasn't driving fast enough and so on and so on and we all know the story after that... . all the way home for hour and a half... .

[enlighten me]

I once stopped the car in the middle of the road returning from holiday and was about to get out and walk off. If it wasn't for the fact I had my 2 sons with me I think I would have. She said don't you dare get out. I said or what and she just stopped and didn't know what to do. That was early on in our relationship and I should have run then.

[maxsterling]

Wow, Wilsonian!  You got the attempts to jump out the car door, too?  The first time I saw her rage was in the car.  She tried multiple times to jump out, then begged me to stop so that she could get out.  So, I stopped at a store and rather than get out, she screamed and blamed me. Eventually, a security guard came and told us to move on.  So, I left, she continued to scream and play with the door handle until I stopped again, this time on the side of the road, and she got out.  I didn't have the heart to just drive on, so I waited as she started walking and then sat on the curb.  Eventually she got back in, and I made it the final two miles back home.  Once home, she continued to scream, threatened to kill herself in the living room and that it would be my fault she killed herself.  I wound up calling the police.  Just absolutely amazing.  I think I had kinda blocked the emotions of that until just now, and now I have a streak of terror running down my spine again.

[BadKitty]

I have actually gotten out of the car and walked but we weren't far from home, maybe 2 miles. I actually was in shock and also thankful when he drove off and left me walking down the side of the road. But hey, the fresh air and exercise helped me cool down a bit.

[twogrey]

Whew. This triggered me. uBPDm raged at me while I was driving, I was about 18 I guess. She told me to pull over. I did. She got out of the car and I left her there. It was nighttime and a semi-rural 2-Lane road. Eventually I went back to look for her and found her in a grocery store at the pay phone. Not sure who she was calling for help or what the story would be.