Does it ever get boring?

[Miss Topaz]

When my boyfriend gets into one of his spirals and is  self critical and picking apart everything I say and bringing random things up to be mean and generally working himself into another spiral I wonder if he isn't just bored of his reactions to negative situations. Like I spot these patterns over and over again as he continues to refuse help and  sometimes when he is looking to get a rise out of me or looking for something he can latch onto and use negatively against himself I just think this so exhausting and boring  and I'm thinking you sound completely illogical and why won't you just get help?

Sorry I had to rant... . anyone feel the same?

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[BadKitty]

I wonder this myself. In some situations, I think he is just trying to get a rise out of me for some reason, maybe because he is bored and likes to argue.

In other times I think it's just because he is in a bad mood and takes it out on me.

Either way, it is exhausting.

He says, ":)o you think I just wake up one day with a weed up my @ss?" I always laugh to myself because, yes, this is exactly what I think. 

[Stalwart]

I can honestly say my wife's done well with attacking me or putting me down since she started DBT therapy and taken a bit of mindfulness into consideration. She'll start from time to time but quickly realize she is. Most times she will actually come out with an apology later as well. Amazing how some things can actually change for the better.

The one thing that doesn't seem to be affected though is her need to put herself down and I find that almost equally concerning. It's my greatest hope that given more time she can learn to be more mindful that it's the illness talking and not necessarily the representation of her or her actions.

But there is hope in some cases that things can get better - for ever? I'll let you know!

[Miss Topaz]

Thank you Stalwart in providing hope that things can get better. My bf is untreated and as I type has gone into a rage against me because I asked 'why did u do this' and effectively accused of seeking negative opinions from someone on purpose which I'm guessing is definitely invalidating. I know he will come back and talk whenever he says 'this conversation is over' and tbh when he told me he was having an off day i was gonna leave him to it but he dragged me into a conversation for yet another cycle.

I hope that this doesn't last as long.

BadKitty he is definitely in a bad mood and taking it out on me and it IS exhausting.