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Author Topic: Things they said that alerted you that they think differently  (Read 1982 times)
empath
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #60 on: July 04, 2014, 02:59:43 PM »

Excerpt
When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he keeps poking at me, asking over and over, saying "I don't believe you" until I get so tired of feeling invalidated, I get upset.  Then he wins:  something is now wrong. *sigh*

Yep. Then I say, I'm upset that you are insisting that something is wrong when I was feeling good. I get the question at least a couple of times within about an hour (usually more), every night, it seems.
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mstnghu
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« Reply #61 on: July 05, 2014, 04:31:47 PM »

Regarding the need for drama... .I think my pwBPD's favorite question of all time is, "What's wrong?"  He will ask this at least once a day.  He will ask this when there's nothing wrong, whatsoever, and I am happy and content.  When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he keeps poking at me, asking over and over, saying "I don't believe you" until I get so tired of feeling invalidated, I get upset.  Then he wins:  something is now wrong. *sigh*

YES! I totally can relate! My wife CONSTANTLY asks me "what's wrong?". I can be perfectly content relaxing on the couch with a glass of wine on a Sunday night, trying to catch up on one of my favorite shows on DVR after the kid is down for bed... .life is good. Then, out of nowhere she'll come up to me and ask "what's wrong?". In her mind, there's always something wrong no matter how good life is going. If there isn't something "wrong" she'll come up with something.
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martillo
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« Reply #62 on: July 05, 2014, 07:05:48 PM »

Shortly after my uBPDh professed his love for me on our 2nd date  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post), he asked me "How many guys have you loved?" (NOTE:  I had already pointed out to him that he most likely didn't love me, just was "lusting" and I didn't love him yet).  I had had 1 long term significant other who I loved and told him so and then I asked him how many ladies he had loved and he started naming a list as long as my arm!  I said "no, not how many have you dated... .how many have you loved?"  He said "yes, I loved all them"  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  I definitely had a head scratch moment, but at the time, didn't really consider the weight of what he was actually saying... .
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #63 on: July 06, 2014, 03:45:08 AM »

So... the scene is marriage counseling... very recently.  Discussion was about how compromise is a helpful tool in r/s.

The  most recent offense I was angry about was her taking kids out of state for couple days which prevented me from sticking with the family T "treatment plan" to help make things better between me and kids.  I asked for compromised and the position didn't move from when she informed me... until when she took the kids. 

So... . this was an unusually "regulated" counseling for her.  So... I asked her to describe how she compromised in that situation.  It was priceless... . I guarantee you it was quiet in the room for 60 seconds.  She started looking uncomfortable.  Then she claimed the compromise was her not leaving earlier... . (totally ignoring the fact that I didn't know about the trip... . and that compromise is not imposed... . it is mutually agreed upon)

So... . same MC.

After lots of discussion about feelings and empathy and how I would like my feelings considered in decisions.

We are now talking "theoretically" about how to have the next trip be a better compromise... . or where both parties think there is compromise.  In other words... . if she thinks there is compromise and I don't... . not a successful compromise. 

So... the question is posed to her how she could do it differently.  And her answer is that "I will try to INFORM him what we are going to do earlier... . "

Sigh... . I brought up that I would use the word "discuss" vice "inform"... . because discuss sounds a lot more flexible... . she huffed... . and grudgingly played along... . 

Fantastic. Almost word for word the conversations I had with my ex before I dumped her.

Too many light bulbs went off for me
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #64 on: July 06, 2014, 03:47:07 AM »

"I don't have a conscience." Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)

"You don't love me as much as I love you." Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)

"There are so many other things that are more important than you in my life." Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)

"Your insecurity scares me because you will act on false assumptions about my behavior." Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)

I could go on, but these were show stopping.

As I found out, they were par for the course... .especially # 3
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #65 on: July 06, 2014, 04:04:18 AM »

-Don't you see that everytime I perceive you think I am a monster I have to pretend to be one?

I think we have the winner!  

Anyone else want to vote for the best one.

Best being an odd way to put it... .

Well, try this one... .

When she was insisting on inviting another ex over to stay with her, and I said I wasn't comfortable with this... .

She said "My soul's journey is more important to me" and "we're done"

Of course she explained that away due to her moods and she didn't mean it.

#monster  #unbelievable

You wonder why I left her... .  #noempathy

PS - only after that row did she say well he has a girlfriend, so they couldn't come over and stay. But on the nights in question I never heard from her... ., although to be fair she had re-cycled/broken up with me for those 3 nights.
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SybilVane
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« Reply #66 on: July 07, 2014, 10:51:05 PM »

Regarding the need for drama... .I think my pwBPD's favorite question of all time is, "What's wrong?"  He will ask this at least once a day.  He will ask this when there's nothing wrong, whatsoever, and I am happy and content.  When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he keeps poking at me, asking over and over, saying "I don't believe you" until I get so tired of feeling invalidated, I get upset.  Then he wins:  something is now wrong. *sigh*

Very sorry but it made me chuckle a little bit. I can relate to you so much...   Smiling (click to insert in post)

Classic!
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #67 on: July 08, 2014, 07:53:32 AM »

"You're lying!"

"You're always lying!"

"You're only with me because you are afraid to be alone"

Number three was partly true but I also loved her deeply.
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #68 on: July 08, 2014, 07:56:01 AM »

Another one:

"I think you are a very useful person to have around"

That one in particular just OOZED love, didn't it? 
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #69 on: July 08, 2014, 08:02:06 AM »

Please forgive if I take too much space but here's another great from her repertoir of BS. During one of many rows over her excessive drinking I mentioned that one of my best friends, who grew up with an alcoholic father, had expressed his concerns to me over her drinking. Her reply to that was:

"I bet he wouldn't say no to me if I offered myself up to him though"

I recently told my friend what she had said and he went "What the heck?"
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waverider
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If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #70 on: July 08, 2014, 08:39:59 AM »

Staff only

This has been an engaging topic. However, it has now reached a 4 page limit and so will be locked in accordance with site policy to keep topics fresh.

If there are any further aspects you wish to discuss relating to this subject feel free to open a new thread

waverider
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