Anger, Bitterness, Resentment a Christian perspective

[reluctanthusband]

So I have posted here a lot about how my faith and salvation has been attacked because my ?BPDw had her feelings hurt and left our home church.  I have stayed at our home church and I am being painted Black on and off when something comes up at her church and I don’t want to participate because that re-enforces the bad unbiblical behavior.

I am by no means painting myself as a saint here.  I understand where I lacked in spiritual leadership that exacerbated the problem, but that is the crux I UNDERSTAND where I went wrong and do not blame the church family for it.  She does not and will not look at herself in the mirror to see where she went wrong and stop blaming others.  And requiring them to live by a biblical standard that she is unwilling to follow herself.

We are currently seeing a non-Christian therapist that specializes in personality disorders.  Although he started working on her reactions/emotions right off the bat, he is suggesting that I compromise more to make progress.  The portion of this is difficult for me because if I compromise to her wants I am doing what I know to be not right in re-enforcing her desires.  Or in other words it validates the skewed view that what she is doing is right.  Now mind you the church she is going to is a good church and does not have any serious issues I can tell, and is even in the same family of churches my church is.  The T is also trying to get us to work in the present and stop holding the past against each other so that we can make progress.  This is soul crushing as she cannot have an argument without bringing anything old up, but if I say anything about the past or her pattern of this or that I am being hateful, unforgiving and ungraceful.

So right now she has asked for my blessing for her to be decipled by the youth pastor and his wife and to begin leader training in the youth ministry.  If it was up to her she would not ask my blessing, but the leadership at her church understands that there needs to be support in the home for that to work right.  I personally think that she does not currently posses the proper emotional stability or interpersonal relationship skills to keep that from being an absolute nightmare for that leadership team.  I should know a thing or two about leadership as I have been leading Marines for almost 16 years now.

A Christian chaplain(That is divorced from a BPDw)Has told me if I am to stay in the marriage that I am going to have to find a way to be filled that does not include her and to be there(Her church) for my kids's activities.

So I am asking for advice from a Christian perspective here.  I have a lot of pent up resentment, anger and bitterness that doesn’t go away because I am constantly reminded of it every time I go against her wishes.  I feel like my life has been stolen from me.  I was lied to for the majority of our 14 years together, blamed for her infidelity blamed for all the problems in our relationship.  I hate it because I feel like I have no power or authority.  I hate having to deal with the BS.  For trying to lead and getting crapped on for doing it, or her acting like the victim because I am asking her to follow me.  I just hate feeling this way and it is eating me alive.  I hate being around her because I see her as shallow whenever she deals with people.

And more and more she is getting nastier and nastier the less acceptance I give of her actions at her church Because I'm holding her back from growing.  I hate it soo much.  I want to leave soo bad Im writing this with tears in my eyes.  I hate that I cannot leave because of the kids and the finances.  I hate that I have been such a good man to and for her just to get told that the only reason that I am there is so I can stick my D!3k in her... .It is soo hurtful... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pressing on]

I'm new here but your subject line caught my eye... .I wish I had words... .I find it is hard as a Christian because you know all the right words and the truth but feel completely ripped to shreds none the less... .

[wilsonian]

I wish I had the answers for your brother... being with a BPDw tests my faith each day... .Jesus is the Prince of Peace and some days we see nor feel much peace from our wives... .here is a copy of a prayer I do each morning and some verse I read aloud... .hope maybe it will help ease some of the pain and struggles... .

Father, in Jesus’ name, I pray and believe that I walk and live not in the counsel of the ungodly, following their advice, plans, and purposes.  I do not stand submissive and inactive in the paths where sinners walk or sit down to relax and rest where the scornful and mockers gather.

            I delight and desire to be in your Word.  I am a doer of the Word and not a hearer only.  On Your precepts, instructions, and teachings I habitually meditate by day and by night because I put Your Word first place in my life and I am like a tree firmly planted and tended by the streams of water, ready to bring forth my fruit in due season.  My leaf also does not fade or wither.  Everything I do, including our life together, prospers and comes to maturity.

            I thank You, Father, that I hearken to the wisdom of God and she and I dwell securely and in confident trust and shall be quiet without fear or dread of evil.  I make my ear attentive to skillful and Godly wisdom and incline and direct my heart and mind to understanding . I apply all of my power to the quest of it.

            I let not mercy, kindness, and truth forsake me.  I bind them about my neck and write them on the tablet of my heart.  I praise the wisdom of God and highly exalt her.  She will exalt and promote me she will bring me to honor because I have embraced her.  For the Lord is my confidence firm and strong and I shall keep my foot from being caught in a  trap or hidden danger.

            Wherever I go, the Word or wisdom of God shall lead me.  When I sleep, it shall keep me.  When I am awake, it shall talk to me.  Therefore, I will speak excellent and princely things and the opening of my mouth will be for right things.  All of the words of my mouth are righteous-upright and in right standing with God, and there is nothing contrary to the truth or crooked in them.

            I thank You, Father, that she loves me, I am affectionate and sympathetic with me, I believe in Jesus’ name that I am not harsh, bitter, or resentful toward her because I love her, in a sense, as my own body.  I honor her as physically weaker.  However, I realize that we are joint heirs to the throne with Jesus spiritually.  I do this in order that our prayers will not be hindered or cut off.

            I confess that we are of one and the same mind, united in spirit, compassionate and courteous, tenderhearted and humble-minded.  I believe for our welfare, happiness, and protections because she and I love and respect each other.  I praise You that our fountain of human life is Blessed with the rewards of fidelity, and I rejoice with her as she is the loving, kind and pleasant doe (tender, gentle, attractive).  Her bosom satisfies me at all times, and I am always enraptured with her love.  I rejoice, Father, because Your word is working in our marriage, I will never be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, or go astray.

            Thank You, Father, that I am a man of good report, that I am successful in everything I set my hand to.  I am uncompromisingly righteous.  I capture human lives for God as a fisher of men.  As I do this, I have the confidence that You are the Lord God who teaches me to profit and leads me in the way I should go, abundantly supplied with every need met.  I have obtained the favor of the Lord and the will of God is done in my life.

            Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

            Ephesians 5:28

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

          Colossians 3:18,19

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

        Proverbs 5:15-20

Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.

16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.

17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.

18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

        Proverbs 1:33

But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

        Proverbs 2:2

So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;

        Proverbs 3:3

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:

        Proverbs 4:8

Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her.

        Proverbs 3:26

For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

        Proverbs 6:22

When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.

        Proverbs 8: 6,8

Hear; for I will speak of excellent things; and the opening of my lips shall be right things. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them

        1 Peter 3:7-9

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

        Proverbs 11:30

The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.

        Isaiah 48:17

Thus saith the Lord, thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord thy God which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go.