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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Small success  (Read 370 times)
Allmessedup
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 300



« on: July 02, 2014, 09:59:52 AM »

I love reading about the small successes couples make on this board. It is important to recognize and celebrate those.

So yesterday we had a big success:)   My gf has never done well with my negative emotions.  She takes them as indication that she is failing me and therefore I will ultimately abandon her.

However we have been working on the high conflict couple as well as a book about attachment styles together.  And honestly communicating when we are calm and relaxed.

Well last night I was in a mood.  Pmsy I think but in retrospect I had no buisness seeing her while I was in that state. 

But I did and she of course picked up on it.  But it went fantastic:). What normally would have ended in disaster ended up being a hugely positive experience for us both.

She utilized some of the skills in the high conflict couple book and was able to not only handle my negative feelings without internalizing them but also able to reassure and validate me as well.  I in turn could be mindful enough then of my own emotions and recognize what she was doing and appreciate that hugely.

We talked about it after and we both ended the evening feeling very proud of both of us individually and as a couple.

It was huge progress for us both so I wanted to share:)

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an0ught
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2014, 02:25:22 PM »

Hi Allmessedup,

sounds like a small success but it is really a huge step forward  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) when both sides are able to figure out what emotions are brought to the table by themselves.
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ziniztar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: I chose to end the r/s end of October 2014. He cheated and pushed every button he could to push me away until I had to leave.
Posts: 599



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« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2014, 06:34:41 AM »

YAAAAAAAAAAAY  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Makes me want to read The Book
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formflier
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



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« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2014, 07:03:30 AM »

I love reading about the small successes couples make on this board. It is important to recognize and celebrate those.

So yesterday we had a big success:)   My gf has never done well with my negative emotions.  She takes them as indication that she is failing me and therefore I will ultimately abandon her.

However we have been working on the high conflict couple as well as a book about attachment styles together.  And honestly communicating when we are calm and relaxed.

Well last night I was in a mood.  Pmsy I think but in retrospect I had no buisness seeing her while I was in that state. 

But I did and she of course picked up on it.  But it went fantastic:). What normally would have ended in disaster ended up being a hugely positive experience for us both.

She utilized some of the skills in the high conflict couple book and was able to not only handle my negative feelings without internalizing them but also able to reassure and validate me as well.  I in turn could be mindful enough then of my own emotions and recognize what she was doing and appreciate that hugely.

We talked about it after and we both ended the evening feeling very proud of both of us individually and as a couple.

It was huge progress for us both so I wanted to share:)

I think this is a huge success... .

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Hopefully this inspires you guys to redouble your efforts to make using the tools second nature.

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