First good week since telling her about BPD

[Jacq189]

It has been about two and a half weeks since I told my uBPDgf that I think she has BPD. After a VERY rough start things have been really good for the past week now.

She has still been having her ups and downs of course but she has been noticing more and more things about herself which are probably attributed to BPD. As she is becoming aware that her mood swings and impulsivities are the result of BPD and not whatever triggered them I think it is helping her calm down quicker after each episode and is certainly helping her to not direct so much of the negativity towards me. She has even asked me to help her get a formal diagnosis and to get into a DBT program!

We still have a very long way to go but things are feeling more settled and I am feeling hopeful that finally we are moving in the right direction instead of just trying to keep our heads above water.

She is expressing a lot of self pity though, saying things like "I'm sorry I'm a head case", "you shouldn't be with me", "why do you want to be with me?" and "why do you love me?". How should I respond to these types of things?

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[formflier]

  She has even asked me to help her get a formal diagnosis and to get into a DBT program!

We still have a very long way to go but things are feeling more settled and I am feeling hopeful that finally we are moving in the right direction instead of just trying to keep our heads above water.

She is expressing a lot of self pity though, saying things like "I'm sorry I'm a head case", "you shouldn't be with me", "why do you want to be with me?" and "why do you love me?". How should I respond to these types of things?

This is huge!  That she is asking for help.  Keep going and help her get into a good situation.

You want to validate the emotion behind the questions... .or better understand the emotion.

I'm still struggling with validation myself.  So hopefully some other guys can help here.

Try to read some lessons on validation!