BPD and Hypochodria.

[Proud_Dad]

I understand from a bit of research that there are links between hypochondria and bi-polar, as well as OCD. I was wondering if anyone else here has experienced the same frustrations as I have with a BPDSO suffering from hypochondria on some level?

I pose this query because my uBPDgf has a laundry list of ailments that could be bothering her on a daily basis. The list extends from constant headaches to mysterious bug bites (we must have an infestation in the house! Oh wait nobody else in the house has any bites... .odd). On any given day it could be on or more of probably 20 different things that are going wrong with her body.

Is this some sort of mental manifestation of emotional distress to physical anomaly in order to have a visible reason for the pain being felt?

Thanks in advance for any in put that can be shared, this is an area of great frustration for me. I was raised in a military / law enforcement family where unless the bone is showing or you need to go to the hospital, you suck it up. I know that this approach to my situation is not appropriate and I try to be as empathetic as possible and validate the emotions behind the complaints, but this is a daily occurrence and along with all the other validations and BPD stuff going on... .I feel like I am losing it.

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[enlighten me]

My uBPDexw had all sorts of ailments.

Had me convinced she had ME for 3 years. Also said she was diagnosed Bi polar (which was a lie), back trouble, migraines you name it at one time or another she had it.

At first I thought she was histrionic but after splitting from my exgf and realising her behaviour had all the hallmarks of BPD with bells on I began to realise my ex wife had most of the clinical criteria for BPD aswell.

Im not sure if there was some Histrionic mixed in with her BPD or whether it was another way to get me running around after her and proving I loved her.

[Cat21]

My ubphd has OCD, however it is undiagnosed. He's told me about the ritualistic things he did as a child (having to touch the light switch several times, only using 1 bathroom, etc. etc.), but as an adult, he has no rituals. I'm convinced his BPD is definitely associated with the OCD- I'll have to look into that research as well.

As for the hypochondria, he does make a big deal out of little things, and often. God forbid he come down with a cold; it's like he's fighting for his life.

[LilHurt420]

My uBPDh doesn't always have ailments, but when he does they are over exaggerated.  I've chalked them up to attention and needing to create some type of drama if there isn't already some going on.  I sometimes do not even believe the things he tells me because he will lie about absolutely anything.

Last summer things were really bad.  The worst they have ever been (and that's when I first researched all this and figure he has to have BPD).  During all the drama and me be being so emotionally exhausted and drained by it, he suddenly was having a tingling sensation in his leg.  So he supposedly went to the doctors where they ran a bunch of test and was told he has multiple sclerosis.  We were fighting the day he "found out" and not talking so after analyzing it all I honestly think he used it as a way to make me feel bad and start talking to him again.  He told me had something big to to tell me.  When he told me, he was shocked that I didn't cry (that's the reaction he obviously wanted from me). I asked him about it one night (looking back, he was in the middle of an episode but I wasn't able to recognize them yet), and he cried and said he didn't want to talk about it.  I have not heard 1 word about it since!

Last month he had little spots on his legs.  He automatically said we had bed bites.  He was going to nurse at his job and getting attention from everyone asking what it could be.

I think a lot of their hypochondria has to do with the attention they get from acting this way about their "ailments"

[enlighten me]

My mum said of my ex wife that she thought she might have had Munchausen's syndrome.

As well as the illnesses she used to make things up that the children were supposed to have done so I would tell the children off. My children told me about this when me and their mum had split up. My eldest reminded me of one of the tellings off and said that while I was telling him off his mum was sat behind me almost laughing about it. Twisted eh?

[wilsonian]

Proud dad... you are far from losing it trust me... .each day there is something wrong... hurting... got bit by some bug... dizzy... .stomach etc etc etc... .my dBPDw has OCD and PTSD with panic and anxiety disorder... .so I think its all part of them having the issue with there ailments... .

[LilHurt420]

My mum said of my ex wife that she thought she might have had Munchausen's syndrome.

As well as the illnesses she used to make things up that the children were supposed to have done so I would tell the children off. My children told me about this when me and their mum had split up. My eldest reminded me of one of the tellings off and said that while I was telling him off his mum was sat behind me almost laughing about it. Twisted eh?

How could I forget... .my DH also uses our son's "illness" to gain attention.  Our son has seasonal allergies.  There is 1 week out of the year when allergies first start that they are pretty bad.  Up until this year I've always dealt with it all myself (Doctors appt's, medication, etc).  This year my H is playing super dad and was there for all of it.  I really appreciated it at first, until he started to undermined me on it.  He acted like I didn't know what I was doing or not giving him the medication right. He works at his school and would totally disregard anything he was supposed to be doing to "check on our son" and act like he was having an attack or something to get attention or an excuse for not being where he was supposed to be.  He would call me during the day on the days we were fighting telling me our son had to get sent to the nurse for an asthma attack but now he has it under control so I didn't have to come up there, but then I'd ask my son when he got home and he was fine.

It's all part of their control... .if they make up illness and things especially involving the kids and then "fix" them they've created drama and successfully controlled it.

[Proud_Dad]

Thanks all for the feedback. It is always good to know you are not alone on these things.

All I can say is that it is ALWAYS something.

I guess I am just frustrated right now and it helps to have somewhere to turn to to vent. There is no other place outside of BPD Family where I feel that people understand what we go through... .

Thanks again and cheers.

[enlighten me]

After the experience with my ex wife I would advise that if your BPD ever says there is something seriously wrong then insist on seeing the doctor with them. Say that your concerned and you want to hear what the doctor has to say so that you can better understand what they are going through.

I made a fool of myself because I believed my ex wife and used what she had told me about her mental health as part of my case in the divorce to prevent her taking the children away.

Also if your staying in the relationship then it will set a boundry for them and they may not try the illness thing which does cause you great stress when you think a loved one is ill.

[maxsterling]

Proud_Dad,

This topic has come up a few times, and you aren't the only one who experiences this from a BPD SO.  I think it is a matter of the pwBPD feeling uncomfortable in their own skin, feeling like something is always wrong or about to be wrong, and looking for a reason for their emotions.

In the case of my fiancé - it's always something.  There's never consecutive days where she doesn't complain about some kind of ailment - her back, overweight, headache, dry skin.  Over the course of the past year she has thought she had this or that and had momentary worries over it.  And she will assign ailments to me or to the pets, too.  Cat vomits?  "Maybe he has a tumor and needs to go to the vet!"  She gets on my case for not going to the doctor when I have a slight cough or a sore toe.  "maybe it is something worse!"

I can tell you that validation helps here.  And get used to it.  If you don't respond to the complaint - look out for the rage.  Or if you invalidate, such as saying, "that's no big deal" - look out for the rage.  The way I have found to respond is to say something like, "wow, that sounds painful."  Then ask questions about it - like specifically where it hurts, has she ever experienced it before, etc.  Then ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Usually, her emotions then subside in a few minutes, and she talks herself out of whatever she thought she had.

[Vexed]

My ex had so many issues.  The main one was mysterious bloating pains after random meals not attributed to any specific foods but almost always after eating out for dinner.  She also swore her hair was falling out, nails were brittle, fatigued, dry skin, palpitations, and others.  Oh yeah then supposedly got copper poisoning from an IUD.  Anyway numerous test and Dr. Appointments and they found nothing.  IUD removed no change.   

Oddly enough all these ailments went away a month before she dumped me.  Anyone ?

[enlighten me]

My ex had so many issues.  The main one was mysterious bloating pains after random meals not attributed to any specific foods but almost always after eating out for dinner.  She also swore her hair was falling out, nails were brittle, fatigued, dry skin, palpitations, and others.  Oh yeah then supposedly got copper poisoning from an IUD.  Anyway numerous test and Dr. Appointments and they found nothing.  IUD removed no change.   

Oddly enough all these ailments went away a month before she dumped me.  Anyone ?

That's interesting as what she describes are a lot of symptoms of hypothyroidism.

[an0ught]

Anxiety and fear are often emotions that become dominating and are hard to control for a pwBPD. Problems are found everywhere and sometimes it is us and sometimes it is their own body. So hypochondria is a common symptom and as with most symptoms it can come and then go again and be less strong.

The problems hypochondria causes for us are manifold

- expenses for tests

- excessive tests resulting in some false initial positives

- time spent chasing doctors etc.

- disruption of life by drama

- transfered emotions. Dealing with emotions associated with mysterious or definitely deadly diseases is no fun.

It is hard to navigate these situations. There are real ailments and consequences when not treated in time. However if we all would get tested every day on everything we all in general would probably die sooner - too many false positives leading to too much unnecessary treatment.

The way I deal with it is that I validate. But I refuse to be too closely involved in decisions. In the end it is her body and she got to deal with the consequences. It is tough for her, she struggles and sometimes gets upset about this boundary. She deals with her health differently than me - in some way better and in some worse. I'm here for her but won't carry her burden. I can only validate.

[momtara]

Every time I see a post like this, I come on to say - 1, yes, and 2, look up somatization.  Their pain may be real, but it's triggered by the anxiety and mental illness.  My exH used to suddenly develop pain when we had to go somewhere he didn't want to go (like to visit my relatives.)  He wasn't entirely making it up, but it was very frustrating.  Then he'd say the reason we could never see them was because he was sick.  He definitely exaggerated for control, but he also did have problems.

[waverider]

My partner has rolling ailments at all times. I cant remember a day when she just went to bed because it was the end of the day and that is what you do. Going to bed every night because she is unwell happens EVERY day. she no longer knows any different.

Lack of structure and too many pills causes compounding side effects. Some of her ailments are real, even if exaggerated, as a result of the way she leads her life.

Anxiety, neediness for empathy, these are all reasons. Early on she was diagnosed OCD and used to mutilate herself to get the "badness" out of her skin.

Endless complaints to get drugs to dull her out. Ailments to get out of having to do things, cover up.

There are so many reasons, I believe she now no longer has any concept of what being healthy actually is. The hard thing is every now and then a genuine illness occurs and its hard to take it serious.

The question is how do you deal with it without driving yourself mad. It is a balancing act. Ignore it and it gets worse, or you may even find yourself ignoring something serious. Make a big fuss and it validates it as a communication avenue.

I find it best to listen, without interrogating, they know when its serious enough to see a Doc. I know they can pull the wool over the Docs eyes, but there is little you can do about this without being dragged into the whole drama, easier just to live around it without constantly questioning them.

If it wasn't this white lie to get out of something it would be another.

if Hypochondria is part of your RS then you just have to use the same tools as you do for BPD, acceptance, empathy, validation without validating the invalid. Not letting their stuff be your stuff etc. Dont stop your world turning as a result.