why text and email are best

[Turkish]

uBPDx texted me tonight. S4's summer preschool session expired last week. I signed him up, and take him on my days, but she took on the responsibility of picking him up everyday. Fine. I should have kept track of the term. My bad. She asked me if I had signed him up for the session starting tomorrow. I then called her, preferring to not go back and firth through texting. Again, my bad.

She said the teacher asked her two weeks ago, but that she forgot to tell me. Due to them seeing her more, the teacher probably assumed that she was the custodial parent or something. I was working out how I'd take time off work to go to the district office and sign him up. She started with her tone of voice which telegraphs to me, "you're and idiot who doesn't know what he is doing." Of course I was triggered. She forgot, yet was blaming it on me.

I took a breath, did a redirect, and did a BIFF goodbye. A few more back and forth texts followed related to me picking them up.

The lesson I took is that perhaps understandable that I called her for clear communication, that my emotions are still strong and I need to keep my boundaries up with her... .for my sake. Despite her nice demeanor lately, more contact due to D2's broken collarbone, I need to remember that she is still the same person. Never forget, never let my guard down.

[Aussie JJ]

Argh Turkish... .

You are so much more composed than I am at the moment.   A few weeks ago I actually verbalised my 'name the emotions and criteria'.  I do this in my head normally to just remind myself that she cant control it, I then name the behaviour and say it's unacceptable.  Did it before naming the behaviour.  It made her flip, I felt like crap at that point, she knew exactelly what I meant and flew off the hook. 

Instead of saying, "I can see that your distressed and this is troubling that we don't agree, their is a lot of blame being appointed that isn't healthy."  I said, "dysregulated emotions, dysregulated behaviour, projection".  All this while taking a breath I was so taken back at that point I was trying to stay calm and I couldn't. 

I was trying so hard to contain myself as getting blasted that I verbalised traits.  She recognised it instantly and was horrid. 

It just escalated it, projection went into overdrive and I found myself needing to get away as I could see it getting worse and worse. 

I am such a shell of what I used to be now that I know what all the abuse is and know I once accepted it I'm constantly on guard for the escalation.