Before I knew about BPD I had hope

[bobcat2014]

It has been a rough couple weeks and I feel like my house of cards is starting to fall apart. I can only imagine quicksand is like living with BPD, as the harder I fight the more I sink. For so long the idea that if I could just fix my short commings she could be happy, that somewhere, somehow I was messing this up for her and making her unhappy. New house, great kids, queen like treatment, six pack abs, nothing worked long term.I am tired, angry, confused and heartbroken. Since learning and joining in May things were distracted and relatively smooth but now I watched the cycle start and I am comming to grips that my wife is a borderline. I still feel like this is my responsibility somehow. I fix multimillion dollar problems everyday... .but I cant fix her. She has been in T before, for depression. Two years ago she stopped going.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

There is hope, before you had simply delusions. You ned to strip it back before you can look at how to rebuild

... .but I cant fix her.

This is your foundation stone,

You can fix you, the rest of life falls into place as it will

[Vexed]

Sorry.  I know the feeling, I still have hope which goes against all my logic.   Reading these boards is so helpful but so depressing, there really is no winning.

[Love Is Not Enough]

There is hope, before you had simply delusions. You ned to strip it back before you can look at how to rebuild

... .but I cant fix her.

This is your foundation stone,

You can fix you, the rest of life falls into place as it will

Accepting you cannot fix her is a huge step FORWARD. I want to strongly reiterate what Waverider said here. If you improve most likely she will follow you. If she doesn't then you will have a stronger you that can handle whatever happens.

What do want to change most right now, today? What would give you hope?