Terrified my ex will move abroad with my son

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Guys,

Me and my ex broke up two months ago, of course she has been on the prowl for a replacement and has been having sex left right and center which hurts me. We have a two year old son whom I have stay with me every weekend, I'm a very hands on father and always have been since the day he was born.

It was an abusive relationship, I'm a narcissist and I'm 95% sure she has BPD. The only symptom she doesn't portray is alcohol/ drug abuse.

She has began dating an American guy who is working in London for two years (she is also dating another guy too).

I cant sleep or eat as I'm terrified that she will enter a relationship with this man and relocate with him to the USA from London in two years. This is a fear and thinking about it brings me to tears!

Please help!

[londonD]

Hi Guys,

Me and my ex broke up two months ago, of course she has been on the prowl for a replacement and has been having sex left right and center which hurts me. We have a two year old son whom I have stay with me every weekend, I'm a very hands on father and always have been since the day he was born.

It was an abusive relationship, I'm a narcissist and I'm 95% sure she has BPD. The only symptom she doesn't portray is alcohol/ drug abuse.

She has began dating an American guy who is working in London for two years (she is also dating another guy too).

I cant sleep or eat as I'm terrified that she will enter a relationship with this man and relocate with him to the USA from London in two years. This is a fear and thinking about it brings me to tears!

Please help!

[livednlearned]

I don't know what you mean by you're a narcissist?

I'm not sure how it works from London to the US, because every border is different, but when I traveled from the US to Canada, I couldn't get through customs without a notarized letter from S13's father. I now have sole custody, so I can travel with those papers and get through.

If there is an active custody case, that will make it doubly difficult for her to go anywhere -- at least that's how it works in the US. I would guess it's not that different for the UK, but you'll want to check with a solicitor. Here, you can meet with a lawyer for 30 minutes or so and ask a bunch of questions, and it costs roughly $100 USD. But you'll want to talk to an international lawyer -- I don't think family law attorneys know that much. I had to figure everything out on my own and then explain it to my lawyer.

Many countries signed a Hague treaty that determines how they deal with abductions. Check to see how things would work between UK and US. Look up Hague Treaty or Hague Convention child abduction for the US and UK.

Another obstacle here is that it takes two parents to get a passport. I think you can also set up an alert with customs so that when someone passes through, a note will come up that the child is not to leave the country. Again, you'll have to look to see how it works where you live, and what kind of documentation a child needs to get into the US. Countries take child custody stuff pretty seriously because it can become a political nightmare if the laws aren't clear. I think Commonwealth countries and the US are on the same page because they don't want to get in a pissing match over this stuff.

Here in the US, if my ex tried to abduct S13, I would call the police. They would check to see if there is an active custody case with the court. If there was, and a bunch of other things checked out, they would start the Amber Alert process. Then law enforcement would start actively looking for my ex and my son. Not sure if the UK has a similar thing set up.

Anyway, the point is that there are a lot of things you can probably do to prevent her from leaving the UK with your child. If you have a custody order that got worked out in court, and want to revisit this, one option is to get it in writing that you allow your ex to travel out of the country as long as she posts bond. That way, if she disappears, you have money to hire attorneys and all that to pay for the expense of having your son returned.

[londonD]

I don't know what you mean by you're a narcissist?

I'm not sure how it works from London to the US, because every border is different, but when I traveled from the US to Canada, I couldn't get through customs without a notarized letter from S13's father. I now have sole custody, so I can travel with those papers and get through.

If there is an active custody case, that will make it doubly difficult for her to go anywhere -- at least that's how it works in the US. I would guess it's not that different for the UK, but you'll want to check with a solicitor. Here, you can meet with a lawyer for 30 minutes or so and ask a bunch of questions, and it costs roughly $100 USD. But you'll want to talk to an international lawyer -- I don't think family law attorneys know that much. I had to figure everything out on my own and then explain it to my lawyer.

Many countries signed a Hague treaty that determines how they deal with abductions. Check to see how things would work between UK and US. Look up Hague Treaty or Hague Convention child abduction for the US and UK.

Another obstacle here is that it takes two parents to get a passport. I think you can also set up an alert with customs so that when someone passes through, a note will come up that the child is not to leave the country. Again, you'll have to look to see how it works where you live, and what kind of documentation a child needs to get into the US. Countries take child custody stuff pretty seriously because it can become a political nightmare if the laws aren't clear. I think Commonwealth countries and the US are on the same page because they don't want to get in a pissing match over this stuff.

Here in the US, if my ex tried to abduct S13, I would call the police. They would check to see if there is an active custody case with the court. If there was, and a bunch of other things checked out, they would start the Amber Alert process. Then law enforcement would start actively looking for my ex and my son. Not sure if the UK has a similar thing set up.

Anyway, the point is that there are a lot of things you can probably do to prevent her from leaving the UK with your child. If you have a custody order that got worked out in court, and want to revisit this, one option is to get it in writing that you allow your ex to travel out of the country as long as she posts bond. That way, if she disappears, you have money to hire attorneys and all that to pay for the expense of having your son returned.

I have parental responsibility as I'm named on his birth certificate. She can only take him abroad for 1 month, any longer and she needs my permission.

If she ever chose to emigrate she would need my permission which I would never give in a million years. I will have to go to court and prove why he is better off in the UK around me and his extended family.

If this happens I will fight to the death and bankrupt myself in the process.

[ForeverDad]

First thoughts, her relationship may not last long enough for her to move with him.  Also, it's time to formulate a long term strategy to address this concern as well.

[londonD]

First thoughts, her relationship may not last long enough for her to move with him.  Also, it's time to formulate a long term strategy to address this concern as well.

I've come to the conclusion that it probably wont last. She had sex with him on the second date. Men have used her, her whole life and she gives in for the attention.

I have parental responsibility as I'm named on his birth certificate, she cants take him away for more than a month without my consent.

If we went to court she would need to present why it is a good idea to move. I will contest as my son has mild autism and he needs his father.

I'll fight her to the bitter end!