thought it couldn't get worse

[Vexed]

I wanted her back.  I told her that, she knew that.

Long story short.

She has been stringing me along, tonight I had enough and asked her what's going on knowing better.  She tells me everything you told me not to do I did.  Basically she told me in a long drawn out conversation in the last month I've had sex with a bunch of guys off dating websites and even though you told me when I was ovulating and to get on Bc because men don't take responsibility and you have no impulse control I had unprotected sex with a guy and now I'm pregnant. 

Now she wants me back... .And I still don't have the power to say no (Im one of the most mentally strong people I know).  What kind of hell am I living in?  Why don't I have any balls, none, zero?

[slimmiller]

Unprotected sex... .(Impulses control of a primate in heat)

Pregnant... .(smoke screen, how does she know for sure, its been all of a few weeks?)

I want you back... .(now she wants security)

Random guys off dating sites... .(STDS)

Telling you about her escapedes... .(abusing you by telling, but hey as long as you listen)

You Told me... .(you are her knight looking out for her, her hero, she is validating this by saying it)



This is textbook BPD behaviour.

You have made the first step by seeing it and acknowledging it.

Question you have to ask yourself now is, how long do you want the dance to continue?

I dont know the full background but the story is essentially the same. They ALL are.

Distract yourself in any way you can. Within reason. Dont do anything dangerous.

She is the drug at the moment but you need a new way to get a fix

[Infared]

Vexed, I got into sessions with a good therapist. I also got involved with a self-help group.

My ex was with someone that she  was cheating on me with. Living with him seamlessly after walking out on me a week before Christmas.  She would be soo vicious to me and abusive... .and she was enjoying it. Really sick stuff. Looking back she just wanted to see how much she could humiliate me and see if I was still there.  She was getting all of her "power" from the new other(s). She had somewhere else to feed. Sounds like you are in a similar situation. A healthy person with good self esteem would not be engaged with a person who is interacting with you the way that she is. I was involved in a total selfish psycho power trip.  ... .and I was still there... my choice... .I was so devastated and she'll-shocked. It was not healthy for my soulful being.

I could not handle my situation or how I was being treated I needed extra help. Do any and everything you can to take care of you. The pwBPD only  cares about themself, your best interest is not considered, which would be in a healthy, loving interaction between two adults.

I understand your feelings and what you are going through... .

[Vexed]

Thanks guys.  Everything you're saying hits home and is 100% accurate.  I know this, and it's so blatant this board is the only place I can talk about it.  If I told any of my friends or family I don't think they could ever see me the same. 

I talked to her again the conversation only got worse, she miraculously got her period, 5 days late in the middle of our convo.  Then must have sensed some weakness in me because next thing I know she's telling me how she doesn't know if she still has feelings for me (1 hour after she was pregnant and wanted me back).  Then she starts telling me to whiten my teeth, lose my loves handles, and work on getting a butt, if I want her back.  what the heck?

Meanwhile all the traits are plain as day, and I'm still in this trance talking to her, like my brain has no control over my mouth, next thing I know I'm defending myself and why we should get back together even tho I don't want to anymore.  Then she says " maybe I should feel, ashamed, or guilty, or sorry, but I don't I'm just mad at you"  she also ended up blaming me for the unprotected sex during ovulation, apparently because I told her not to. These are succubis are amazing creatures. 

[Blimblam]

Yes they are succubi I agree.

Continued contact will drain you of your vital life force.

It takes a sociopath (vampire)to handle them and even they find them draining.

It is hard to break the bond with her because you identify her and your love of yourself as one and the same but that is an illusion.

[Vexed]

It is hard to break the bond with her because you identify her and your love of yourself as one and the same but that is an illusion.

Absolutely.  I guess it's the getting my mind to realize the illusion I can't seem to accomplish.

[Blimblam]

You have been conditioned to feel love as pain and fear in your relationship. So stop fighting the pain and fear. Let go of the idea of yourself as a good strong person.  Lean into the pain. And embrace the uncomfortable empty black hole feeling in your chest accept it. Accept defeat and surrender to that feeling in your body. Stay with the uncomfortable body sensations embrace them but don't hold onto them. Remember to breath from your belly.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey vexed, Maybe you can see her recent "pregnancy" as a ploy to get you back?  In other words, manipulation.  Maybe you can view this recent incident as a reminder that it's time to move on?  On some level, I think, you already know what you need to do.  My suggestion is: make a clean break.  It doesn't get better, believe me, and in fact can get a lot worse. 

Lucky Jim

[maxen]

next thing I know I'm defending myself

yup, sounds like a BPD relationship.

built into the very syntax of their sentences is the victim posture, and lots of us go with it. so at least you're not alone, not at all. there's a board full of people here who have done the same thing. and you can't even defend yourself by showing her the factual errors of her assertions about you. when my stbxw bolted (to somebody else, she had it prepared) she said one of the reasons was my "logical argumentation."

possible approach: simply assert your own position. if she does not respond directly to it, don't continue.

however, read your own posts on this thread: do you want to be involved with someone like that? i know from my own life the emotional investment and how very very hard it is to walk away from it, but ... .do you?