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george2

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« on: July 30, 2014, 12:00:13 AM »

I have experienced two nights of BPD trauma and drama... .I am exhausted with about 3-4 hours of sleep, trying to work a demanding job, trying to take care of the kids in the morning while she lays in bed grouchy and telling me how controlling I am (and that I hate the way she takes care of the kids and obviously hate her, blah, blah, blah... .), feed them something healthy, attempt to stabilize her as I find her "cutting" again telling me she wants a divorce, "and wants one TODAY [emphasis added], head to the office, field her calls during the day griping about me or informing me of the binge spending that occurred, coming home to a complete mess and planning dinner, balancing out her insecurities and emotional neediness toward me and our children while trying to provide some form of consistent love in their lives... .  I know I am whining, but I have no one to whine or complain to - I need to get it out and am thankful for these boards.  No one in my life understands the demands of my dBPDw. 
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Cat21
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 183


« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2014, 12:11:29 AM »

I'm sorry, George. That is totally unfair and crappy. Vent away! You deserve to get it out. I hope things improve soon for you.
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itgirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years living together
Posts: 195



« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2014, 06:10:33 AM »

hey George,

I hope you have found some time to sleep and take care of yourself.  This is very important.  How are things today?

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ortac77
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 318



« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2014, 09:48:38 AM »

George

I understand, you must look after yourself, attend to your needs - be 'selfish' for a change.

I use the AA phrase HALT - if you are Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired then you must attend to those needs before you can even consider anyone else

Hope things get better
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george2

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« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2014, 09:21:27 PM »

Thanks everyone for the kind words and responses.  Today has been a good day for her, so that has made it a better day for me.  What is upsetting to me the most, and the irony at times, as much as I carry the weight of parenting and consistent nurturing for the children (who by the way are the absolute lights of my life), at the end of the day, when I get the time with them... .my nerves are so shot anymore from the emotional balancing act with her, and a stressful day at work, that I have been too short and irritable with my little ones.  Granted, I am almost ALWAYS the steady, consistent one, but lately, I do not even feel like myself, (I feel like I am acting like BPDw), short fuse, moody, and petty with a child... .this is NOT me, and has NEVER been me, so I am not sure, except lately, as I told a confidante, I am soo weary and worn out, numb, and just empty.  Has anyone else felt this way - acting out in a manner that seems so foreign?  Maybe more sleep will help - maybe I need to see a therapist again.  Thanks for listening... .
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ortac77
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 318



« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2014, 08:19:41 PM »

Thanks everyone for the kind words and responses.  Today has been a good day for her, so that has made it a better day for me.  What is upsetting to me the most, and the irony at times, as much as I carry the weight of parenting and consistent nurturing for the children (who by the way are the absolute lights of my life), at the end of the day, when I get the time with them... .my nerves are so shot anymore from the emotional balancing act with her, and a stressful day at work, that I have been too short and irritable with my little ones.  Granted, I am almost ALWAYS the steady, consistent one, but lately, I do not even feel like myself, (I feel like I am acting like BPDw), short fuse, moody, and petty with a child... .this is NOT me, and has NEVER been me, so I am not sure, except lately, as I told a confidante, I am soo weary and worn out, numb, and just empty.  Has anyone else felt this way - acting out in a manner that seems so foreign?  Maybe more sleep will help - maybe I need to see a therapist again.  Thanks for listening... .

Yes - certainly felt like that. Sleep can help, although when stressed it can be difficult to get the sleep that you need. I find therapy a useful intervention from time to time. I also find it helpful to just 'get away' even if its just for a walk.
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White_Lily

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: 9 1/5 years in relationship, living apart
Posts: 27



« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2014, 08:24:03 AM »

Hi George,

Yes, all what you said about how you feel seems familiar.  I certainly had so many sleepless nights, so I downloaded talking books to help me calm down and I find myself drifting into deep sleep.  One of my favorites is Ekhart Tolle's ones because it helps me balance myself by reminding me of the purpose of my life.

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