Am I shallow for feeling this way?

[byfaith]

I do not want to spend the rest of my life with no romantic intimacy with my wife. I am not going to have an affair or seek out other means of "satisfaction". None of that would be satisfying.

I have not been able to accept this fact yet. It makes me feel like telling her she lied to me. I feel so cheated out of something that she had so much to give me our first 2 years together. I don't even know how to bring the subject up. Every time I hint at it the subject gets shot down and being around her becomes weird. She tells me that is something that just puts added stress. I guess it's like many other subjects that I just keep bottled inside.

I have never been in such an emotional position in my life. I find myself becoming depressed and I have to find ways to bring myself out of the depression.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Not shallow at all.  You are exploring your own needs and your own happiness.  Intimacy is part of a healthy relationship. If intimacy is what you need, and you aren't getting it, you have every right to be vocal about it.  And if she can't help you in that regard, you have every right to respectfully end the relationship.  The problem is with BPD relationships, we get stuck in this FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt), and they help convince us that we are evil people causing them so much pain.  And then we feel guilt over having feelings of wanting more. 

I can tell you that in my experience, I have come to accept that a certain level of intimacy with my dBPD fiancé probably will never be possible.  And even though I accept it as the way it is, I am not 100% sure that I can deal with that in the long term. 

[Vexed]

Not at all.   Take a look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, sex is one of the most basic physiological needs, right there next to food and water.  Romantic intamacy is little further up the triangle, but still without it you are prevented from moving forward towards self actualization and happiness.