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Author Topic: The downward spiral of BPD...  (Read 754 times)
Foreverhopefull
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« on: August 06, 2014, 06:14:37 AM »

For the past few weeks my dBPDh has been spiraling out of control.

-Depression

He's thoughts all always about dying right now. All he thinks about is how much everyone's  life would be better without him. He even has plans made on his suicide, but won't share them.

-Abandonnement issues completely irrational

He freaks when I go to work, the gym or even spend 2 minutes on the phone with my mother... .or he tells me to leave, but won't stop calling/texting while I'm gone.

-Emotions are all over the map One second he's ok, the next he's bawling then its a fit of rage, then he's sorry for the roller coaster we were on for the last 5 minutes.

-Self-harm

He started punching himself on the head or anywhere else he is able to do so. This usually happens after he thinks he made a mistake or when he gets angry with himself.

- Relationships

He has just got back in contact with his sister after 10 years of silence. Now he's talking of detaching himself from her again to save her from him. But he get's angry if she doesn't call him when she said she would.

-Distorted self image

He hates himself, completely can't understand why I'm still around. Brings himself down for everything he does "wrong" in his eyes (like saying the wrong TV show when talking about it)

-Impulsive behavior

He has acute cirrhosis, he had stopped drinking but now he drinks more than ever. since the Dr told him taking a drink was like playing Russian bullet, he keeps saying "will this be the one that kills me?" as he opens the next bottle.

-Lost of interest

He's been an avid collector of anything Star Wars, he had an amazing collection that has been displayed all over the basement. He's been putting it away in boxes in the last months. He's taken down all the posters. He's packing it up.

-Feeling of emptiness and /or boredom

He's saying he's bored all the time, will start watching a movie and within 10-15min in the movie et changes movie and again and again. He then refuses all chances for any activity.

-Stress-Related paranoid thoughts

He's having a hard time knowing the difference between life and his dreams, says he's seeing shapes and figures behind me or walking pass him

-Difficulty controlling his anger

He gets into these fits of rage where he is very nasty in his words towards me and again hurts himself by punching himself with all his strength.


So the spiral is quickly getting to the most narrow portion of itself and it's scary.  I know he has no interest in fighting it, I can see it in his eyes. :'( :'( :'(
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Inquisitive1
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 230



« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2014, 09:17:37 AM »

That sounds really tough. I wish you the best of luck.

If these things have suddenly started to intensify, it makes me wonder what has changed. I'm new at this, but it seems BPD stuff like that is usually a reaction to something real or imagined.
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Foreverhopefull
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« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2014, 09:24:33 AM »

The reason for all this is simple... .his therapist is off on maternity leave since April and has yet to be replaced by her employer and since then he found out that his liver is untreatable at this stage and he will be going through acute liver failure from time to time, get to stay at the hospital for a time (so they can drain the liquids in his stomach, last time they removed enough liquids to show up as a 50lbs lost), then be sent home until his liver fails completely.

He doesn't have his therapist to refocus him, he won't listen to me or anyone else and he's been placed on a massive waiting list to get another therapist during her leave.
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maxsterling
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: living together, engaged
Posts: 2772



« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2014, 11:09:37 AM »

Wow, Foreverhopefull, I'm so very sorry you are dealing with that.  Dealing with the idea of being permanently ill is devastating to mentally healthy people, and must be exponentially worse for someone with BPD.  I've seen the downward spiral in my BPD fiancĂ©, but I haven't seen her sink to the level you described.  But I do know that what seems to cause her the deepest depression is when she thinks her body is failing and her the cause of it.  I'm sure what you can do here.  In mentally healthy people, you can try to lift their spirits by distracting them or reminding them of the many blessings they have.  You co do that through nice gestures, thoughtful gifts, taking them someplace nice.  But when I try to do that with my BPD fiancĂ©, it usually backfires.  I suppose you can try and validate how low he must feel given his failing liver and then trying to talk with him about his feelings.  But really, that is the role of his therapist... .

My thoughts go out to you.  this is rough.
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Inquisitive1
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 230



« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2014, 12:35:52 PM »

That is rough. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and hope that things somehow get better.
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JohnLove
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 571



« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2014, 05:02:54 PM »

There is an old saying in regard to irritable behaviour... ."___ on the liver"... .this is from the liver becoming congested with toxins from the environment and/or diet. It directly causes persons (non's) to become short, irritable, rude, angry, frustrated, cranky in their disposition.

Acute cirrhosis + BPD = what you are experiencing.

Be aware of this. It would seem this is a form of suicidal ideation.

Take care. Put yourself first.  
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Foreverhopefull
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« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2014, 12:02:37 PM »

I am putting myself first, I run away to the gym (what a difference this place is doing for me).

Last night he was good, he was supportive of me training, he was in a "normal" mood (not over the top happy, but not depressed either, without being blah).
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Inquisitive1
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 230



« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2014, 08:32:31 AM »

good on you. Exercise is critical to me maintaining a good mood, and probably helps you to. That is critical self-care. Your partner benefits from your improved mood too. If he complains about the gym, you might try telling him that you need that release to maintain a good mood. My wife has come to understand this and is pretty supportive of my bike rides which take 2-4 hours.
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