Help needed to stop trying to control the situation through panic...

[sweetheart]

Hello all,

It's been a while since I posted, I've been reading but lacked the energy to post.

Life is a bit calmer, I feel calmer, I have stopped entering into the dysfunction and am focusing on me much more.

That said I am posting so I can stop myself from phoning and phoning my dBPDh out of frustration, anger and insecurity.

He tried to harm himself again a week ago and from the off I involved his mental health social worker to manage the situation. Primarily because it was the start of the summer school holidays and I didn't want our son caught up in any of the chaos. As a result of the incident my dBPDh was at last offered and accepted a voluntary respite admission to hospital ( they had said that they would detain him if he refused ) - he was offered a local hospital bed two days later and we all went together. There were some last minute stalling and little bits of acting out which I expected, but it felt really positive as we waved goodbye. That was 7 days ago.

Contact for the first few days was through text and then he would phone once a day to speak to me and our son. We visited on Saturday and he was calm and positive. He then started sending text saying he felt paranoid about the staff, was having auditory and visual hallucinations and was feeling scared. From what I could also ascertain he was very demanding and abusive at times when his needs weren't being met as he expected. I informed the staff of the telephone conversations and said my husband was very good at masking these kind of symptoms. Anyway his contact lessens, he doesn't answer his phone and when I do speak to him he is angry, blaming and paranoid ( all of which is very normal for him ) - then I get a call from his social worker to say he is being discharged today with no follow-up planned. I was surprised and angry and voiced this saying that the assessment period was in no way long enough, but was told that doctors said there was nothing wrong with him.

So last night I phoned him and he started shouting and ranting saying he was going to rip peoples heads off etc etc, eventually he calmed down and I asked him what time he wanted me to pick him up tomorrow. He said he didn't know he was being discharged ( I did think it was odd that he hadn't let me know ) he sounded scared and upset and I know he doesn't feel ready to leave yet. Phonecall ended ok him saying he was going to talk to staff I said give me a ring tomorrow and let me know what's happening.

I phoned the ward this morning to check he was still being discharged, he is, so I phoned him twice no answer and then text about picking him up etc ( the unit is not local and he has no money as I was due to visit today with his bank card ) no response.

This triggers lots of my own insecurities about being left and I feel compelled to phone and text incessantly. I'm not going to but I want to. Inside I am angry and upset, and I know that what he is doing sets up that response in me because that is how he feels. This also plays havoc with my need to control and know things when I feel anxious and it's hard to just sit with it all. So I decided to post here to see if I could manage my feelings better through writing about it.

So a bit of a vent really, not sure what I am looking for in response... .

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[sweetheart]

Also if he doesn't contact or come home do I just leave it ? Or should I keep up some form of contact and if so what do I say ?

Should I phone the ward later to see if he was actually discharged or just leave it ?

I hate feeling like this!

[Foreverhopefull]

Personally, I  would call the ward since he's not responding.

If they say he left, I would try him and tell him that you are available to pick him up, he just needs to tell you where you are since you know he's not at the hospital. Then let him contact you.

[sweetheart]

Thanks Foreverhopeful,

That's what I did, then he phoned and said where are you ? ?

He's home now which is good and all is settled.

[Inquisitive1]

Glad to things turned out well.

I am appalled he was discharged with no follow-up planning. This is a sore point for me because it recently happened to a loved one of mine. This person was admitted for addiction and suicidality and then discharged a month or so later with no follow-up. I have some professional experience with psychiatric hospitalization and it took two months to get my loved one connected with a decent therapist--and I worked hard at it. This is totally f'd up.

Sorry about ranting there for a minute. But if someone is sick enough to need hospitalization, they should get some follow-up. It should be required. I will simmer down now.

Sweetheart, if nothing else I hope you know you're not alone in struggling with getting decent psychiatric care in the U.S. health system.

[sweetheart]

Good morning Inquisitive1,

Thanks for your lovely post - we live in the UK and from what I've been reading care of people in crisis and in serious need of hospitalisation in the USA for the most part matches our desultory mental health system over here.

My dBPDh in crisis, poured lighter fluid over himself and had to be restrained by the police to stop from setting light to himself - but this was not serious enough   for longer than a week in hospital with no discharge care.

We have discharge care now, but I had to shout extremely loud to get it, I have been shouting and fighting for the last year, it has been truly devastating to watch my husband spiral out of control and for our services here to sit back and do nothing. Thank goodness for the police.

You rant as much as you like, I don't know what I would have done without ranting 

It's good to know I'm not alone