Deranged stalker

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So we settled the unfounded restraining order with my husband's ex last month.  She is now (wrongly) convinced that we have hacked her email to obtain the information we submitted to her employer that led to her being cited for an ethics violation, and she has contacted everyone from our local police department to the FBI to see if they can help her prove how we did it.

We are now in the document-document-document phase of preparing to modify the parenting plan.

New crazy parenting issue: ex lives a few hours away from us, which makes it difficult for the husband to get to the daughter's school, although I try very hard to make him aware of dates like concerts, conferences and the like. We still don't get to attend many events, and the ex uses this as an example of why we are terrible parents.  Meet the teacher night is coming up, and it coincides with a weekend that we have his daughter.  Hubs told daughter that we would be attending the event at school, and now the ex is convinced this is another attempt to harass her. 

It's going to be a stressful evening.  I can see both parents playing tug of war over the child, and I can see her trying to manipulate the situation.  Think good thoughts for me... .

[gherkins]

So we settled the unfounded restraining order with my husband's ex last month.  She is now (wrongly) convinced that we have hacked her email to obtain the information we submitted to her employer that led to her being cited for an ethics violation, and she has contacted everyone from our local police department to the FBI to see if they can help her prove how we did it.

We are now in the document-document-document phase of preparing to modify the parenting plan.

New crazy parenting issue: ex lives a few hours away from us, which makes it difficult for the husband to get to the daughter's school, although I try very hard to make him aware of dates like concerts, conferences and the like. We still don't get to attend many events, and the ex uses this as an example of why we are terrible parents.  Meet the teacher night is coming up, and it coincides with a weekend that we have his daughter.  Hubs told daughter that we would be attending the event at school, and now the ex is convinced this is another attempt to harass her. 

It's going to be a stressful evening.  I can see both parents playing tug of war over the child, and I can see her trying to manipulate the situation.  Think good thoughts for me... .

[Matt]

How did you actually get the information she thinks you got wrongly?

Can you tell everybody how you got it so her accusations will be see t as false?

How do you know that the ex thinks this is another attempt to harass her?

I think it's important that you and your husband are very involved in your stepdaughter's school - meeting her teacher etc.  Maybe on that evening you can also arrange to talk with the school counselor, or principal, or others involved.  Meet as many members of the faculty as you can and let them know you are involved and concerned.

[gherkins]

She posts a lot online on different forms of social media.  That's the answer to the first and third questions.  I see no reason to let her know how many of her online identities I am aware of.  She tends to withhold a lot of vital parenting information from us and this helps keep us informed.  It's also going to come in handy when we go back to court.

I really want to be more active in the kiddo's school.  Distance is a problem that is hard to overcome sometimes, and her teacher last year was not very open to phone, skype or email meetings.  That's why I want to meet the teacher in person next week.

As for beating the restraining order, her 20 pages of "history of abuse" were thrown out by the judge.  He then gave her the chance to withdraw the complaint or he would rule against it.  She chose the former.

[Matt]

Maybe when you meet the teacher, you can have a good talk with her, and then let her know how far you live and how much you want to stay involved - teachers often say their biggest problem is parents who aren't involved! - and ask her if there is a way to communicate long-distance.  The obvious answer is e-mail - I use e-mail with my kids' teachers all the time, even though I live very close to their school - there's really no reason for a teacher not to be willing to communicate with you that way.

Maybe if you ask it nicely - "How is the best way for us to communicate with you when we can't be here in person?" - she might loosen up and say e-mail, phone, etc.