We had a really nice lunch the other day out. It was really great. She showed signs of her long ago self. I enjoyed myself - and was lulled into just a nice natural place... .not worrying about eggshells.
On the ride home... .I said... .
"You know - we need to really do this more often. It was really nice."
"We should show each other and us being together more appreciation than we do"
( I was REALLY in a good spot when I said that and was SO appreciating her and us)
Her reaction?
She got upset. Angry.
I was TOTALLY confused.
I kept trying to understand (through the shock) and simply explain myself.
She then was furious that I was "criticising" her. Said that "nothing is ever enough"... .
She would NOT stop seeing what I thought was a POSITIVE and caring statement coming from a great feeling for her and our marriage... .and looking it as a "negative" (?) statement?
She then said "If I am not enough for you. IF they way I am is not good enough for you. Then you need to let me go"
Whaaaaatt?
Hi nightmoves,
I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed your lunch together
Less is more when it comes to telling them or
explaining what our expectations are of our time spent together, after a really nice time. The way "we"
should behave towards each other, which some people take as
"I" should... .What, be more? I'm not enough?
(
more = room for interpretation) In a way, it's saying, "See! This is what I have been trying to get through to you!" Diminishing the nice time spent together that just took place,
in essence, not appreciating it or her, because she
should appreciate you more... .
(
less =) "I had such a nice time today and feel so good! (kiss) Looking forward to doing it again... . How does the place you mentioned the other day sound?"
It's owning your own feelings, appreciating her and your time spent together, while giving her the space to come forward to meet you where you are, if she so desires.
We only have control over ourselves, our own emotions, so might as well be loving towards yourself with respect for her
Otherwise, just bask in the moment
Talk about the actual time that you're spending together, with no expectations of future anything's. They'll come once the pressure is off