Meeting X today to discuss my boundaries with her moving in across street

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 I am meeting with my nutty uBPDxw to discuss my boundaries with her because she is moving in across the street. I already had one discussion with her last week about how she is hurting the boys with her actions. She sobbed and cried in typical BPD Waif like fashion. She claimed she's broke and has used up all the settlement money she got from me... .In one calendar year. Even though I don't believe anything she says I think there is truth to this as she is so irresponsible! .

What I plan on telling her is a reinforcement of my personal boundaries that are non negotiable:

*she is not welcome on my property. It may sound harsh but it is for MY sanity!

* she will not be calling our house phone at all hours to soothe herself by hearing the kids voices. She does this a lot. Doesn't ask to see them just calls to chat for a few minutes. I want to set up a daily scheduled time that the kids can call her. I think having a set scheduled time will add stability to the situation.

*If she wants to be involved with the kids lives she needs to GET INVOLVED on her own. Things like going on school website (like I do) to find out kids school activities and functions. I'm tired of having to parent her on being a parent.

*Her family. she has painted all of them black even her sweet mother. I have her family up frequently to see their grand kids. She hasn't seen or talked to her family in over a year. All,her lies have caught up to her and she is hiding from them. Not my problem but I will keeps,her family involved with our kids lives! She'll just have to keep hiding

*When kids are with her they need to be with her. I don't want to be in the situation where kids are running back and forth. My time is my time. But I already informed kids if they are uncomfortable to let me know and we will make arrangements for them to come back home. She has already agreed to this.

*I am moving (hopefully by next summer). I may have to move out of school district. I have primary PHYSICAL custody but we share legal custody. I don't want a problem from her on this one.

Please say a prayer for me at 2pm est today. I don't even want to see this woman ever again but I need to have this discussion in person so she understands the boundaries.

Thoughts appreciated!

MWC... .

[mywifecrazy]

 I am meeting with my nutty uBPDxw to discuss my boundaries with her because she is moving in across the street. I already had one discussion with her last week about how she is hurting the boys with her actions. She sobbed and cried in typical BPD Waif like fashion. She claimed she's broke and has used up all the settlement money she got from me... .In one calendar year. Even though I don't believe anything she says I think there is truth to this as she is so irresponsible! .

What I plan on telling her is a reinforcement of my personal boundaries that are non negotiable:

*she is not welcome on my property. It may sound harsh but it is for MY sanity!

* she will not be calling our house phone at all hours to soothe herself by hearing the kids voices. She does this a lot. Doesn't ask to see them just calls to chat for a few minutes. I want to set up a daily scheduled time that the kids can call her. I think having a set scheduled time will add stability to the situation.

*If she wants to be involved with the kids lives she needs to GET INVOLVED on her own. Things like going on school website (like I do) to find out kids school activities and functions. I'm tired of having to parent her on being a parent.

*Her family. she has painted all of them black even her sweet mother. I have her family up frequently to see their grand kids. She hasn't seen or talked to her family in over a year. All,her lies have caught up to her and she is hiding from them. Not my problem but I will keeps,her family involved with our kids lives! She'll just have to keep hiding

*When kids are with her they need to be with her. I don't want to be in the situation where kids are running back and forth. My time is my time. But I already informed kids if they are uncomfortable to let me know and we will make arrangements for them to come back home. She has already agreed to this.

*I am moving (hopefully by next summer). I may have to move out of school district. I have primary PHYSICAL custody but we share legal custody. I don't want a problem from her on this one.

Please say a prayer for me at 2pm est today. I don't even want to see this woman ever again but I need to have this discussion in person so she understands the boundaries.

Thoughts appreciated!

MWC... .

[Nope]

I'd bring a tape recorder. You don't want her saying you said things you didn't say or saying she never agreed to things she didn't agree to. To that end I would also bring a notebook and note what was discussed so you can turn it into a follow up email. A ubiquitous aspect of BPD is boundary busting. So we will need to be held accountable.

My other bit of advice is to keep it all business. Yes, what she's doing is disgusting but as good as it might feel to continually remind her of that it won't get you anywhere. She may just sit there focusing on how upset she is and then be even less able to hear or experience your boundaries.

Good luck!

[mywifecrazy]

I'd bring a tape recorder. You don't want her saying you said things you didn't say or saying she never agreed to things she didn't agree to. To that end I would also bring a notebook and note what was discussed so you can turn it into a follow up email. A ubiquitous aspect of BPD is boundary busting. So we will need to be held accountable.

My other bit of advice is to keep it all business. Yes, what she's doing is disgusting but as good as it might feel to continually remind her of that it won't get you anywhere. She may just sit there focusing on how upset she is and then be even less able to hear or experience your boundaries.

Good luck!

Excellent points. Not sure about the recorder but the follow up email I will do.

Yes I asked for prayers from friends and prayed myself that I KEEP IT ALL BUSINESS. It will be tempting to remind her how SICK she is but that will get me nowhere.

Thank you for your response.

MWC... .

[mywifecrazy]

Well I had my meeting with my uBPDxw and it was anti-climatic. She sat there like a bump on the log with no thoughts or feelings on anything. It's weird, now that I'm aware of her BPD I was wondering if I was witnessing her disassociating. She just had this blank stare. 

In her mind she doesn't think any of this is harmful to the kids and can't understand why I need to move . I actually think she wants me to stay there just so the kids are close by to ease her guilt. Not that she wants to do anything more for them or have them more than every other weekend but just knowing they are across the street soothes her in some odd way. She said this to my 9yr old "I will feel much better knowing you are nearby"   

Anyway I explained my boundaries and didn't get into any discussions about her F¥cked Up behavior (That's what these boards are for... and thank GOD for that). I did tell her that I will send an email confirming what we discussed (Thanks nope!)

The only thing left now is for me to move... .I CANT WAIT!

MWC... .

[trying2coparent]

The only thing left now is for me to move... .I CANT WAIT!

Have you reread your Court Order to see if there is a Geographical Restriction. If you are moving outside of that zone, you'll need to get a court's approval. Just saying... .gotta dot all your i's and cross all the t's to avoid drama .

[mywifecrazy]

Yes I did Trying thanks for the response. In all likelihood I will be staying in the district anyway as my son just started high school. My X actually said it would be OK if I HAD to move out of the district. She doesn't care... .as long as she doesn't have to take care of them!

MWC