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Author Topic: Intensive therapy success stories?  (Read 400 times)
Eduardo15

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« on: August 15, 2014, 11:42:33 AM »

Long story short, my ex-fiance has been in a weekly DBT class for about 4 months, and have seen only slight improvement from her.

There are places, one in Chicago called Compass Health Center, where they have an intensive program, go for 6/8 hours a day 5 days a week for however long they feel necessary, then slighty taper from there.

Has anyone had a loved one go through a program like this? I know there are also residence centers where the patient lives there.

If so, how were the results? I am scared that so much has happened between my ex and my family/close friends, that the patience and understanding for her that I have wont be there for her in the future, even in everyday type issues we all have, but I guess that is beside the point here.

Thanks!
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maxsterling
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« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2014, 01:05:45 PM »

Well, I didn't know her when she went through it, but according to my fiancé, she has been in 10-12 different mental hospitals.  I assume some of her stays were relatively short, on the order of days to a few weeks, but I know other stays in the hospital were on the order of months, one of which included DBT and a multiple-day-per-week outpatient program that lasted a few years.  Since I have known her, she has had one 10-day inpatient stay and a followup group therapy 3 days a week that lasted an additional 1.5 months.  Doctors probably would have kept her in the hospital longer, but she lied about how she was feeling in order to get released, and should have been kept longer in the outpatient program, but she lost her insurance and they had to discharge her.

You ask about success stories - how would you measure success?  My fiancé's last major stay in the hospital that included the intensive outpatient DBT began 12 years ago.  And since then she has not engaged in cutting, hasn't attempted suicide, and hasn't injected heroin or any other illegal drugs.  So, you can say that is success, because without the intensive DBT program there is no question she would be dead.  On the other hand, she still easily meets all 9 criteria for BPD.  She still rages, self harms through other means besides cutting, engages in risky behavior, and has switched her addictions from drugs to other things (food, spending money, sex).  While she did manage to complete graduate school and get a teaching certificate, she hasn't been able to hold down a job longer than a year, hasn't been able to live in the same place for more than a year, hasn't been able to keep a stable social life, and is negative and depressed most of the time.  Success?  I think (and she thinks, too) that she needs to be in regular therapy for the rest of her life. 

In the case of your ex-fiancé, is she thinking about checking herself into one of these programs?  Or is this something you are thinking of pushing?  Or is this the push of her doctors?  If weekly DBT isn't doing much, then something like this would be the next level.  It very well could help her, but I caution you to keep your expectations low.  "Success" may not mean she comes out as a normal functioning adult.  Success could simply mean she is no longer a danger to herself or others.
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Eduardo15

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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2014, 10:50:15 AM »

Wow seems like you have been through a ton.

It was more my idea, but something she has seen open too. She has continued to lash out at myself/friends, manipulate sitiations, constantly lie, become very emotionally unstable when anything difficult comes up, recently quit weekly dbt because she says she felt ashamed that it wasnt helping her when it came to me, didnt like being in a group, wasnt capable or comfortable being herself in front of everyone.

Still seeing individual therapist, but that is all she is currently doing
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maxsterling
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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2014, 01:58:24 PM »

Eduardo - that's a tough stage she is in.  I saw that with my fiancé where she just seemed burnt out or negative to any kind of treatment that would potentially help her.  She was extremely depressed, nearly everything upset her, and she seemed to be through with trying.  She, too got into group DBT.  She missed one session because she just didn't feel like going, and the next week she was sick.  After two missed sessions, they kicked her out for a few months.  When she was allowed back, she went to one session, and then decided to quit, claiming that she didn't like the group setting and that she felt it was not helping her.  She sometimes goes the same route with 12-step meetings.  She will put her butt in the chair, but will take a closed off attitude.  I think she quit the DBT and takes the closed off attitude at AA meetings because it forces her to examine herself, and she's not wanting to do that right now.  Both of those situations would require her to admit that her behavior is causing her problems.  That's a hard thing to do.
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MissyM
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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2014, 10:55:44 PM »

My husband hasn't done that kind of intensive but has done 2 week long intensives, the one we went to together is when he was diagnosed with BPD.  He does a lot of therapy work right now, 2 - 12 step meetings, 1 individual session, 1 couples session, one group therapy, and he speaks to his sponsor daily and meets with him 1 time, all of this is every week.  He sees a psychiatrist 1 time a month, until his new meds are all the way worked out.  He has been doing this rate of work for the last several months and it has made a HUGE difference.  He was reluctant in the beginning to really dive into the 12 step work but got himself a new sponsor and has really been able to do the work.   I think getting on a new medication helped, DBT for couples helped and his IC is working from an approach of his PD.   I can't tell you what the long term outcome is but right now he is a thousand times better than he was in January.  I don't know how long he will be able to do work this intensively but at least for a year, probably.
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Eduardo15

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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2014, 12:11:06 PM »

Yea she just seems so down on herself, and dissapointed that she continues to lash out, cause the problems she knows is keeping us apart.

I feel somewhat responsible, not by any means was I discouraging her, but as she continued to push for us to get back together (which would involve her moving back across the country), i had to remind her things werent better for us, I had visited her and she had a terrible episode while there, week later texted a good friend of mine just a horrible completely innapropriate attackative message. Just instance after instance still.

I simply tell her we cant be together while these things are still happening, and she says she is trying so hard, which i tell her im glad and i know, but unfortunately things are still the same with us. I know this isnt an overnight process by any means, but things were way too bad between us to be dating while this chaos is still a part of our life together.

She took this as no matter how hard she trys, she cant help it, she thinks she is a failure, and cant understand why she cant be better for herself to give her the life she so desperately wants.

its just a tragic situation, really is
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maxsterling
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« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2014, 01:31:16 PM »

Yes, very tragic. 

It's tough to see someone whom admits they have issues, try to control those issues, and yet still stumble into the same problems time and time again.  And it's tough on us to keep our boundaries and know such people are toxic, and not try and rush in and "help".  Sometimes I think life was easier for the pwBPD when they were reckless and blamed the world for everything.  They weren't living with the enormous shame of having screwed everything up for themselves.  Not to say life was easy, but I think coming to grips with BPD and changing behaviors is an almost impossible task.  It takes so much effort for us to accept them, just imagine what it takes for them to accept themselves.

I think that's what's been so hard for my fiancé coming into the relationship with me.  She's used to people having screwed up lives.  People who get angry, curse, and do bad things.  I think it just escalates her shame to be with someone who doesn't fight back against her, who takes care of himself, and who is happy.  I think for years she could blame her problems on other things and justify herself.  Now, she has to look inward.  As our T said recently - she now has everything she claimed she wanted, yet is still depressed.  Time for her to examine that. 

I think that is what your ex is facing.  She has to take a deep look at herself and face her past.  It's going to take a very long time for her to sort through it. 
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MissyM
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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2014, 07:12:48 PM »

It does take years for there to be a difference.  My dBPDh started recovery work about 2 years ago and just wasn't able to fully engage, until his BPD diagnosis.  He is working incredibly hard and I know feels drained about it.  Facing their demons is incredibly challenging and add on top of that learning to behave differently.  I have only a minor amount of issues to face, in comparison, and it has taken me years and I don't think that I will ever stop working on myself.
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