Here is my original thread... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=229475.0So this weekend (on Sunday), my wife and I were supposed to take our kids to a horse show across town. Saturday, I had to pick my dog up from my wife and take him to the vet as he's been having some issues. I had my kids with me and when we were done at the vet, I took my dog back to her house. She asked if we wanted to come in (keep in mind, her and I and our kids haven't seen each other in two weeks). I said, "Sure". It was mostly comfortable except my oldest son was having a problem and made it evident that he had a problem with me being there. She told him he needed to change his attitude and he started to. We went to lunch, the hardware store to get some things and back to her house. I offered to spray the outside of her house with some pesticide we bought and hang some pictures with her. She said I didn't have to, but told her I wanted to. We started to hang stuff and offered some suggestions, and if she didn't take them, I just said, "OK, how would you like it?" After about 30 minutes of responding the same way and not getting emotional, she asked, "Why aren't you arguing with me? You used to argue if you didn't like something." She was real sweet when she asked it, and could tell she was having a moment of clarity. I told her that I don't want to argue as it isn't worth ruining our time together, and that this was her house and I respected that. We continued to get along great. She asked if we wanted to stay for pizza and agreed. We were having a good time and I never brought up "us" or our issues, didn't try and hug her or hold her hand even though I wanted to. Just trying to show her I was there and our friendship is important to me. She also told me about having to have a procedure done as she is having her second bout with melanoma. I asked her if she wanted me to take her for her procedure and she said no. I told her if she needed anything to let me know. As the evening went on, I noticed some attitude or angst appearing for no reason and out of nowhere. She asked if we could talk about bills and I said sure. I should have said no, not until my kids go home, but that was my mistake. During talking about bills, it was like the conversation we had before she left never happened and she started bringing up bills before she left town. I explained to her that we had already worked that out and then she started getting upset and calling me a liar even though I have the emails and texts to prove it. I honestly think at the time, she was under so much stress, she really doesn't remember (dysregulated). She said that I wasn't a man or I would pay her what I owe her and the whole time talking, I'm telling her, and holding my ground that she owes me about 300 dollars and it just made her more mad. I tried to stay calm and did until she called me an a$$hole and I told her that I'm not being an a$$hole, I'm holding a line and that she didn't like. She said, "No, your being a d$ckhead. Then I JADE'd... .I told her that if I didn't know any better, that she just wanted my money. I knew it was wrong when it came out, and that did it. She told me to get my kids and get the F___ out of her house and to never come back. She said if I didn't leave, she was going to call the police. It made my youngest daughter cry in front of her and she was stonefaced and looked at us and said, "Bye Bye, and tomorrow, yeah, that isn't going to happen". I just said, "OK" and walked out the door. My daughter asked me on the way home, "Why is it we we're like family all day and then she gets angry and kicks us out?" She said, ":)ad, you love her and are a good person, why does she treat you that way?" Once we got back to my apartment, I then explained in kid terms what I am dealing with. I told them that she doesn't really mean those things, but that she is hurting really bad and doesn't know how to deal with her anger and emotion. I haven't spoken to her since. She removed me from her friends list on Facebook again. She tried to message me yesterday about a bill and I didn't respond. Then last night, she posted on Facebook about her melanoma procedure and that she is feeling down and asked for prayer. A part of me felt bad and wanted to text her that I'm praying for her and my offer still stands, but I thought back to Saturday night and want an apology to me, my kids and her kids for her behavior. I won't bring my kids around her anymore until she does, and she is destroying my relationship with her three that call me dad because they are caught in the middle of her abuse and dysfunction. I am letting go and letting God handle her. I believe in what God has told me regarding us, but He has to fix her, I can't. She needs to know that that behavior is no longer acceptable to me, my kids and it shouldn't be to her either. I feel like she is starting to see a different me and is testing these things. Abusing me in front of my kids is my line.
