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Author Topic: In tears, ready to give up  (Read 557 times)
Elbry
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« on: August 22, 2014, 07:36:15 AM »

Day 3 of school and DD15 is having a meltdown and refusing to go!  I can't deal with this again this year.  Her older sister just had a baby one week ago and DD went with older sister to a friend's house (older daughter currently homeless, moving into apartment Monday) to help with the baby and help her sister as her sister had a c-section.  She left her FB logged in on her other sister's laptop and that sister snooped and found pictures she was PMing friends of herself high and telling them all about how high she was.  So instead of helping with the baby she was over there getting high with her sisters friend!  This is serious, her sister has already lost her 2 older children due to drug use and violent relationships, and that brand new baby was there.  I'm furious. So furious. 

So last night I took her iphone away.  She told me she will do whatever the F she wants to do and there is nothing I can do about it.  There was lots of slamming doors and yelling and screaming, the typical.  Now today she won't go to school.  I just can't do another year of fighting over school EVERY day.  Of getting my hopes up, holding my breath, wondering if she is going to go, not knowing if I am going to have a blow up or a meltdown, calling the school, meetings.  And all the judgements of everyone "why don't you just make her go".  She is 3 inches taller than me and over 200 pounds I can't exactly pick her up and set her on my hip anymore!  I'm so upset.  I'm glad I have my own T this morning in a few minutes. Thanks for letting me vent.   
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« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2014, 07:46:53 AM »

I am so sorry you are going through this. Any way you could get a cop to come visit with her and tell her what happens to kids who refuse to go to school and doing drugs. You should not have to go through this again this year!

What are the natural consequences of not going to school? Getting a job? Paying rent?

I hope your T helps you come up with a plan for what to do. Keep us posted.

Blessings.
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« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2014, 07:56:42 AM »

I hope your therapist can help.

You can't MAKE her go to school. I'm sorry all this is starting up again for you.

I think I would just tell the school that she is completely refusing whatever you say and that you now feel that its beyond your control.

Its horrible the way in which some professionals judge when they have never had to deal with it.
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« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2014, 10:14:25 AM »

Hi Elbry,

I am sorry that the school year has started out so rough for you and your dd, and I am also very sorry to hear about the drug use, and getting high.

My own dd, who is now 30, had similar behaviors when she was about the same age as your dd, maybe a little bit younger. I actually pulled her from the public schools and home schooled through the 8th grade. I worked full time as did my dh, but he was 2nd shift and I was day shift, so we split the classes, he did  some and I did some. Then for High school we enrolled her in the alternative school. Best choice we could have made for her, she was able to learn at her own pace with teachers who understood that she marched to a different drummer. She actually graduated, and on time.

What I am saying is, It isn't hopeless, it just feels that way right now. I am not suggesting that you home school or anything like that. I'm just hoping to help you see that all is not lost.

I hope your struggle finds a way to subside somewhat, so that you can relax for a moment. Take care of yourself. Hugs to you.
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raytamtay3
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« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2014, 02:17:05 PM »

No words of advice Elbry. Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain as I've been there countless times with my own DD14.  Hang in there.
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Elbry
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« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2014, 03:51:50 PM »

Thanks everyone for your replies. 

I'm afraid the day has gotten worse and I don't know what to do.  Usually I have some idea what to do in a situation even if it just really sucks.  I did a TERRIBLE thing!  I got careless.  :'(  I went on an overnight trip with one of my other daughters this week and I came home last night.  I had packed my meds and with them I had taken a bottle of Tylenol for some hip pain I've been having.  I forgot to lock them up last night and now the bottle of Tylenol is missing.  I have searched my whole room.  DD15 swears she didn't take it but I tossed her room anyway, and I didn't find anything.  She could have hidden it somewhere else though.  I am just sick, I have literally thrown up.  She almost died from a Tylenol OD in February. How could I have been so careless?

tristesse, we tried homeschooling last year after a horrible struggle to get her to go to school and she wouldn't do that either.  She says she wants to attend the alternative high school but they won't take her without a referral from the regular high school and she must be in good standing and have a good attendance record.

mama72, I wish the cops could intimidate her but they don't.  They have been here several times, they have given here talks and with one serious cutting episode she refused to cooperate to the point they had to restrain her and handcuff her and take her to the ER.  She doesn't care.

She is spiralling down right now and she knows residential is on the table if she can't be safe at home.  I just don't know what to do about this Tylenol thing. 
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« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2014, 05:22:18 PM »

Tell her, "Yay, now we get to homeschool!  I can't wait to have you home with me ALLLLL week!"  :D :D

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« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2014, 07:17:43 PM »

Oh Elbry,

   Hang in there and keep breathing.  First, I want to address the Tylenol issue.  How would your DD respond if you calmly asked her directly if she knows anything about it?  If you don't trust her answer could you ask if she took it?  Do you think you could tell if she was lying?

I know you feel terrible for making a mistake, but it IS possible it just got lost and your DD did NOT take it or hide it.  I think since she has overdosed on Tylenol before, this event has triggered you into a panic attack.  No wonder you can't think straight!  So, what can you do to calm yourself down? 

I think if you stay calm, you may be able to talk to your DD.  With that said, if you DO think she has the bottle, or took too many, THEN you can call 911.  But, try to calm yourself down FIRST.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this during the first week back to school!

Next, I wanted to ask what do you think may be driving your DD's refusal to go to school?  Lack of friends?  Feeling she doesn't fit in?  Overwhelmed by all the stimulation of it? 

My own DD17 did not do well in our public school setting.  We sent her to a private high school, and she STILL struggled.  She is highly emotionally sensitive and has AD/HD, and the public classroom environment was just too much for her to handle.  I've noticed here on this site that it is not unusual for teens with BPD to need alternative forms of education.  My DD took the HS Proficiency exam and got her GED last year.  She started going to junior college right away... .on her own time, on her own schedule.  No more State regulations telling us how many courses she needs to take, or how many hours she needs to be in school.

I have my own personal experience about trouble with high school that I'll share with you too.  And just for the record, I don't have BPD, though I have since learned, I am highly sensitive.  There are so many things that could cause a teen to not be able to face school! 

My parents divorced when I was 13.  I was an overachieving, perfectionistic people-pleaser.  I aced junior high with straight A's.  I did the same my first year of high school, but then everything in my life changed.  After my parents divorced, my dad moved away with my horses.  Then they died in the Malibu fire of 1978, we moved away, my 4 best friends all moved too, and I started going to a new school my sophomore year that was twice the size of my old high school.  I became shy, and withdrawn, and depressed. I muddled through my sophomore year with lots of illnesses because I was so overwhelmed by the huge school and so lonely.  I didn't have the skills to handle my loneliness, and I didn't even know I was grieving on so many levels.  I wanted to be "popular" but I didn't connect with anybody but the nerds and outcasts.  (I'm comfortable with my "nerdiness" now, but back then, I just wanted to fit in and be liked.)

My junior year, I started out with straight A's again, but I couldn't keep it up.  I got sick, fell behind, and couldn't catch up because I had to get A's on everything, and the task of catching up all that college prep work was too overwhelming.  I couldn't face school anymore. I didn't understand WHY I couldn't make myself go, I just couldn't do it.  I spiraled down into depression and I was overwhelmed by it.  I was a "goodie-two-shoes" so I never got into drugs, though I did sneak some booze once in a while when my old friends came over.  I was college bound, so the druggie types didn't interest me.  My parents tried to help, but they were busy working, and trying to start over their own lives.

I don't know what is fueling your DD to NOT be able to face school, but I believe there are some very intense feelings behind it.  Not every kid fits into the mold of our public school system.  Especially teens with BPD!  So, I hope you consider alternative education programs that may be a better fit for her success.

I understand now, what my own behavior put my parents through.  I didn't mean to upset them.  I was torturing myself inside for my lack of ability to cope with my life back then.  I suspect it is the same for your DD.  I told you all this so you know this... .

 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!   









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« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2014, 08:54:56 PM »

Hello Elbry,

The situation with missing Tylenol must be super stressful for you just now.    If it's not found, would it make you feel better to have your dd checked out just in case?

As far as the school situation, this might be your ticket:

She says she wants to attend the alternative high school but they won't take her without a referral from the regular high school and she must be in good standing and have a good attendance record.

... .She is spiralling down right now and she knows residential is on the table if she can't be safe at home.

Do you think it would work to have a talk with her, and explain that to be able to transfer her, the school requires a referral from her regular school and for that to happen, she needs to be in good standing there, so you will be happy to help her, but this is something she needs to do for herself, if she wants to make it happen?

And depending on the results of that conversation, she could also hear what the alternative is (RTC), or, I am not sure what the laws are in your state to enforce a minor's school attendance?
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Elbry
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« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2014, 08:30:49 AM »

The school does not seem to understand that she is NOT just a typical teenager acting out.  Yes she is a teenager and yes she acts out, BUT she has mental health issues driving the bus sometimes.  I have definitely pushed for alternative ed but they won't let her go unless she is in good standing at the regular high school which makes absolutely no freaking sense to me.  If kids can handle the regular school and be in good standing, why do they need alt ed?  

Healingspirit, you are right.  The past Tylenol incident stuff totally triggered me into a complete panic attack with the missing Tylenol.  It is possible she did not take it.  I appreciate your words about school.  My DD is an overachiever and a perfectionist when it comes to her grades, she has to get all A's too.  And she is SO hard on herself about it, she adds so much stress to herself.  I think she just can't handle mainstream school.

I ended up taking her in for a Tylenol level because I called the helpline and I was advised to do so.  When they came in to draw her blood, the long sleeves came off, and all the cutting was revealed.  She hasn't cut since her OD in February, 2 days of school and she's cutting.  She has only cut deep twice, but she cuts dozens and dozens of times, even hundreds of times.  And no I am not exaggerating, she ends up looking like she has road rash or something there are so many so close together.  Arms and legs. I asked her what she used and she said she has had a razor hidden for over a year. It does me no good to keep those things locked up.

She didn't take any Tylenol.  So that's good.  The bottle is still missing though.  She was almost admitted to the Children's Crisis Stabilization Unit again.  I think she still might be once her regular providers hear about the cutting and the drug use.  Several months ago she almost went to a RTC, but by the time everything got together, my decision for her to go, paperwork, referrals, all that, she had been stable for over a month and she wasn't eligible.  She was told in no uncertain terms at the time, that if she stays safe then she doesn't have to go, but the first time she is unsafe she is out of the home.  So I think this is it.  She has used up all her chances and just can't be safe at home.
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theplotthickens
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« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2014, 08:33:34 AM »

My daughter is just like yours.  She has truth on her side, because she is bigger and badder than I am.  Smiling (click to insert in post)  When my daughter is dysregulated, she gets worse.  How is her mood otherwise?  Has she had a med adjustment lately?  Is she on anything for social anxiety?  Just a couple thoughts.  I was joking about the homeschooling, but I like idea of letting her choose from a variety of school settings.  Online? Private?  Public?  Independent?  Homeschool?  

I like to say what I say, and then walk away.  I expect my daughter to be a student.  It is her full-time job.  She takes 5 classes outside the home, does one on computer, and does one as independent study.  :)id your daughter have any other proposals for meeting the goal of getting ready for life after high school?  :)oes she have a T who can help her see things more reasonably?

Hang in there.  Staying neutral and being calm, while offering her real choices might help.  I also wonder about anxiety or if there is bullying or some other trauma she is avoiding.  I hope that you are able to find peace and clarity!

My dd resisted and refuse school most of the time she was hospitalized, in treatments or in public school.  She got further and further behind and began to believe she was stupid.  SHE was making the choice to refuse, but she did not put that together.   We hope to get her caught up, and into dual enrollment for her senior year next year.  She is a year "behind" and I see it as a good thing now; she is not mentally, academically, or vocationally ready to graduate.  So, maybe let the graduation date perssure slide - nobody is going to die if they graduate late!  In fact, settling on a later, nebulous graduation date took a lot of the pressure and stress off.   My dd cannot handle a full load of classes - she shuts down.  Slow and steady had been best, along with keeping the expectation of being a full-time student; somehow someway.  If she is making progress, I am happy.  Alternative school options are a little more flexible and less stressful; but a good 504 plan should go a long way with increasing the flexibility, IF they follow it.  

I am praying for all of us who have teens going back to school!  We need a lot of wisdom, ideas, and peace!
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« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2014, 08:48:46 AM »

I have definitely pushed for alternative ed but they won't let her go unless she is in good standing at the regular high school which makes absolutely no freaking sense to me.  If kids can handle the regular school and be in good standing, why do they need alt ed?  

That is the most ridiculous thing I have heard in a while.  I am frustrated and angered just reading that.  Grrrrrrrr.  I don't think it is legal; given your daughter's disability.  One resource to check and see what your rights are is NAMI.  :)o you have a county social worker that can advocate for you?

How do you both feel about charter schools, or K12 online, or alternative schools.  In my area, there is a high school at the zoo, for example.

Does your daughter have a vocation picked?  Would dual enrollment be an option for her?  In my area, they can dual enroll at the technical colleges, as well as the local community colleges.  

What is driving the avoidance?  Usually, my daughter is struggling with self-loathing and she cannot tolerate anything that makes it worse: academic failure, social failure, etc.  She really needs something low stress to function.

It sounds like she is very dyregulated, and maybe needs in-patient to stabilize.  What meds is she on, if you don't mind me asking?  Any other dx besides BPD?  Lamictal has been a great stabilizer for those who land a lot on the depressive/cutting end.  I mention it, because it took away my dd's overwhelming desire to self-harm.

There are answers, and it will get better!  Hang in there!  Let us know how we can help.



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« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2014, 10:05:27 AM »

Elbry

I am so sorry your dd is struggling these first few days of school. I am sure her anxiety level must be through the roof. Do you have a 504 for her? She has an emotional disability and needs acommodations to get through the day. You should request a meeting. Get letters from her doctor and T stating she needs help. My dd17 is allowed to go to the counselor at anytime she feels overwhelmed. Sometimes just knowing she has a safe place to go helps with the anxiety. She also has extra time to do assignments and extra time to hend them in. My dd was bullied very badly and we switched schools. Do you think your dd is being bullied? Within our school district they have another high school that is called the success high school. This is for the kids that are struggling. Since your dd has straight A's the admin doesn't see her as needing help. You really need to sit down with them and give them the details so they understand. Ask for help and I hope they will give it. She is required to go to school by law. There has to be an adgency that can help you.

The more your dd refusing the hard it will be to get her there... .is there a way for her to be in in school suspension? Not go to a regular classroom? Teacher come to your home? Elbry there are many options out there... .have a face to face meeting with the school... .that is a good place to start... .know your rights.
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Elbry
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« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2014, 12:38:04 PM »

She is Zoloft 150 mg daily and Buspar 10 mg 3 times daily.  Right now her official diagnosis that everyone is using is mood disorder.  Ones that have been on various paperwork from Hospitalizations, Therapists etc. are Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety and Cluster B Personality Traits. They keep going back and forth on Bi-Polar, they have thought she has it at times, then they rule it out, then they consider it again, then rule it out.  She is very disregulated, moody and explosive right now.  She also refuses to take her meds at times.

I have had many face to face meetings with the school and with the Superintendant.  We have had meetings with her CM and her T in attendance advocating and making recommendations for her.  She does have a 504 in place.  She has a short day- she is done at 1, she is allowed to leave class at any time she is uncomfortable, she eats lunch at a special time in a special place to avoid the lunch room, she is allowed to leave class early to avoid the chaos in the hallways between classes.  There is more too that doesn't come to mind atm.  The only thing the school has not done is allow her to go to Alternative Ed because of her poor attendance.  My DD has been bullied, I have tried to move, and actually am currently house hunting to go back to the town where she grew up.  We moved when she was just finishing up 6 grade and she did ok 7th grade but the problems with school started 8th grade.  We are also getting her a full Neuropsych eval in the hopes of getting better diagnoses.  Mood disorder does not qualify for an IEP, if we can get her an IEP she will be able to go into a special class and go with one teacher to one room and stay there all day with just a few other kids and work on her own work at her own pace. We are just waiting for an appt, she is on a waiting list.  theplotthickens, they do have dual enrollment at her High School with the local community college.  She is not sure what Vocation but she often wants to be a Veterinarian.

We have a follow-up appt with Crisis Stabilization today at 3.  They are coming to the house. 
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« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2014, 04:07:56 PM »

Elbry

it seems she has been given many opportunities to succeed at her school. I am sorry it is still not enough. I hope your meeting goes well. Hang in there... .don't lose hope. She will make it through... .it just might be at a different speed.
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« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2014, 05:02:09 PM »

I hope you get the help you need.

It's not your fault, even though people who haven't lived through it may think so.

I still blame myself for my d's problems, even though I can't pinpoint what o would have done differently.

Maybe if it was pioneer days, and we lived on a farm, and everyone helped or we all starved, things would be better. But life is both harder and easier now, and from what I can tell mood disorders are an epidemic on our area.

There are lots of ways through school, that's what I keep reminding myself.

Good luck, I hope it gets better soon!
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« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2014, 06:35:50 AM »

I have been thinking of you.  How did the Crisis Stabilization meeting go?  

My thought on the meds is that Zoloft can cause irritability and even manic symptoms in some people, especially those with bipolar.  Has a mood stabilizer ever been tried?  Lamictal is a good choice for cutters.  I would ask the doc if he could be open to starting a mood stabilizer that is good for kids who land in the depressive zone, such as Lamictal.  If that doesn't seem to help after a month or so, I would ask for an atypical anti-psych trial to see if that helps.

My daughter is also bipolar and ADHD, and Zoloft made her  much more angry, irritable, and aggressive.  I know responses to meds are so individual; but it sounds like it might be time for a med adjustment.   I'm not sure if there is any history of bipolar in your family; but if there is, my first thought would be to see if your doc would be open the idea of trying a mood stabilizer to see if it helps her regulate.  

I hope that the week-end is uneventful, and that next week is a new week and has some joy and answers in store for you!
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« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2014, 11:58:31 AM »

I ended up taking her in for a Tylenol level because I called the helpline and I was advised to do so.  When they came in to draw her blood, the long sleeves came off, and all the cutting was revealed.  She hasn't cut since her OD in February, 2 days of school and she's cutting.  She has only cut deep twice, but she cuts dozens and dozens of times, even hundreds of times.  And no I am not exaggerating, she ends up looking like she has road rash or something there are so many so close together.  Arms and legs. I asked her what she used and she said she has had a razor hidden for over a year. It does me no good to keep those things locked up.

I'm so sorry you're going through this the very first week!  I know you've done your best to keep razors locked up, but truly, there is nothing you can do to prevent her from cutting.  SHE must eventually take responsibility for it.  My DD uses whatever is handy to cut.  Forks, knives, broken glass from a makeup mirror, safety pins, sewing needles, nail file, even her own fingernails!  Since I've never had any illusion that I could somehow control my DD's cutting, I never even tried.  It's not your fault!  My DD sprained and broke her ankle at a friend's house when she was about 9 or 10.  She said she did it while dancing. Several years later, in therapy, she told me she took a big rock and smashed her ankle because she was upset and frustrated with the friend she was visiting.  I had NO IDEA!  And it's not like I could remove all the rocks in the world.

theplotthickens wrote:

Excerpt
My dd cannot handle a full load of classes - she shuts down.

In retrospect, this was my personal experience too.  My self-esteem was so low back then, I thought I HAD to be perfect, or no one would love me.  (Thank GOD I'm over that!)  My school counselor and T didn't understand WHY I couldn't function at school and they treated me as if I just needed to "get over it and make myself go."  If I could have done that, I would have.  Their advice made me feel worse about myself back then.

I spent half my life dealing with high anxiety because I didn't even know I was anxious. Most of my stress (that's what I thought it was) came from my own internal pressure on myself, but I didn't know that.  Thankfully, I never cut or developed an eating disorder, but I do understand the pain these kids are going through.  I have since learned how to let go of a lot of my internal pressure.  (In college, I even named one of my sculpture projects, "Internal Pressure."   Laugh out loud (click to insert in post))  I can tell you, I got my GED, went to junior college for 3 years, transferred to a 4-year university, dropped out and got married to my ex, got divorced, then went back and finished my BA in art. And I've been happily married for over 19 years now.

Your DD's path to success may not look like all your friends' kids' but she can still get there.  I know it's really heartbreaking right now.  I hope you're able to find a situation that works for everyone.   





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« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2014, 03:02:34 PM »

Yes, what healing spirit said. My d cuts with whatever is handy as well. And my sd17, who as far as I know isn't usually driven to self harm, and is nonBPD was so distraught over a minor fender bender last year that she banged her head into a wall hard enough to give herself a concussion, requiring an er visit.

There is no way to protect them from everything... .even if it doesn't stop us from trying.  
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« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2014, 08:14:12 AM »

Crisis Stabilization went OK.  DD got angry because the lady really challenged her, but I really liked the lady.  I have calls in this morning to her T, med manager and CM.  I am waiting for calls back. 

There is a strong family history of Bi-polar, both me and her dad are diagnosed. I have Bi-polar II and he has Bi-polar I, also her older sister is diagnosed Bi-polar I.  The only mood stabilizer she has been tried on is Abilify briefly.  I am going to ask again about trying something.  They tend to focus on her anxiety but if they lived with her they would see how irritable and how labile her mood is. 

I know she is the only one who can stop her from cutting but how do you deal with all the people looking at the parents to stop her?  By that I mean, I always get questioned "where did she get it"  like it's MY fault.  And I have been investigated by Child Protective Services for not keeping her safe.  I fully expect another report to go out from this incident.  And I ALWAYS get investigated with every report because I am a licensed foster home to my grandson.  I am so very scared they will take my grandson away because they feel that I am not keeping the environment safe enough.  It's so much easier to child proof against a 4 yr old than against a smart, sneaky, manipulative teenager!
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« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2014, 09:24:58 AM »

Elbry,

I encountered the same obstacles when enrolling my own dd in the alternatve school. She was coming from a homeschool situation, so there was no way she was going to get a referral from the  public school, and she was not in good standing either, because she hadn't been a student.

I had  to petition the school and involve her T, it was a lot of work, and I have no idea how your schools work, but I had to fight a hard fight to get her in.

I am really sorry that this happening in your world right now. I wish there were something I could do to help.

Hang in there.

Big Hug to you
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« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2014, 07:54:14 PM »

I know she is the only one who can stop her from cutting but how do you deal with all the people looking at the parents to stop her?  By that I mean, I always get questioned "where did she get it"  like it's MY fault.  And I have been investigated by Child Protective Services for not keeping her safe.  I fully expect another report to go out from this incident.  And I ALWAYS get investigated with every report because I am a licensed foster home to my grandson.  I am so very scared they will take my grandson away because they feel that I am not keeping the environment safe enough.  It's so much easier to child proof against a 4 yr old than against a smart, sneaky, manipulative teenager!

UGH!  Dealing with perceptions that others have about kids' behavior being the parents' fault is one of the worst aspects of this disorder, isn't it?  I wish I knew how to stop that from rankling!  If I did, I'd certainly share it with you and everyone here.  I could NEVER run for public office.  I don't think I'd survive the criticism for things that aren't within my control. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this!  I know how stressful and scary it is to have Social Services on your back.  That's happened to us twice, and both times, the reports were unfounded.  Such a waste of time!

I just hope we can eventually erode the stigma that mental illness carries so we can decrease the amount of judgment about it in the world. (Yes, I'm a dreamer.)

And you're so right about child-proofing! LOL! HOW in the world can we TEEN proof a home?  We keep our guns, booze, pills, and car keys locked up. If our kids aren't safe living without a straight jacket, then we certainly can't be held accountable for keeping them away from anything they could use to self-harm.  Rocks?  Fingernails? Teeth? 

I would hope that Social Services has enough familiarity with BPD to recognize that SOME things are NOT within a  parent's control.  (Again, maybe I'm dreaming.)

Have faith and hang in there!

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« Reply #22 on: August 26, 2014, 07:59:22 AM »

So I spoke with all her providers yesterday.  Her T does not recommend removing her from the home to a RTC right now.  Her med manager agrees.  Several months ago it was the plan if she became unsafe again, but she has had 6 months of safety this time.  Also, she believes that if she talks about safety or any thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation she will be placed in the crisis unit.  Her T believes it is of the utmost importance we somehow convince her this is not true so she will open up a bit and this is a good opportunity to show her that she doesn't always "get sent away". 

Like other people have said, my DD too will cut with whatever, including her own fingernails.  Shall I have those surgically removed?  The first thing her CM said to me about the cutting was "where did she get a razor from".  Does it matter?  When I found out she was breaking pencil sharpeners and taking the tiny blades out of those and using them, I felt so hopeless, it became clear to me that there were things she was going to use that I just wasn't going to think about.   She learned in the hospital to use the end of a tube of toothpaste!

She went to school yesterday and today and did her homework last night, including writing an essay.  So the last couple days have been very good.  It is such a roller coaster!   

Thank-you everyone for your advice and your encouragement. I am so glad I found this place.  it helps so much! 

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« Reply #23 on: August 26, 2014, 08:56:40 AM »

Elbry

I am glad to hear things are some what stable and you have a plan going forward. My dd also didn't want to tell us things out of fear of being sent away. She is very secretive but since it has been about a year and a half since she has been released from RTC she is starting to trust a bit more. I think it is just important to have a safety plan with her so she can tell you when she is not doing well.

Do not pay attention to those asking where she gets the sharp things from. My house is pretty secure but really she can find anything if she really wants. My dd drives and she can stop at a store and buy something so beat yourself up over this.

I hope thi si going to be a good school day. My dd just left for her first day and she is a nervous wreck. I gave her extra anxiety med we use when she is dysregulated to help her get through the day. I don't think they understand how hard it is for her. She was not pleasant to me either but when she left I could tell she regreted it and she told me she loved me.

New school years means taking a big breath and try to remain calm. Hang in there.
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« Reply #24 on: August 27, 2014, 03:43:35 PM »

I agree with the others - you can lock up the obvious items like knives and razors, and it is probably a prudent idea to do that; but in the end, my dd will self-harm if she is dysregulated; she has even used a bra underwire.

If you have a strong history of bipolar, I would probably be a strong advocate for weaning off Zoloft and switching to something else.  It can worsen the strong urge to harm themselves, and trigger mania/irritibility.  

My dd is on a mood stabilizer + atypical antipsych.  Before those meds, my dd contantly had the urge to hurt herself or hurt me.  The right meds can be a God-send for those who have an overwhelming urge to harm, and symptoms of mania and depresson.

This illness is not your fault; it is a genetic thing.  It is so hard to feel like we can't keep our kids safe.  I have been there so many times... .sometimes short-term hospitalization is the best thing for med adjustments.  I wouldn't hesitate to take her to the hospital and get a new set of eyes on the diagnosis and med situation.

I hope you are feeling better and taking some time for yourself.  Please try not to feel guilty about things you can do nothing about - you are doing the best you can with an impossible situation.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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