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Author Topic: what were YOU accused of?  (Read 932 times)
pieceofme
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« Reply #30 on: August 23, 2014, 10:11:57 AM »

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

(After making a negative statement about me that I disagree with)... "why do you always have to argue, just drop it"

YES! after the weekend where i suffered his first rageful attack, he told me living together isn't worth "all the fighting." i said, "i'm not even sure what happened. you started it? and i don't understand why." ... ."STOP ARGUING WITH ME!" geez. i have since tried, "i'm not arguing. i'm just trying to understand how you feel," but that is usually met with, "i don't want to talk about it," then the silent treatment.
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« Reply #31 on: August 23, 2014, 10:13:43 AM »

"You are competing with me! Stop competing! Be a friend"  

Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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pieceofme
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« Reply #32 on: August 23, 2014, 10:14:11 AM »

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.
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willtimeheal
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« Reply #33 on: August 23, 2014, 10:18:52 AM »

I was accused of wanting to be her... .She said to me "stop trying to be me.  You got highlights (always had them), a tattoo, and you got a shirt like mine."  I just looked at her and I think my jaw was in the floor.  I just said... ."You are the last person I would ever want to be."  Then I left.
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #34 on: August 23, 2014, 10:21:25 AM »

Workinprogress  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Aye, I was accused of being gay because a gay guy checked me out once. Then she would go on about me being gay because I didn't want to have sex with her enough. We were on 3 times a day which was what I would call a healthy sex life  Smiling (click to insert in post)

You can't please some folk  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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enlighten me
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« Reply #35 on: August 23, 2014, 10:28:17 AM »

With both my exs I had a thing that I called veiled confessions.

My ex wife once said "It would be nice to leave this life behind and start all over. Maybe meet someone from London and move there" She is now married to the guy she met online from London while we were together and has moved there.

My exgf once said when we where discussing infidelity "what if Id taken that scotish lad back to mine and had him F my brains out just to numb the pain of the miscarriage. Would you be able to forgive that?" I now realise she did do it.

The way they project their faults, lies and infidelities is the same as these veiled confessions.

Its as if they are reaching out to tell us but cant actually face doing it. Im not sure whether some of it is rubbing our noses in it or whether it is a cry for help from a tortured soul that wants to do the right thing but just cant help themselves.
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Caramel
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« Reply #36 on: August 23, 2014, 10:30:38 AM »

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.

WOW! Are you guys serious? 

"I don't need this negativity in my life. That is my deal breaker. Have you noticed that you have brought nothing but negativity and drama to my life? You bring the worst out of me. I'm only given one life and I want to live it happy. That's it. I'm done. Please leave. I don't need this sh... in my life. I deserve better."  
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« Reply #37 on: August 23, 2014, 10:37:34 AM »

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.

You bring the worst out of me.

Bingo!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #38 on: August 23, 2014, 10:46:33 AM »

Oooh I've remembered another one: when I asked to discuss something over email because I was going to be away, he said "No. I know you just like me to put things in writing for evidential purposes".

I had the "you bring out the worst in me" from my (suspected NPD) ex husband. I could only reply that if "the worst" wasn't already in him in the first place, I wouldn't have been able to bring it out.
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Pingo
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« Reply #39 on: August 23, 2014, 10:55:39 AM »

When I ended the r/s I was told I was a 'selfish b__ch and would never be happy', I had given up on him and didn't give him a second chance (and as you all can I'm sure relate, I gave him 800 chances).  During our r/s he was always careful to disguise his accusations... .reading my fb and text messages behind my back was 'because he was curious', not actually accusing me of being untrustworthy.  Or when he found out when I was young I dated a man over 20 years my senior he called him a 'dirty old man' instead of accusing me of what he really thought of me (which I'm still uncertain of but it had to do with my lack of morals apparently).  He would also accuse me of not being affectionate enough (when I was showing him endless affection).
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enlighten me
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« Reply #40 on: August 23, 2014, 10:57:33 AM »

Oooh I've remembered another one: when I asked to discuss something over email because I was going to be away, he said "No. I know you just like me to put things in writing for evidential purposes".

My exgf hated putting anything in writing as she couldn't deny it had been said. I often sent her dates that she denied I had sent and hated when I referred back to them.
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workinprogress
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« Reply #41 on: August 23, 2014, 11:01:23 AM »

Here's one... .

My wife had been on facebook for awhile, and one day I bumped into an old friend who told me that a lot of people I graduated with and moved away were on fb and I should get an account and catch up with everyone.

I was self-medicating with alcohol then and I was drinking that night and decided that I would create a fb account.  I had to create a new email account and decided the hell with it.

Well, my oldest son saw me on the computer and asked what I was doing.  I told him that I was setting up a fb account.

I went to bed and didn't think anymore of it.

Well, the next day my wife starts raging at me.  "Why were you making a fb account?  FB is for me and my friends!  I don't need you stalking me on fb!"

Meanwhile, she snooped through my pockets, wallets, bills, emails and everything for years.   Yet I never questioned her on any of that. 
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #42 on: August 23, 2014, 11:10:57 AM »

Omg this is a fantastic thread! Mine:

"stop talking like you're the victim here" (after going on and on about how much I wronged her)

"I'm the only one that puts any work into the relationship"

"sometimes I hate you"

lots more, but luckily I can't seem to remember them-- they all run together in one vitriolic blur.
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RedDove
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« Reply #43 on: August 23, 2014, 11:24:56 AM »

Not sure these are the "worst", but definitely the ones I won't ever forget!

My ex BPDbf accused me of cheating on him with my ex husband whom I divorced 10+ years ago because he had an affair and cheated on me. Clearly my ex BPDbf was the one cheating!

I was accused of putting "my" feelings ahead of his health. I went to visit him at the hospital after his knee surgery. When I walked into the room I found another woman sitting on the side of his bed stroking his arm and head. Much later I discovered it was his ex gf whom he also worked with, that he was recycling and triangulating with me. He also lied about the date of his knee surgery.

After his surgery he contracted a MRSA infection. He said it was gone after several courses of antiobiotics. Well, the MRSA infection wasn't gone and I contracted it. When I told him, all I got was, "are you sure?", really? like I'd make something like that up! Then I got "sorry to hear" and he disappeared for the entire weekend. Never asked how I was, showed any remorse, apologized or came by to see me.
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pieceofme
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« Reply #44 on: August 23, 2014, 11:31:11 AM »

When I ended the r/s I was told I was a 'selfish b__ch and would never be happy', I had given up on him and didn't give him a second chance (and as you all can I'm sure relate, I gave him 800 chances). 

yes, i got this, too. after i caught him cheating with his ex for the third time, he finally realized that i had enough and went over the top begging for forgiveness and another chance. i listed off all the chances i had already given him and he said, "you have given me a lot of chances, but i wish you could give me one last chance." the begging only last a day, but he said he would never give up, that he would always be trying to get me back. i held my ground and he ended up spending that very night with his ex     the next morning, his excuse was, "well, you said you didn't want me."
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« Reply #45 on: August 23, 2014, 12:38:47 PM »

"You're too nice, you don't criticize me enough"

"You're so cruel to me; You make me feel like a monster"

(as when I told her how to deal with a pregnancy scare for the entire week after she broke up with me and I kept receiving texts at 1am-3am of her 'freaking out'; my mere facial expression when I found out she had sex with some other guy the night before, day off speaking with me for the first time in 6 weeks after NC , which I agreed to only after 2 very long emails form her expressing her undying love for me, that I'm unforgettable, that she was getting help, etc)

"You have no self-confidence, you're meek / you're narcissistic and self centered"

"You're voice is too low, you need to speak up more"

"You're not passionate enough, you don't lift me up and make me better; I always make my partners better"

""You're like a robot, you have too much of a routine"

"You're too sensitive and ignore my constructive criticisms"

"You type and chew too loudly, and you look around too much when you talk"

"You multitask too much"

"You don't care about me"

"You're the crazy one for loving somebody like me"

"You're the female in the relationship (emotionally and physically)"

"You're an American 'wussy' (the worse word)"

"You withhold fun restaurants, places, movies, shows from me"

"You're not handling you're health problems (benign tumors in my leg for which I'm on chemotherapy) in a productive and proactive manner; you should go in to psychotherapy for sick people so you can deal with it better"

(said as I was scheduling appointments in Boston at the Farber Cancer center, and as I stated my inanition to continue to work and go to grad school, which I'm doing now)

"You care too much about what other people think about you and us"

"You don't treat me like a girlfriend in public; you make me self-conscious on campus because you treat me like a girlfriend" (we had to be 'discreet' due to her cultural background)

And on and on and on.

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« Reply #46 on: August 23, 2014, 01:00:25 PM »

"You're the crazy one for loving somebody like me"

The most sensible thing I have ever heard uttered from the mouth of a pwBPD  Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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RisingSun
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« Reply #47 on: August 23, 2014, 07:12:53 PM »



I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work, which

caused her stress and I NEVER supported her in seeking fertility treatment. Of course this isn't the truth.

I didn't force her to work. Although, she literally had a half a million dollar education, why not put it to good use? I actually helped and supported her grow a

very successful business she was passionate about. Never truly got any thanks for that. She would just rage on me about how stressed out she was from

running a thriving and growing business. And, I did support her in fertility treatment but the things I did do to support her were ignored and down played

to suit her argument.

I was accused of not finding her beautiful / attractive enough. There was nothing I could say or do to make her feel any different, at least for very long.

I thought she was gorgeous and loved her body. I never said one thing that could justify these feelings she was having about her self-image.

If I rubbed my eyes while she was getting undressed for bed I would be accused of not being able to look at her body. I can't tell you how many nights I

would get blasted for this. I would be tired, unconsciously rub my eyes (because that's what I do when I'm tired) while she was getting in her nightgown,

and bam, she would give me either the cold treatment or rage on me. She would say "you can't even look at me!". It got so old, I can't even tell you the

frustration this caused me. I loved her body!

I never loved her enough while having sex. She would just stop right in the middle of making love and accuse me of using her to get off. Granted I married

this woman because I loved her. I was an extremely giving and connected lover when allowed to be. I never had an issue with being in a place of love while

having sex with her. I don't think she could receive the kind of love she claimed I didn't possess. It was her way of telling me she couldn't find a loving

space to connect with me while making love. But it was always my fault, I couldn't connect. The times I felt she did connect was when she was really

horny. Now who's only concerned with getting off? Crazy making at it's finest.

There's a lot of other things I was accused of but I'll leave it at this. 




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Grace58
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« Reply #48 on: August 24, 2014, 11:01:37 AM »

I was accused of many things but the best one was telling others "she broke into my house and stole money from the replacement" when I was on another continent.  When the other person informed her that I was not even in the country, she said "how can you be sure of that? She is lying to you."

I am certain my ex herself took the replacement's money and was making a cover story.  Oops.
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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« Reply #49 on: August 24, 2014, 12:08:51 PM »

Mine would accuse me of pushing her away.  This was for going hiking on days she refused to see me for whatever reason.  I never could see any logic in that.  I guess she wanted me to stay put in the waiting room in case her other plans fell through. What the heck... .
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workinprogress
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« Reply #50 on: August 24, 2014, 12:37:06 PM »

Wow, I remember another one!  I'm going out of town again and this flashed into my mind.

I was leaving on a business trip a few years ago.  I remember packing my bags and seeing a small tube traveling sized toothpaste in my bag and I just figured it was left over from a previous trip.  I didn't think anything of it.

Then, I got back from the trip.  My wife looked in my bag and saw the tube of toothpaste.  She demanded to know where it came from.  I told her that I thought it was in the bag when I left.  She adamantly said it wasn't.  She was very angry about it.

And she was the one who said that I would stalk her on facebook.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #51 on: August 24, 2014, 01:14:38 PM »

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work

and the award for the most ridiculous accusation ever has to go to this guy  Smiling (click to insert in post)  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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enlighten me
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« Reply #52 on: August 24, 2014, 01:34:18 PM »

I first met my exgf in 1988 and we dated for 3 summers before we split up.

About a year into my recent relationship with her she accused me of getting back together with her so I could hurt her and have my revenge on her. I never understood this as she was the one that contacted me and initiated the relationship.

I now realise that with projection this may have been her motivation as she said I was one of only two men who had ever dumped her. Well now Im one of only one that has dumped her twice  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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RisingSun
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« Reply #53 on: August 24, 2014, 02:55:51 PM »

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work

and the award for the most ridiculous accusation ever has to go to this guy  Smiling (click to insert in post)  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Tell me about it... .  I never lived that one down. It was an ongoing circular argument that lasted for years. There was nothing I could do to make her change

her perspective. It was such a sensitive subject, I was afraid to pass babies on the street. They were like black cats.
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hergestridge
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« Reply #54 on: August 24, 2014, 04:17:45 PM »

Oddly my xwife was not big on the accusations. She was often very confrontative but most of the time she made up an issue that she could pick a fight about.

She did accuse of being greedy and ungenerous. She was of the opnion that "your things are my things". If i asked her not to borrow something from me or not please not eat something I had bought for myself, she sometimes did it anyway. And when I caught her with her pants down so to speak, she sorts of blamed me for causing the whole situation with my "greediness".

I had made feel shame, and I had to be punished!

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid. I let them lie because I refused to pick up after another adult. Now she's gone.

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RisingSun
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« Reply #55 on: August 24, 2014, 05:16:58 PM »

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid.

That's narc entitlement. She shouldn't have to pick up after herself! Not when someone else is around to do it for her.

And for me, if I didn't pick up after her, I'm accused of being selfish and not sharing responsibilities.
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martymcfly5

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« Reply #56 on: August 24, 2014, 05:36:53 PM »

The list of what I WASN'T accused of is much shorter.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Infared
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« Reply #57 on: August 24, 2014, 06:00:49 PM »

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid.

That's narc entitlement. She shouldn't have to pick up after herself! Not when someone else is around to do it for her.

And for me, if I didn't pick up after her, I'm accused of being selfish and not sharing responsibilities.

LOL! ... I forgot about that stuff... .YES I kept the house in order, the yard, did all the cooking, ALL the laundry... .and I never minded... .I just liked being in a relationship and pitching in... She vacuumed... .that was it... .so I NEVER did.  Guess what she said to me like a little spoiled 8-yr. old when she ran off with her new supply... ."... .and you always made me do all the vacuuming!" LOL! Thanks for reminding me of that... .as I remember... .It was such an absurdly self-centered thing to say... .I just didn't even respond... .I was starting to see who this person ACTUALLY was.  I like coming hereto be reminded of that.
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« Reply #58 on: August 24, 2014, 06:28:09 PM »

LOL! ... I forgot about that stuff... .YES I kept the house in order, the yard, did all the cooking, ALL the laundry... .and I never minded... .I just liked being in a relationship and pitching in... She vacuumed... .that was it... .so I NEVER did.  Guess what she said to me like a little spoiled 8-yr. old when she ran off with her new supply... ."... .and you always made me do all the vacuuming!" LOL! Thanks for reminding me of that... .as I remember... .It was such an absurdly self-centered thing to say... .I just didn't even respond... .I was starting to see who this person ACTUALLY was.  I like coming hereto be reminded of that.

Wow! It sounds like we lived a similar existence. Although, I wouldn't do her laundry, and I never heard the end of it. All she thought she had to do

was work, nothing else. And I got attacked for that as well. It was my fault she had a successful business. I took care of the houses and day to

day responsibilities, as well as run my own business.

I was accused of living off of her. Her justification for taking this stance, I lived rent free (!) because she owned our houses outright, we didn't have a mortgage and

she made more than me. I've never heard of a husband paying rent to his wife  And, it's not a crime for your wife to make more than her husband, especially

if he's pulling his weight in sweat equity. Like building her a cabin for instance.

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« Reply #59 on: August 25, 2014, 03:32:04 AM »

Projection yes. And there's quite a few examples.

Mine snored quite badly so I would nudge him to change position. This was met with anger and blame. I was the one with the problem - his snoring should not bother me and I was in fact keeping him awake by trying to move him. Why should HE lose sleep as it was MY problem ! On one occasion I was told to ___ off. I therefore either went into another bed (at mine) or the couch (at his). I mentioned this infront of family members (pre-knowledge of BPD) and it seriously triggered him.

The next couple of nights were hell as the snoring definitey became worse. I was told that 'it was infact me snoring and that I was waking myself up doing so'. I told him that 'no-one had ever mentioned I snored and neither had I ever woken myself up snoring... .funny that it should only happen with him'.

On the second night it was really bad and he kept telling me 'it's you'. About 3:00am I had lost patience and shot bolt upright in bed... .Guess what? He was wide awake and snoring in my ear. I stared into black souless eyes and realised what he was doing. It was at the point that I realised I could never sleep in the same bed, room; even house as this individual.

I got up without saying a word and went into the spare room. Didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night and finished it the following morning. This being the first time I had ended things.

Here's the thing... .The intent behind it. It was a cosidered action on his part - was it not? An action undertaken in order to convince me I snored in order to alleviate his guilt? One big head ___ basically.

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