Can I handle this?

[Satori68]

Since being with boyfriend I live everyday moment to moment. How my day goes depends upon his mood. His emotions don't just control him. They control me too.

In the beginning I used to be excited to get off work and get home to him. Now when my work day comes to an end I feel hesitant. I never know which one of him I'm going home to. Will it be the controlling tyrant that criticizes me for the house not being clean, tells me not to wear a certain article of clothing because it's too revealing and rages about any small thing out of place. Will it be the cold and distant person that makes me feel rejected and unloved who sits in front of the tv all night and is pleased by nothing. Or will it be the sweet, and almost childishly amusing man that I love so much.

Today at work I had to stay late. This happens from time to time. Every minute that passed the end of my shift my heart started sinking. I knew that It wouldn't be a happy out come. When I came home he was brooding and distant. Anything I said seemed to frustrate him. My silence frustrates him. There is no turning this around. I could bend backwards for him and he wouldn't be satisfied if I broke my spine.

I think this is the worst part. The stress of knowing that there's nothing I can do and the rejection that I feel.

Is there something I can do to turn this kind of behavior around? is it best to ignore? When I try to tell him how I feel about it he somehow twists it around to everything being my fault and we end up fighting.

I'm a sensitive person and this rollercoaster has me falling apart

How can I better cope with this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

The only way to make things better for you is to put the focus on you instead of on him.  Unfortunately, that's much easier said that done.  Control what you can control, and leave the rest up to him.  His moods, you can't control.  When you try and control his moods by altering your behavior, that's called "walking on eggshells", and eventually that will fail in a miserable heap of stress. 

You eventually have to come to a point where you accept he is moody and there is nothing you can do about that and not much you can do to prevent it (bad moods will happen and 99% of the time you have nothing to do with it).  You protect yourself from being affected by his bad moods through boundaries.  When he is raging, validate that he is upset, and then don't engage.  Find something else to do. When he is distant, ask him if there is anything you can do for him, and if he says no, go find something else to do.  If you come home late from work, "sorry honey, I know you like to see me in the evenings and I know it stinks to be home alone, but sometimes I have to work late, and there is nothing I can do about that."  And if he wants to carry on about it, don't defend or explain yourself further.  Tell him you already discussed it.  If he wants to continue, leave the room.

Again, the key thing that takes a while to learn is that you aren't causing his bad moods, you can't control them, and you can't cure them.  That's up to him.