ie... she is complaining about somebody for 30 minutes. i just start saying "yes, I understand that" It has gone too far and I do not want to fuel this anymore... or they are trap statements which a response could make things worse. Now the other night, I was just plain tired so it is possible i slipped asleep for a few seconds. I know a few seconds because of time on clock as I watch it.
This is my point and one that I missed. Yes she is complaining about someone but why. She says for instance "they always look down on me at work" What she probably means is that they make her feel insecure.
Its not about what someone did with a BPD its about how it made the BPD feel.
This is the same argument. She hates our neighbors. I have listened and they are pushy and I have acknowledged and validated that. I have tried calling code on them, I have confronted them about their kid, I have had them reimburse us $800 for their kid putting a scratch on her car, I have called the postal service on them. All for her. They honestly do not bother me. Every day its how they are doing this, or they are doing that. She gets mad at me cause they get a new car. She wants bad things to happen to them it seems. I validate that it feels bad for them to live life how they want and be pushy but never have anything bad happen to them while we struggle on 6 figures and do everything right. (now I do not mention the fact that she is not doing everything right... ie... in past 6 months, gotten a dwi, demanded i fly her home from Europe for $2500 ticket cause she was mad at her sister, rack up $20k on credit cards, wrecked her car drunk on another occasion besides dwi, working part time when she graduated college back in December)
It then leads to how... I need to make more money... Now I make 6 figures, and she just got a job for 10 hours a week for $10 an hour which will not even cover her monthly student loans. her personal bills from dwi, medical, spending, cell phone is about half our monthly income... nevermind taxes, mortgage, etc.
She wants me to alienate my family because she feels they are not there for her. Now my family is trying to help her with her art... .basically i could go on and on
Everything she is mad about is about transferring her anger at herself onto being my fault, her jealously of others and my fault, and her anger at her family at my family. A total inability to accept her responsibilties of her part as to where she is in life, accept any good in life, and accept that people are not all good nor all bad. She fails to see that she has alienated her own family (which is fine cause they are mean to her), has my family confused, has no friends but a narcisstic personaly disorder person who they argue with each other all the time and another nice girl, but a villian when she tends to herself. She fails to see that her psychologist says she is emotionally/verbally abusive, even if she is no longer physically abusive.
I hear the feelings she says... but she says I do not listen it is because she is talking at midnight when I have to work in the morning about Kim Kardashian memes, and I do not give a laugh satisfactory to her, I do not feel it is fair to then accuse me of not listening because if I listened I would find it hilarious
or...
maybe I am the one ___ed up. That is possible...