Sometimes I wonder if it's worth this much pain.

[misuniadziubek]

My uBPDbf is angry because I went to my cousins bachelorette party instead of spending 3 days with him. He says he can't handle the disappointment anymore and that he is no longer going to go with me to the wedding because by just simply doesn't even want to see me.

I spent 2 days with him. I prolonged my drive over 2 hours to enable me to spend time with him before I left to another state for bachelorette party.

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[formflier]

My uBPDbf is angry because I went to my cousins bachelorette party instead of spending 3 days with him. He says he can't handle the disappointment anymore and that he is no longer going to go with me to the wedding because by just simply doesn't even want to see me.

I spent 2 days with him. I prolonged my drive over 2 hours to enable me to spend time with him before I left to another state for bachelorette party.

Misuniadziubek,

Can you tell us all more about how this conversation went.  Maybe a little he said this and then I said this.

Also if you can reference the lessons and tools when you describe how you responded to him and if his responses back where what you were expecting. 

Anyone else have similar experiences of working through similar issues successfully.

[misuniadziubek]

hours of peace after this conversation. Genuinely just rented to have at least a full day with him, since only see him once a week.

Left Saturday, somewhat sleep deprived cause I'd kept him company at his night shift at a convenience store from 4am yo 8am. The drive was exhausting. I had a lot of fun, but passed out by midnight due to exhaustion. He then complains... .So I guess you're not coming back to spend Sunday with me. I live three hours away from my cousin in Michigan. The idea of waking up at 8 to drive another 4.5 hours to spend about 7 more hours with him since Monday I work... .Makes me tired.

He went off on me about this. Kept me up until 4:30'am. Avoiding to him I shouldn't have gone to the bachelorette party because too last minute plans and I let people roll over my plans all the time, so I have made it okay to do that last minute. I responded that this party was important to me since I'm a bridesmaid and that it meant a lot to my cousin.

He told me that at this point, he sees I haven't changed my ways at all, and that I've pushed him to become numb and indifferent towards me with the constant disappointment this weekend. That eventually I will push him to stop caring completely and I'll end up like his ex-gf J who was so useless and stupid according to him, that he stopped wanting to be with her after 5 months of being together. We've been together almost a year. He tells me that since I'm not around during the week, he craves affection and has started to find it in other people. He goes to college during week. He says he hangs out with a girl R during lunch and that she makes him laugh. That she is filling the void from me not being around.

I told him he's right about me lettingb people roll over my plans.(mostly him and his guilt trips). I try to validate his concerns but he sees it as an attempted manipulation and tells me I don't need to repeat his thoughts to him. I think I was too tired to do it properly.

[misuniadziubek]

I came up Thursday night. (He lives 2 hours away across border) He was very happy to see me, because usually am up there on Fridays and I was on time, when I had said I'd be. I proceeded to insert into the conversation that I had found out the day before ( it had actually been two days before but knowing how he reacts to this, I put off telling him) that my cousins bachelorette party was moved up a week, so would have to leave him on Saturday noon, instead if Sunday. Cousin lives in Michigan, uBPDbf lives in upstate New York, so 4.5 hour drive twice across Canadian border. He told me there and then that he knew there had to be strings attached if I had come up a day early and that I lied to him. That I shouldn't have bothered coming up period, cause now he's just disappointed and angry because he had made many plans of things we could do together and I'd seriously disappointed him. Had a whole 24 hours of peace after this conversation. Genuinely just wanted to have at least a full day with him, since only see him once a week.

Beginning to my previous reply :/

[waverider]

At the end of the day his disappointment is his problem, you have gone out of your way for him.

If he makes you miserable like this and as a consequence that next time you do not put yourself out as much, what would he do?

Does he regularly dump guilt on you like this, and has it worked for him the past?

You are not obliged to do anything, this it is your choice

[formflier]

He went off on me about this. Kept me up until 4:30'am. 

Ouch... .did I read that right... .several hours of "going off on you about this?"

Anyone have any ideas what tools might have helped nip this in the bud after 5 or 10 minutes?