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maxsterling
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« Reply #32 on: September 22, 2014, 01:32:28 PM » |
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I was going to type more of the details of what went down. But really you could pick any thread on this forum no matter who authored it and it's pretty much what happened. Projection, blame, abuse. And it of course happened when we were out, when we were in the car, no easy chance to get away from it. When it started in the restaurant, I immediately got us to go boxes and drove home. And I had to endure the 20 minute car ride of her just claiming stuff about me that easily describe her: That I have no personality and only mirror her That I can't have a conversation with her and she has to initiate everything (despite my dozen attempts that day where she didn't respond or responded negatively due to her own dissociative behavior). That I am emotionally immature
I did manage to get out of the house later to watch football. I really needed that. But that was only after she practically kicked me out of the house. I wanted to get out, but due to her behavior I didn't want to go too far, fearing her safety and the safety of our pets. So I stayed in the living room while she stayed in the bedroom with the door closed. That was just enough space to be out of the chaos. She came out half an hour later and basically told me to leave (I think she wanted to watch TV). So, I left for a few hours. Later she texted me to ask where I was, I told her, she then asked if I was with a woman . Classic push/pull. Spend the afternoon berating me saying telling me her life with me is hell and how this isn't going to work out, to a few hours later worried that I am with another woman. Of course, she was a little nasty to me when I got home. We watched some TV, and actually slept in the same bed, and at one point she wanted me to hold her, and did kinda/sorta apologize. Of course she was distant and testy again this morning. At least I am at work now, and can use this space to wind down on my own.
So what's really going on with her? Well, this job situation. I don't know of a single person that wouldn't crumble under what she is going through there. Add the BPD lack of identity, and everything ties together - her identity and our relationship and the reason she lives here is all tied in with her job. And it all ties into the shame and humiliation and of course she needs an outlet. Another factor is that I think she has reached out to friends who have not been available for her. I'm not sure what the deal is there, but I know she is in a much better mood when she is spending time with friends. I see this as either her friends having their own lives and issues, and she not understanding that, or that the friends are intentionally keeping their distance knowing how draining such a negative person can be.
I'm really hoping she gets some kind of news on this job today because I know the waiting game is killing her. It's killing me, too, because I feel like if she is feeling so much stress over that, it will be impossible to work on any kind of relationship issues in a meaningful way. I'm kinda bracing myself, though, because should she be let go from this job, I think hospitalization is extremely likely, and the end of the r/s is almost inevitable. She will completely fall apart.
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