Day time or Night time... Does it matter ?

[In Pain]

Does the time of day effect a borderline as far as them doing their destructive dance ?

Are they more irritable at night after a long day ?

Or is it triggers, not the time ?

I suppose each person is different.

Thx

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[dog_star]

not in my experience. I think the more stress my BPD wife is under the more likely things are to go bad. but time of day in my situation does not seem to play a role.

[enlighten me]

For me it was mornings. I used to await my morning telling off which would then set the mood for the day.

[flowerpath]

It's fairly predictable that on a day that he is off of work, my husband will say something he thinks will upset me or will attempt to pick a fight right before he leaves the house to go to the store, run an errand, etc.  He will quickly get in an accusatory jab, storm out, and slam the door behind him.  If I know he's planning to go somewhere, I am prepared, but if I don't know he's planning to leave the house, I am sometimes caught off guard.  Like today.    

It’s hard to always have my thought processes armed with appropriate strategies.

[gentquality]

not in my experience. I think the more stress my BPD wife is under the more likely things are to go bad. but time of day in my situation does not seem to play a role.

I realize this also.  These "episodes" tend to happen when there's alot of stress at work or home. 

[Hope26]

I'd agree with others here that it is the perceived stress they are under that determines when they dysregulate, not so much time of day or night.  And their tolerance for stress is way low.

Other than that, weekends and vacations are more apt to be trigger times just because we are around each other more.  I think it is best to have separate hobbies and activities to engage in some of the time.  I am going to aim for that more so when I retire.

[ColdEthyl]

It has to do with stress, or perceived stress. Most of the nit-picking happens when he's stressed out about something unrelated, and for me most of it happens at night. I think this is because 1. I am home from work. 2. He puts on a nice face around my children, so his dysregulation is usually behind closed doors. 3. He's been stewing all day in whatever catastrophe has happened, and erupts later.

What sucks about it is that I will lose hours of sleep talking to him about things. I COULD tell him I'm going to sleep, and we will discuss it more, put up boundaries but the honest truth is once there's an issue, I'm not going to sleep anyway until it's resolved.

[maxsterling]

She's always in a sour mood in the morning.  I think she often has bad dreams, doesn't sleep well (sleep apnea), and has abandonment issues when I get out of bed.  She also seems to drag about going to work.  Usually, no major snapping at me on weekday mornings.  Things settle themselves while I am at work.  And when she comes home, it's complaints she is tired, a few jabs at me, and then okay until just before bed.

Weekends are another story.  If I have an agenda to get things done that does not include her, hell breaks loose sometime Saturday late morning or afternoon.  In fact, she wants to try and schedule a couples T appointment this Saturday in anticipation of her weekend rage!

[Climbmountains91]

I would say my ex BPDbf is more at night because he drinks heavily every single night in his words "to get rid of the pain". He was fine in the mornings just hung over !