Should I email her inform about BPD traits , (I am anyway finished with her)

[borderdude]

We are anyway finished , I will never go further with her:

Those are:

Self hurt

two personalities

Extreme abandonment fear

Controlling behavior

+++

An that these will make her repeat the relationship mistake in the fufture if ahw do not take some responsibility. She is lacking total self respect.

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[Algae]

We are anyway finished , I will never go further with her:

Those are:

Self hurt

two personalities

Extreme abandonment fear

Controlling behavior

+++

An that these will make her repeat the relationship mistake in the fufture if ahw do not take some responsibility. She is lacking total self respect.

I actually asked this same question to my life coach/nutritionist... who is a licensed psychologist and counselor.

She said to me, not to because it would only paint me black (it would make her feel ___ed up and depressed), and it wouldnt matter anyway because she'd deny it/suppress it/or ignore it and continue her life since you just walked out on her.  She'd have NO reason to take what you said to heart since you just left.

And if youre finished with her... then why would it matter to you if she knew this stuff?  If it's because you want her to get help... then how about actually getting her help and supporting her, but sitting down and telling her you care for her and that you think she could use some help, while telling her that you don't feel comfortable in a relationship.  Keeping her stable is the only way to get her help.  :)ropping this bomb on her and telling her shes fked up and walking out will only make her even more upset.

But if youre going to walk out, then just don't even bother telling her.  Basically... If youre going to tell her, then be there to help.  If youre not going to be there to help, then why put her through that depression of her thinking shes messed up.  She won't go get help if someone who hurt her just says "Youre messed up and this and that blah blah blah".  Because for 1... youre not a licensed doctor.  The only way to know is if she goes and gets evaluated. 

[borderdude]

Was thinking of delaying this , so she did not remember, due to object consistency. i already told her early on she was a little girl , afraid of being abandoned. She replied positive towards it, and said I was the only one vewing her like this. I said this early on before i knew about BPD, using my empathic skills.

[maxsterling]

If you do email her anything that suggest she has major issues, IMMEDIATELY block her address and phone number so that you won't have to read her angry and hateful response.  Such a response is almost guaranteed.  I had a uBPD/NPD GF a few years back that after I broke up sent info on how to help herself with her addiction issues.  The funny thing was, every other email I sent would take days for her to respond, this one she responded in 5 minutes. 

BTW, if you hope you can give her the into and she seeks treatment - it won't happen.  She will label you as crazy or controlling, and move on. 

[borderdude]

If you do email her anything that suggest she has major issues, IMMEDIATELY block her address and phone number so that you won't have to read her angry and hateful response.  Such a response is almost guaranteed.  I had a uBPD/NPD GF a few years back that after I broke up sent info on how to help herself with her addiction issues.  The funny thing was, every other email I sent would take days for her to respond, this one she responded in 5 minutes. 

BTW, if you hope you can give her the into and she seeks treatment - it won't happen.  She will label you as crazy or controlling, and move on. 

I actually broke up with her , she did not contact me on fb nor any other media. She only almost run me over tried to get my attention when she saw me outside. But no hate , only seemed hurt.

Later on she painted me black , and looked a little hateful towards me, she then had a backup guy ready warmed, but no anger and hate.

[Algae]

Honestly... that seems a little mean to just go to someone and go, "YOURE CRAZY AND YOU HAVE THIS DISABILITY AND MENTAL DISORDER.  OKAY BYE FOREVER".  :/  How do you think she'd feel after reading that?

And it doesnt benefit you at all since youre done with her anyway, so why hurt her just for revenge becasue she hurt you unintentionally?  I say unintentionally because it IS a mental disorder.

I think if you truly want to move on... you should just move on and not initiate anything.  just my 2 cents.

[borderdude]

I do NOT care if she hate me , if I can wake her up , and get her focused on the fact she is REPEATING the old record.

[borderdude]

Honestly... that seems a little mean to just go to someone and go, "YOURE CRAZY AND YOU HAVE THIS DISABILITY AND MENTAL DISORDER.  OKAY BYE FOREVER".  :/  How do you think she'd feel after reading that?

And it doesnt benefit you at all since youre done with her anyway, so why hurt her just for revenge becasue she hurt you unintentionally?  I say unintentionally because it IS a mental disorder.

I think if you truly want to move on... you should just move on and not initiate anything.  just my 2 cents.

I was going to tell her gently that , among other traits , her fair of being abandoned will somewhat scare her loved ones away , and she must start working with this , if that is not going to repeat forever .

[Algae]

I do NOT care if she hate me , if I can wake her up , and get her focused on the fact she is REPEATING the old record.

But thats the thing.  It WONT wake her up.  She'll see it as you being rude and mean and just calling her names.  She'll be hurt, and if shes a self harmer she could even do that.  Calling someone crazy doesnt automatically mean theyre going to get help.  I call people crazy everyday!

She WONT wake up from it because youre not there to show her that she she really needs help and can get better and support her.  Youre just basically saying, "crazy b___, Bye!"  You think she's going to get help just because you said she has BPD and made her mad?  I don't mean to sound rude so if I sound rude, please forgive me.

If you just tell her all these facts... she's just going to ignore them because you left her... and she's just going to continue on her path.

[borderdude]

I do NOT care if she hate me , if I can wake her up , and get her focused on the fact she is REPEATING the old record.

But thats the thing.  It WONT wake her up.  She'll see it as you being rude and mean and just calling her names.  She'll be hurt, and if shes a self harmer she could even do that.  Calling someone crazy doesnt automatically mean theyre going to get help.  I call people crazy everyday!

She WONT wake up from it because youre not there to show her that she she really needs help and can get better and support her.  Youre just basically saying, "crazy b___, Bye!"  You think she's going to get help just because you said she has BPD and made her mad?  I don't mean to sound rude so if I sound rude, please forgive me.

If you just tell her all these facts... she's just going to ignore them because you left her... and she's just going to continue on her path.

I think it will be unwise to mention any disorders. But I can mention her behavior and reply what kind of effects this will have on people closest to her, urge her to start working with it.

Off course she can feel judged ... .well not shure, anyway if she paints me black again , I do not care.

[borderdude]

We are anyway finished , I will never go further with her:

Those are:

Self hurt

two personalities

Extreme abandonment fear

Controlling behavior

+++

An that these will make her repeat the relationship mistake in the fufture if ahw do not take some responsibility. She is lacking total self respect.

I actually asked this same question to my life coach/nutritionist... who is a licensed psychologist and counselor.

She said to me, not to because it would only paint me black (it would make her feel ___ed up and depressed), and it wouldnt matter anyway because she'd deny it/suppress it/or ignore it and continue her life since you just walked out on her.  She'd have NO reason to take what you said to heart since you just left.

And if youre finished with her... then why would it matter to you if she knew this stuff?  If it's because you want her to get help... then how about actually getting her help and supporting her, but sitting down and telling her you care for her and that you think she could use some help, while telling her that you don't feel comfortable in a relationship.  Keeping her stable is the only way to get her help.  :)ropping this bomb on her and telling her shes fked up and walking out will only make her even more upset.

But if youre going to walk out, then just don't even bother telling her.  Basically... If youre going to tell her, then be there to help.  If youre not going to be there to help, then why put her through that depression of her thinking shes messed up.  She won't go get help if someone who hurt her just says "Youre messed up and this and that blah blah blah".  Because for 1... youre not a licensed doctor.  The only way to know is if she goes and gets evaluated. 

Yes it will be no sense to just send her a mail, but rather "tell" by actions , and showing in a caring way.

I though she maybe had forgot who I was when she read it , she is strongly missing obj.cons, as she had to look me up on her phone to get me into her world , before we met.