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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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antjs
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« on: September 20, 2014, 05:43:52 AM »

Its the hardest thing in my life yet. The pain is overwhelming. I am really bored of the pain right now. Six months out and still i am here. Bpds (and i am not demonizing them) feel to me like emotional prostitutes. They hop from a supply to the next and every time they are offering their full emotions and vulnerability at the start. They do not offer only their bodies as prostitutes but also their intense romantic emotions. Who would not fall for that ? Heck some people are addicted to prostitutes who just offer their body. Before breaking up i realized that there is something terrible with her. I reacted as if i am dealing with a sociopath. Later i found about BPD and my therapist confirmed it. But really think of it how do they differ from sociopaths ? Because of their fear of abandonment ? And this fear is an excuse for their sociopathic behaviour ? I really cant find difference between a BPD and aspd. They both do the same things to people yet we try to empathize and grant them the excuse because of their childhood trauma. Well some of us are codependents too but we dont act in an insane way to get back our dependency supply at any cost even if we know we are hurting others. Life deals us a set of cards and we are responsible about how to play with it. Even BPD people should be held accountable for their dociopathic behaviour. The pain is overwhelming. I am shocked to still feel so after 6 months.
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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2014, 06:19:52 AM »

Antony

The BPD is a person corrupted by the world. They have an overwhelming body of pain inside. The sociopath is born that way they don't have a wounded inner child.

Everyone has a wounded inner child besides sociopaths. The thing is normal people everyday display levels of culturally conditioned sociopathy so they can avoid feeling their inner pain. It's just in society we like to pick a group to be the bad guy. This is because the bad guy is dehumanized so therefore it is justified in our minds.  When a human becomes less than human we are able to justify a lack of compassion and bad behavior becomes excusable. Dehumanizations of other humans has led to the greatest atrocities in history.

It is caused by corruption and cultural conditions.

In my relationship with my ex I felt dehumanized by her and actions were sociopathic.  A lack of compassion. Corrupted by forces beyond her control. We have all been corrupted and it is the self rightiour person ignorant of this that has the greatest capacity for sociopathy justified by a currupt culturally conditioned belief.

The antidote to all of this is compassion. Let compassion be your guide to freedom and forgiveness through the pain. Compassion without limits. The limit on ones compassion is the point at which one has been corrupted by the material plane of society and mind.

Should pwBPD be held accountable for their actions? Absolutely.

Raz al guhl"Compassion is a virtue your enemies will not share"

Bruce Wayne "that's why it's so important"

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antjs
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« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2014, 06:44:15 AM »

Antony

The BPD is a person corrupted by the world. They have an overwhelming body of pain inside. The sociopath is born that way they don't have a wounded inner child.

Everyone has a wounded inner child besides sociopaths. The thing is normal people everyday display levels of culturally conditioned sociopathy so they can avoid feeling their inner pain. It's just in society we like to pick a group to be the bad guy. This is because the bad guy is dehumanized so therefore it is justified in our minds.  When a human becomes less than human we are able to justify a lack of compassion and bad behavior becomes excusable. Dehumanizations of other humans has led to the greatest atrocities in history.

It is caused by corruption and cultural conditions.

In my relationship with my ex I felt dehumanized by her and actions were sociopathic.  A lack of compassion. Corrupted by forces beyond her control. We have all been corrupted and it is the self rightiour person ignorant of this that has the greatest capacity for sociopathy justified by a currupt culturally conditioned belief.

The antidote to all of this is compassion. Let compassion be your guide to freedom and forgiveness through the pain. Compassion without limits. The limit on ones compassion is the point at which one has been corrupted by the material plane of society and mind.

Should pwBPD be held accountable for their actions? Absolutely.

Raz al guhl"Compassion is a virtue your enemies will not share"

Bruce Wayne "that's why it's so important"

See you are still talking about their wounded inner child. I want to talk about what we havd perecieved rather than the reasons behind their doings. The question is what has happened to you during the relationship, will it be different if you have been involved with a sociopath ? I dont think so
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freedom33
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« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2014, 07:13:25 AM »

it is the self rightiour person ignorant of this that has the greatest capacity for sociopathy justified by a currupt culturally conditioned belief.

Excellent
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« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2014, 07:14:26 AM »

I wouldn't bond to a sociopath like i did my ex. So yes.

There is something authentic about the borderline that I bonded so deeply too. I bonded to the inner child of my ex.
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« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2014, 07:25:42 AM »

it is the self rightiour person ignorant of this that has the greatest capacity for sociopathy justified by a currupt culturally conditioned belief.

Excellent

I want to expand on this. The borderline is very succeptible to peer pressure. So when she hangs out with people that are self rightious she picks up on their cues on how to act and basically screws things up. The borderline is a mirror of society and feels all of the pain people hide from. So she seeks out people to attach to and identify with to hide from her pain. She is a victim of society. The other sad part is the people closest to her she reveals her secret too which is how much pain she is in. What is the source of her pain though?  Trace the source and the sources source and so on and so forth and there is where we will find the evil.
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freedom33
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« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2014, 07:31:15 AM »

There is something authentic about the borderline that I bonded so deeply too. I bonded to the inner child of my ex.

That was not the case for me. I am not sure she had an inner child other than doing anything that is needed to get validation and approval. The mirroring that went on in the rs reminded me of the early days of my inner child from craddle --> 4-5 years old. If one has not been mirrored suffifiently and there was lack of emotion in the family then there is a core wound.

Through her mirroring, I connected with my inner child that was wounded and dormant. I showed her my inner child - I have never done this before. She made me feel comfortable, she made me trust her. In effect I felt good with myself. I showed that inner child and it was accepted and loved (for a while). I bonded with that part of me. What was she getting out of this? Well she borrowed some of my inner world and child to build hers - she doesn't have a core - she lived through me. It is not that she is damaged like I am. Her state is more close to nothingness - that one does not exist. Her biggest wish was to be seen! When I started coming back to reality and slowly removing my own inner child from the merging her core started emptying, she panicked and started punishing/pushing away.
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« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2014, 07:44:31 AM »

There is something authentic about the borderline that I bonded so deeply too. I bonded to the inner child of my ex.

That was not the case for me. I am not sure she had an inner child other than doing anything that is needed to get validation and approval. The mirroring that went on in the rs reminded me of the early days of my inner child from craddle --> 4-5 years old. If one has not been mirrored suffifiently and there was lack of emotion in the family then there is a core wound.

Through her mirroring, I connected with my inner child that was wounded and dormant. I showed her my inner child - I have never done this before. She made me feel comfortable, she made me trust her. In effect I felt good with myself. I showed that inner child and it was accepted and loved (for a while). I bonded with that part of me. What was she getting out of this? Well she borrowed some of my inner world and child to build hers - she doesn't have a core - she lived through me. It is not that she is damaged like I am. Her state is more close to nothingness - that one does not exist. Her biggest wish was to be seen! When I started coming back to reality and slowly removing my own inner child from the merging her core started emptying, she panicked and started punishing/pushing away.

They are not empty they just don't see themselves. They are so wounded that the only joy they feel is by giving themselves away and being approved of. It is heartbreaking really. Their inner child's "natural" state is one of incomprehensible terror.  Dread pure dread. 
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« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2014, 07:51:41 AM »

I wouldn't bond to a sociopath like i did my ex. So yes.

There is something authentic about the borderline that I bonded so deeply too. I bonded to the inner child of my ex.

+1 I too fell for her inner child rather than her beauty and sexy body.  Talk about the rescuing personality of us, Co-Dependants. :D

AJ, Sociopaths don't have unstable moods and show impulsive behaviour and be Promiscuous.

I can especially relate so-much to your story because my RS also evolved and ended like yours. You said you're bored of the pain right now. That my friend is the sign of recovery and become stable again. I can wholeheartedly say now that all my pain has subsided after being on this community for almost an year. The reason why I am still lurking around this forum is not because I'm stuck but after reading 1000's of stories shared by other members, I feel I'm addicted to bpdfamily like my cup of coffee so I visit and read a couple of threads before working on my other tasks. I still think about my EX for a couple of seconds everyday not because I miss her but I'll be thinking about how to kick her ar$e when she shows up at my doorstep for recycle.

You say "BPD people should be held accountable for their dociopathic behaviour" but with all their mirroring and projection and triangulation, the disorder always wins and all we Non's know that very well. They'll make everyone believe whatever they say. They'll turn a 5 sec thought into Fact and hold onto it for several years.

As Blimblam said, compassion is your guide to freedom. The more and more you read about BPD, the more it'll make sense and all the anger we have for our EX will slowly fade away and you'll realize that the disorder is doing all the magic. It can't be cured and we're not saint to wait all our lifetime until our EX shows some signs of recovery. YOLO!
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freedom33
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« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2014, 09:00:26 AM »

They are not empty they just don't see themselves.

I am not sure if I can see them either. Here's something empirical - My xfg was working for the same company for at least a year before I noticed her. I mean I knew who she was but it was almost as if she was not carrying a presence. It was very strange. I don't think I had this with anyone else before.

Here's something theoretical - Does a mirror has an identify of its own? The only constant characteristic of a mirror i.e. that which makes a mirror a mirror is that it reflects the form of what is in front of them. This is also where it gets interesting for me with narcissism and narcissistic wounds/traits and how well they hooks with BPD - is it a coincidence that the myth goes that narcissus fall in love with his own reflection on a lake and eventually fall in and drowned?

Perhaps, if the mirror starts containing some of the contents that is mirrored on them it will slowly start to form a more stable core, ego identity, whatever we call this. But I still maintain that what one falls is love with is it's own self. A mirror doesnt have inherent form itself, it's form is no form. A paradox. And trying to understand paradox leads to madness and perhaps madness leads to more truth. Reminds me of buddhism.

Here's something personal. My ex was into Tibetan buddhism and compassion. She didn't practice it very well when it came to me. I was into Zen Buddhism and the sound of one hand clapping, I didn't practice it very well when it came to her. 
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« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2014, 09:13:25 AM »

I feel your pain, be strong hard as hell I know. Think of worse case scenarios other people go through (Kids in common +10 + 15 years relationships etc...

BPD's really get the Peer pressure mode 110% it crazy they don't know how to be strong or have their own thoughts they just go with the ''flow'' of the moment.

They really talk crap about you to their friends, how bad you are how bad you treat them how crazy you are.(Even when you are with them ''still'' in the relationship)And you are NOT what they say you are. In my case I was always there for everything giving the best of me! Off course I WAS THE BEAST for everyone she knew.

Its not nice when you start to think if ''You'' are really the crazy one, the one with problems... .Its incredible how they can manipulate you.

Heck they even talk about all your past relationship with the ''replacement'' as it happened to me, saying how bad how crazy you were. (When its totally the opposite). WHY THE heck would they do that? Easy, to be the victim so the new ''Replacement'' will go ahead and rescue the BPD. When the replacement or the new victim calls you and goes by another name telling you to get the #&$^ out of her life cause  she is in a new relationship (after 1 week) of ending the relationship, thats when you know how F up their situation or life is.

So imagine how bad they feel inside, they just have a huge mask to make others believe how happy they are. Their life is a huge mess, they can never be alone, they can never be at home in peace, they are always looking to be with someone to hang around late at night(I mean not even sleeping at their house) wether it is  the new replacement or with friends... .



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freedom33
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« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2014, 09:35:13 AM »

They really talk crap about you to their friends, how bad you are how bad you treat them how crazy you are.(Even when you are with them ''still'' in the relationship)

That was also what I have experienced. One argument in the rs and she would bad mouth me to all her friends. That was shocking to me when we started dating. I mean why would you do that? Until then I have kept my previous relationships matters private and to mysef mostly. I remember when I met some of her friends they were looking at me with disdain and disgust. As if I was the scum of the earth. She 'd do the same with her parents but they knew what was going on with her. When I met them they were really nice to me. They could see that I genuinely cared and loved her deeply. In fact during the last month together she was acting out again and started talking bad about me to her mother, how mean I am, how I want to destroy everything and how I don't love her. She told me about it and I asked her well what did your mother say? her mother said 'xgf honey! I think freedom33 really loves you!' It felt really good that her mother told her that and that she was honest to tell me.
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« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2014, 09:52:17 AM »

I'm buying this. I fell for her crap hook line and sinker. Loved me right away, was talking about marriage and kids right away. Idolized me. She never met someone like me or felt these feelings before. It was a whirlwind. Something magical finally happened to me. And I reciprocated. Ate it up in fact, just completely sucked in by what I now know was a trap.

When the BU happened to quickly and coldly, I simply couldn't understand how someone could go from that kind of talk, to basically being completely cold to me so quickly. It didn't seem human and I was distraught.

After getting into therapy and finding out about BPD, it makes a whole lot more sense. But not easier, now I am filled with self doubt and guilt over how I didn't see it, why I wanted to believe something as ridiculous as intense love at first site. (i never believed in it before) I also know that this is a pattern she's repeated with probably every boyfriend, told them all the same thins, that I wasn't special at all, just who she was fixated on at that time. That hurts and has me questioning everything about myself.

I wish I never met her.
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Hope0807
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« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2014, 10:31:06 AM »

antony_james,

I am with you.  I recently made a post "Ill or Evil" and have similar ideas.  Here's one:  my BPD ex's childhood experience paled in comparison to so many other grown ups who suffered horrific trauma and despite it all have arrived in a space in adulthood that is whole and capable of genuine emotional relationships with others.  I truly struggle with why I need to add on to my own guilt and shame by pardoning any bit of his intense cruelty due to his childhood. Some research says that there is a predisposed portion of the brain.  Either way, their behavior is disgusting and I wish there was more in the mainstream media about the devastation they leave behind.  I'm also several months out.

Best of luck to you.

Antony

The BPD is a person corrupted by the world. They have an overwhelming body of pain inside. The sociopath is born that way they don't have a wounded inner child.

Everyone has a wounded inner child besides sociopaths. The thing is normal people everyday display levels of culturally conditioned sociopathy so they can avoid feeling their inner pain. It's just in society we like to pick a group to be the bad guy. This is because the bad guy is dehumanized so therefore it is justified in our minds.  When a human becomes less than human we are able to justify a lack of compassion and bad behavior becomes excusable. Dehumanizations of other humans has led to the greatest atrocities in history.

It is caused by corruption and cultural conditions.

In my relationship with my ex I felt dehumanized by her and actions were sociopathic.  A lack of compassion. Corrupted by forces beyond her control. We have all been corrupted and it is the self rightiour person ignorant of this that has the greatest capacity for sociopathy justified by a currupt culturally conditioned belief.

The antidote to all of this is compassion. Let compassion be your guide to freedom and forgiveness through the pain. Compassion without limits. The limit on ones compassion is the point at which one has been corrupted by the material plane of society and mind.

Should pwBPD be held accountable for their actions? Absolutely.

Raz al guhl"Compassion is a virtue your enemies will not share"

Bruce Wayne "that's why it's so important"

See you are still talking about their wounded inner child. I want to talk about what we havd perecieved rather than the reasons behind their doings. The question is what has happened to you during the relationship, will it be different if you have been involved with a sociopath ? I dont think so

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Hope0807
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« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2014, 10:53:17 AM »

TheBPDSurvivor,

You made my day…truly!  As I sit here with my own cup of coffee and my laptop, enjoying the gentle last breezes of spring and browsing this board through tears and a heavy heart - I pray for the time in my life when the BPD ashes are no longer at my feet with every step I take.  I'm working hard to recover and heal.  Some days are easier than others.  I'm glad you "lurk" and know I too, will never stray too far from too long from this forum.  It's made too much of an impact on my healing.


I wouldn't bond to a sociopath like i did my ex. So yes.

There is something authentic about the borderline that I bonded so deeply too. I bonded to the inner child of my ex.

+1 I too fell for her inner child rather than her beauty and sexy body.  Talk about the rescuing personality of us, Co-Dependants. :D

AJ, Sociopaths don't have unstable moods and show impulsive behaviour and be Promiscuous.

I can especially relate so-much to your story because my RS also evolved and ended like yours. You said you're bored of the pain right now. That my friend is the sign of recovery and become stable again. I can wholeheartedly say now that all my pain has subsided after being on this community for almost an year. The reason why I am still lurking around this forum is not because I'm stuck but after reading 1000's of stories shared by other members, I feel I'm addicted to bpdfamily like my cup of coffee so I visit and read a couple of threads before working on my other tasks. I still think about my EX for a couple of seconds everyday not because I miss her but I'll be thinking about how to kick her ar$e when she shows up at my doorstep for recycle.

You say "BPD people should be held accountable for their dociopathic behaviour" but with all their mirroring and projection and triangulation, the disorder always wins and all we Non's know that very well. They'll make everyone believe whatever they say. They'll turn a 5 sec thought into Fact and hold onto it for several years.

As Blimblam said, compassion is your guide to freedom. The more and more you read about BPD, the more it'll make sense and all the anger we have for our EX will slowly fade away and you'll realize that the disorder is doing all the magic. It can't be cured and we're not saint to wait all our lifetime until our EX shows some signs of recovery. YOLO!

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« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2014, 11:57:40 AM »

blimblam you would bond to a sociopath (before enlightenment) because they are just charming as much as BPD people. the difference is BPD are charming (during the idealization phase) because they truly believe that you are their white knight in charming armor who would rescue them from their miserable life. it feels to them like God have sent you to rescue them (as much as we think the same too). the sociopath enters the relationship while he\she knows and plans for hooking you up, get his\her benefits then discard you. they know that they are going to discard you from day one of meeting you.


I was explaining the motives of both. what i am trying to point out now is that aside from the motives the result is the same. you are discarded. and yes discarded not devalued and not scapegoated. I have read some research papers that prove so. they discard. just like sociopaths and narcissists. they do not plan for it from day one but you get the same results like if you are in a r\s with a sociopath. emotional manipulation, push and pull, rages (to confuse you in case of a sociopath), verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse too. i do not care if they really feel they are the victims while they are not. my input was full of abuse. i do not care about my exs motives for her abusing me. in my eyes she does not differ from a sociopath. she has problems she should handle it. going around in life and attaching to people to transfer or ease your pain on them is not something that should be ok. The sociopath does not truly care if what he is doing is right or wrong. the BPD knows and care that he\she should always be right. though they deep inside know of their wrong doings yet they have to project it. I am aware of her punitive parent, angry child, lonely child and detached protector. does knowing such information in hindsight should make her the victim in my eyes and i should accept what happened to me. yes i accept that it happened but i am not ok with it. actually thinking this way tells a lot about the codependency issue still there (its not important what i feel even if i am feeling a victim. she is the victim).


yes she is a victim but who freaking cares. I am a victim here too. should i blame it on her abuser during her childhood ? he indirectly affected me but she is the one to be blamed. life dealt her a hand of cards (a very good one too ! i was ready to go through hardships for her) but she wasted it. yes her thinking is disordered but there was not a single sign that i would leave her. its like alcoholism. they enjoy what they are doing. like me i enjoy smoking a cigarette. its harmful and tastes bad but i enjoy the puff. the difference is that i do not harm anyone with me smoking but they do like to inflict their pain on you ! this is sociopathy right there.

Again i do not care about what goes inside their head. what i have witnessed of actions, words and rages is what i have experienced. this is all what matters for me. my pain is so deep that i can not empathize with her pain. for once in my life i want to be "selfish". to put myself first and this is my total right. i am knowledgeable of her disorder but that is not an excuse to not hold her accountable for what she did. yeah we know about her pain bla bla bla but what about mine ? Should not i feel that there were wrong doings targeted against me though i am innocent regarding my intentions with her ?

She should be held accountable for what she did as much as i hold my self accountable for my codependency and accepting a situation that i am not comfortable with. 
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« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2014, 12:05:08 PM »

read the stories here. One member asked while he is crying "why are you doing this ?" and the answer is "i want you to feel my pain" ! really what the heck. this is not sociopathy ? what about the others that wake up to find them moved out and not a single peep afterwards. what is that kind of ZERO empathy ? aint it sociopathy ? what about the sex as a tool ? aint this sociopathy ? what about the social scene to make you look bad ? aint this sociopathy ? what about the smear campaign after the break up ? aint this sociopathy ?
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« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2014, 12:18:05 PM »

read the stories here. One member asked while he is crying "why are you doing this ?" and the answer is "i want you to feel my pain" ! really what the heck.

I can confirm this one from my own experience antony_james. She said to me once that 'Borderlines sometimes do what they do because they want to make others experience and feel what they feel'.

I can feel your pain. You, all of us really have been hurt and abused. It 's ok to feel angry and vent. This is a safe place.
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« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2014, 12:49:42 PM »

read the stories here. One member asked while he is crying "why are you doing this ?" and the answer is "i want you to feel my pain" ! really what the heck.

I can confirm this one from my own experience antony_james. She said to me once that 'Borderlines sometimes do what they do because they want to make others experience and feel what they feel'.

I can feel your pain. You, all of us really have been hurt and abused. It 's ok to feel angry and vent. This is a safe place.

freedom33 i am here since the beginning of april. i have noticed two types of people here. some come and just post 20 or 30 posts maximum, get the knowledge and get over it. others like me and blimblam come and stay here for long. it shows that this experience has touched us more. not that we are weaker but that our expectations out of our last r\s was much higher. I know a lot about cluster B disorders that my therapist was asking me questions about some new info i know about BPD and i jokingly told him that he is the one who should pay me this session. really there is nothing new here happening but still the pain inside. i am back to anger and despair. you know how long did my ex last with me ? six weeks ! and i am here mourning for 6 months now. really what the heck ?
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« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2014, 12:57:17 PM »

TheBPDSurvivor,

You made my day…truly!  As I sit here with my own cup of coffee and my laptop, enjoying the gentle last breezes of spring and browsing this board through tears and a heavy heart - I pray for the time in my life when the BPD ashes are no longer at my feet with every step I take.  I'm working hard to recover and heal.  Some days are easier than others.  I'm glad you "lurk" and know I too, will never stray too far from too long from this forum.  It's made too much of an impact on my healing.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt Hope0807. I'm not sure how long your relationship lasted but mine started and ended all within a month. Initially I thought its some kinda rebound relationship because all the showers of love and affection made me a little uncomfortable because they were unreal and I felt like I'm flying above the sky! Its like a vivid dream come true. God only knows how much I'm gonna get hurt in the following weeks when I fall from that high.Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

They say time heals everything and its soo true in all our case. We're not one who failed to succeed in a loving relationship but a victim of emotional abusers and soul suckers.

The more and more you love yourself, the quicker those BPD ashes will be swept away. So how did I love myself?

When looking back, I'm a confident person who lost all his self-esteem and failed to achieve my life goals after the breakup and this breakup is not a typical one. After a littlewhile of weeping over the lost love, I realized I've only one life to enjoy in this beautiful planet. I shared my BPD story to all my friends. Some of them wondered and some of them listened to but none of them gave any advice or support but I guess it wouldn't work even if they did. The pain was then replaced by a numb feeling after a couple of months. I felt nothing but empty inside.    (Maybe thats how BPD feels all the time?)

Days passed by and I read so many articles about co-dependency and realized that; as a co-dependent, I'm expecting someone to lift me up after I fall in this deep pit because thats what I'd do if someone needs some help.

The only to take my life back is to hold my breath and climb out of the pit by myself no matter how hard it is and I finally did it!

I got a new haircut, new clothings, new perfume, new songs, every little things that reminds me about my ex were replaced! I gone out more with my friends and enjoyed life.

Set some short-term goals and achieved it one at a time. It looked like I'm taking back my happy life and thats when the BPDex called me. I stayed like a rock and ignored her like she has nothing to do with my life. Its my life now and I've all the reasons to kick out whoever comes on my way to achieve my goals.

I already got a new car, registered my new company(business) and got a lot new girlfriends who already started showing some hints but I don't really need a relationship now. Its not like I hate it but I want to enjoy the single life and travel around the world. The one who hold the key to our happiness is truly us. Once you realize this, everything in your life will take a complete 180 degree turn.

I'm not sure if its a coincidence but your name has 0807 which is the Date and Month of my birth. 8th July Smiling (click to insert in post)

Sending you a lot of hugs...    

Much power to you!
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TheBPDSurvivor

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« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2014, 01:45:52 PM »

you know how long did my ex last with me ? six weeks ! and i am here mourning for 6 months now. really what the heck ?

Consider yourself lucky AJ because mine lasted less than 4 weeks over a long distance relationship and she travelled 1100 Kms 3 times within that timeframe and 2 making outs and my breakup was on last Sep 10.

I have a story to tell you though. On the night of my breakup, I found my replacement on her FB and he had his wechat(smartphone app) id on his profile. I made a fake wechat profile and added him. Meanwhile I was trying to call my ex to know the reason for the breakup but her number was busy. This guy then replied after 30 mins and I introduced myself like one of my friend and said to him that this b|tch is fishing peoples for sex and she drained out my friend(me) and will repeat the same with you. I said my friend(me) is trying to call her for a while but her number is busy; he then replied like "I'll hang up the call with her now so your friend can talk with her" So I told him a short history how she know my friend(me) bla bla bla... He then said like "dont worry bro, the ball is now in my court. I'll cause her all the pain she inflicted on your friend(me). Ask your friend to find a good girl. I'll teach her the lesson" and you know what? After almost an year, his FB is inactive now and rarely posts something and its nothing but sadistic quotes.

I wanted to rescue him but he fell with this girl even after my warning. Who's to blame here?

Sometimes you need to ignore someone's wrongdoings and move on with your life. In this case, you gotta run!
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antjs
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« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2014, 02:07:55 PM »

so BPDsurvivor your relationship lasted for less than 4 weeks and you are here for a year now ? wow this is not good news for me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Blimblam
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« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2014, 03:42:43 PM »

Ask yourself at the time why did you love them so much?  Not the story you made up after arriving here. At the time how did you feel?
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« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2014, 04:21:26 PM »

Ask yourself at the time why did you love them so much?  Not the story you made up after arriving here. At the time how did you feel?

Because for the first 3-4 months she seemed like my dream girl. Completely idolized me, was into everything I was into. Escalated intimacy quickly, made me feel safe, like she'd never leave me. said things like "she'll love me forever, never met anyone like me, never felt like this about anyone before"

I thought I hit the jackpot.
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antjs
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« Reply #24 on: September 20, 2014, 04:24:35 PM »

Ask yourself at the time why did you love them so much?  Not the story you made up after arriving here. At the time how did you feel?

Believe me when i say that i did not edit a line in my story. I even kept revising dome partsnof the story with my friends (they witnessed some events) because of self doubt and gaslighting. Some of the reasons has changed. For example. I did really love her. Later i found that i loved that i am being needed when i learned about codependency. But even codependents love genuinely. Codependents can stay together forever. The reason for love is not healthy but it does not deny its true existence. At least there is object constancy.
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« Reply #25 on: September 20, 2014, 04:26:49 PM »

Ask yourself at the time why did you love them so much?  Not the story you made up after arriving here. At the time how did you feel?

Because for the first 3-4 months she seemed like my dream girl. Completely idolized me, was into everything I was into. Escalated intimacy quickly, made me feel safe, like she'd never leave me. said things like "she'll love me forever, never met anyone like me, never felt like this about anyone before"

I thought I hit the jackpot.

How did you feel.
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tim_tom
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« Reply #26 on: September 20, 2014, 04:33:04 PM »

How did you feel.

Amazing! In love like never before. Like I had met my soulmate and was going to be in love for the rest of my life.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #27 on: September 20, 2014, 04:40:09 PM »

How did you feel.

Amazing! In love like never before. Like I had met my soulmate and was going to be in love for the rest of my life.

Soulmate.  Meaning the 2 became 1. And you felt "god". Then you became aware of the body of pain between your ego and that endless love at your core.  You became aware of all the rest of the pain that exists in the now.  But you felt that endless love in the now before so it exists.  It was within you the entire time. But now you must feel all the pain in the now untill you reach that place within. This is the journey.
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antjs
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« Reply #28 on: September 20, 2014, 04:55:30 PM »

How did you feel.

Amazing! In love like never before. Like I had met my soulmate and was going to be in love for the rest of my life.

Soulmate.  Meaning the 2 became 1. And you felt "god". Then you became aware of the body of pain between your ego and that endless love at your core.  You became aware of all the rest of the pain that exists in the now.  But you felt that endless love in the now before so it exists.  It was within you the entire time. But now you must feel all the pain in the now untill you reach that place within. This is the journey.

Blimblam can you clarify what you are saying ?
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Blimblam
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« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2014, 05:01:23 PM »

How did you feel.

Amazing! In love like never before. Like I had met my soulmate and was going to be in love for the rest of my life.

Soulmate.  Meaning the 2 became 1. And you felt "god". Then you became aware of the body of pain between your ego and that endless love at your core.  You became aware of all the rest of the pain that exists in the now.  But you felt that endless love in the now before so it exists.  It was within you the entire time. But now you must feel all the pain in the now untill you reach that place within. This is the journey.

Blimblam can you clarify what you are saying ?

2 souls mated and became 1. When they leave we do not feel whole. That our other half is missing. But the other half was always there. The ego and the source within feel the body of pain that "seperated" us from the source within but this pain is our link to the source. So now the pain must be experienced as the ego decends to the source to become whole again.
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