Hi Heavenly,
I am glad you found us. There is a lot of info here. It is a good idea to get a book too. I have read several and "Overcoming BPD" by Valerie Porr has a really good focus on parents loving their kids of all ages with BPD. She incorporates the current neuroscience research into her book. I really appreciated that. There is a review under Foundation Reading in the sidebar to the right.
My fantasy is to fill the car with gas and drive until it runs out. That is where I will start my life over. When this fantasy starts to take on a 'real life' in my mind, that is when I know to reach out to my support network. Who do you have in your life that can help you during this really difficult time? Self-care is necessary to find the energy and courage to put all these tools and info to work.
Hi I have a 23 yr old daughter, recently diagnosed. She has been on and off suicidal since 16, and I have been trying to get her to engage in therapy. Her attempts usually coincide with binge drinking ? Drugs and nights on the town. The next day she says she doesn't want to talk about it and gets angry. I really feel like I am walking on eye shells in my own home. She still lives at home. Each times she moves out it doesn't last long and she attempts suicide again.
I copied this from your post "Newbie". Do you know of any dual-dx programs in your area? They focus on both the alcohol/drug use and the mental health issues. They really do seem to 'feed' off of each other. I have experienced with my DD28 that if she gets off the street drugs she is better able to respond to treatment. She has a 6-8 week pattern of putting effort into getting better, then she gets overwhelmed and returns to the friends with drugs. Down the spiral she slips.
Amazingly though our relationship has improved over the past couple of years. Still a roller coaster ride; I still get depressed and distressed; she ends up with serious consequences for her raging anger. Yet, when she is clean, there is a sense of self-reflection and accepting her part in the trouble she has been in. She desires to live a better lifestyle. I am hopeful that the mental health team she has right now will stick together for her and her with them.
Working through the resources here and then practicing the tools everywhere in my life has contributed to the improvements, little by little. Building a support network for myself has been a life saver as well. T's, dh, faith, friends, mentor with support group... . What do you have for yourself? This disease takes so much out of us -- we have to become willing to take care of ourselves. This is so hard after years of putting DD's needs first.
She tried anti depressants and was a little better but put on weight so stopped taking them. She was then even more miserable and hypersensitive since she has not been able to loose weight. Partly because her eating is also so erratic and she gets up in the night to eat sweets.
My DD has struggled with this too. She has learned to be very clear with her pdoc's about this side effect. There are some to try that do not cause weight gain. Meds. don't work if our kids don't take them! Is your D currently seeing a therapist? Does she allow you to speak to the T? Our young adult kids need their family to be there. This is so hard with all the privacy laws now - starting in mental health at 16 in our state.
When she is suicidal she usually calls her dad and his partner and gives them a tirade of abuse. She was very close to him before our marriage broke down when she was 11. He very quickly moved on with another lady and her kids. This seems to be a big trigger for her. She loves him but he keeps letting her down with empty promises that things will change.
This sounds like a very big trigger for her. When she is distressed and reaches out to him in a way that pushes him away. This is one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. That DD's raging and anger push me away when she most needs to feel worthy of my love. Even when I understand this as a projection of her own feelings against herself it is hard to stay safely connected to her.
It is easy as a loving parent to try and carry the entire burden of our child's BPD as if it is something we could have prevented or at least made better. Sadly, our culture supports the guilt and shame instead of supporting the parents in connecting in healthier ways with their kids.
Please be kind to yourself with this. As you read and learn here I hope you can experience that understanding and relief of letting go of this burden. Please come back and let us know how things are going. If you have any questions, need support, or just need to vent, we are here for you. We understand. We care.
qcr
