dealing with disinterest

[Ewing]

my wife, sleeps a lot.  often she will get up when i come home.  She will then follow me and look sad.  I don't know how to deal with it.  She is depressed and looking to me but i don't feel like there is an answer i can give that will help.  She seems ungrateful for my attempts and it hurts.  I try to do my own thing and not be affected by her moods, still the fact she really doesn't have interests and i want to create a spark makes it hurt.  thank you all 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Moselle]

my wife, sleeps a lot.  often she will get up when i come home.  She will then follow me and look sad.  I don't know how to deal with it.  She is depressed and looking to me but i don't feel like there is an answer i can give that will help.  She seems ungrateful for my attempts and it hurts.  I try to do my own thing and not be affected by her moods, still the fact she really doesn't have interests and i want to create a spark makes it hurt.  thank you all 

Hello Ewing,

Welcome!

This sounds frustrating and painful for you. You have great company on this forum :-)

What you describe sounds like depression. Which is painful to handle on its own. Are there other symptoms that led you to bpdfamily?

[Ewing]

my wife, sleeps a lot.  often she will get up when i come home.  She will then follow me and look sad.  I don't know how to deal with it.  She is depressed and looking to me but i don't feel like there is an answer i can give that will help.  She seems ungrateful for my attempts and it hurts.  I try to do my own thing and not be affected by her moods, still the fact she really doesn't have interests and i want to create a spark makes it hurt.  thank you all 

Hello Ewing,

Welcome!

This sounds frustrating and painful for you. You have great company on this forum :-)

What you describe sounds like depression. Which is painful to handle on its own. Are there other symptoms that led you to bpdfamily?

Yes.  She has been dealing with mental illness for some time.  The most recent diagnosis is BPD though i take little stock in diagnosis.  She does manifest many of the characteristics associated with the diagnosis.  I stumbled across the board and saw that many threads dealt with the emotional bulldozer she can be and how it effects a significant other.     

[Moselle]

Yes.  She has been dealing with mental illness for some time.  The most recent diagnosis is BPD though i take little stock in diagnosis.  She does manifest many of the characteristics associated with the diagnosis.  I stumbled across the board and saw that many threads dealt with the emotional bulldozer she can be and how it effects a significant other.

   

OK, BPD traits are extremely stressful for a significant other (SO). It can be so complex and confusing.

You're right diagnosis in itself, is not a cure-all, in fact it is just a start. Did she get herself diagnosed?

In terms of yourself, there are many helps on this forum. See the Lessons on the RHS of this page. There is a lot of good info in there as some tools and skills to learn, experiment and apply. It takes time to understand this stuff, but it's well worth it.