will a BPD , being abused understand she is being abused?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Does she even have the mental capasity, confirm she is being abused?

So lets say she does not , will she experience some impact later on like depression , etc, and make the connection?

I know a relationship where she is exploiyed  when he need sex, she might abuse him too, not shure.

She has a history of abusive relationships, beating and mental assaults.

[borderdude]

Does she even have the mental capasity, confirm she is being abused?

So lets say she does not , will she experience some impact later on like depression , etc, and make the connection?

I know a relationship where she is exploiyed  when he need sex, she might abuse him too, not shure.

She has a history of abusive relationships, beating and mental assaults.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[HappyChappy]

My BPDm has taken abuse from her GC NPD son (my B). Yet she will defend his clearly indefensible behaviour time and time again. My Dad has said many times, my NPD isn't allowed in his house - my BPDm just laughs that off, overrulles and opens up to more abuse from him. He once slapped her and raged because his Dinner wasn't on the table when he wanted it. She has also done this with a neighbour spinster who lived alone, no friends. Every time she was invited over she would be abusive to us all, especially my BPDm. We would say no she isn't coming over, she again would overrule and invite this (possible NPD) woman back. So in answer to your question, I believe this is an example of the conflict a BPD has between the real world and her fantasy world. Between her conscious and unconscious thoughts and behaviour. Aware of some things and not others.

In terms of how abuse effects a BPD, I think it’s markedly different. Consider the vampire analogy, a BPD will thrive on an argument, nons get drained. Consider Rianna’s song lyric “I like it when it hurts”. I know my BPDm had a harrowing upbringing, and goes calm when things kick off, as she’s in her element. She normaly kicks things off. But in peace time, she’s restless, irritable and aggressive. Always trying to provoke someone. I've often read, a BPD may not be aware of where her provokactions lead her, but she's aware.

[AnnaK]

My BPDm has taken abuse from her GC NPD son (my B). Yet she will defend his clearly indefensible behaviour time and time again. My Dad has said many times, my NPD isn't allowed in his house - my BPDm just laughs that off, overrulles and opens up to more abuse from him. He once slapped her and raged because his Dinner wasn't on the table when he wanted it. She has also done this with a neighbour spinster who lived alone, no friends. Every time she was invited over she would be abusive to us all, especially my BPDm. We would say no she isn't coming over, she again would overrule and invite this (possible NPD) woman back. So in answer to your question, I believe this is an example of the conflict a BPD has between the real world and her fantasy world. Between her conscious and unconscious thoughts and behaviour. Aware of some things and not others.

In terms of how abuse effects a BPD, I think it’s markedly different. Consider the vampire analogy, a BPD will thrive on an argument, nons get drained. Consider Rianna’s song lyric “I like it when it hurts”. I know my BPDm had a harrowing upbringing, and goes calm when things kick off, as she’s in her element. She normaly kicks things off. But in peace time, she’s restless, irritable and aggressive. Always trying to provoke someone. I've often read, a BPD may not be aware of where her provokactions lead her, but she's aware.

It´s very strange, my BPD-bf finally attacked me drunk, but being a muay thai fighter (he´s a boxer), I kept him out of range, so he could not touch me. Nobody got hurt. But I swear, since then he looked at me as if now I am going to abuse him. Like in his system of coordinate, whoever is stronger is supposed to abuse the other, and I was in position to kick him, while he could not use his fists... .

Obviously in my system of coordinates, it´s irrelevant for the most household purposes, who has a better punch.

[hope2727]

"Like in his system of coordinate, whoever is stronger is supposed to abuse the other"

That is so interesting. My BPD was in a long term abusive marriage where he was the victim. It wouldn't surprise me if she was BPD too. Then he was stable with me for a long time. Then he went to a new job with a NPD person who treats him like an abused spouse. Uses him then throws him away. He immediately started treating me with verbal and emotional abuse. I pointed out that he has turned from victim to perpetrator and for a moment he recognized it. Then he projected it onto me and said I abused him. Interesting. Perhaps they simply can't stand baseline normal healthy interactions. They have to have either the victim or abuser role not ever having learned any other.

[waverider]

Lack of a sense of self and accordingly lack of their own boundaries commonly puts them in this situation. Almost like self degradation is a form of self harm, or even validating their own sense of worthlessness.

At times bad attention is better than no attention, the focus is still on them. He hits ME, or yells at ME, he blames ME. "I" am worthless.

They can welcome or accept the abuse because it fits in with their view of the world at that time. Later they will see it for what it is, and then add some. Hence the histories of how they have been mistreated by everyone they ever knew. It is what they expect, and why they freely accuse you of being no different.

Fight or flight makes them feel alive. They dont do indifference or middle ground very well, everything is extreme.

This abuse they can then project onto someone else, often in a different form, but that is often the origins of the abuse they dish out.