DSD's coping... kinda sad

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have noticed that the past couple of years, DSD17 has been isolating herself more and more.  The drama is over as we are no longer in court (well, as over as it can be with BPD mom), but DSD is still seeming to hole herself up in her own little world.  She only sees us two weekends a month, she has some social outings, but not many.  Her friends text her invitations, but she often does not want to go.  More strangely, I think, is that she does not participate in social media at all.  She does not do twitter, facebook, or instagram (she has accounts, but she hasn't been on them in over a year).  She does pinterest, but she told me she does not connect with anyone she knows there because she doesn't want her friends knowing that she likes dolls.  Her dad bought her driver's ed that she can do online, and she comes here to have her YOUNGER siblings drive her places, but she shows no interest in driving either.

It makes me wonder if she just doesn't want to know what the world out here is really like... .

Any thoughts as to what this may be and how we can help during our limited time with her?

[sanemom]

I have noticed that the past couple of years, DSD17 has been isolating herself more and more.  The drama is over as we are no longer in court (well, as over as it can be with BPD mom), but DSD is still seeming to hole herself up in her own little world.  She only sees us two weekends a month, she has some social outings, but not many.  Her friends text her invitations, but she often does not want to go.  More strangely, I think, is that she does not participate in social media at all.  She does not do twitter, facebook, or instagram (she has accounts, but she hasn't been on them in over a year).  She does pinterest, but she told me she does not connect with anyone she knows there because she doesn't want her friends knowing that she likes dolls.  Her dad bought her driver's ed that she can do online, and she comes here to have her YOUNGER siblings drive her places, but she shows no interest in driving either.

It makes me wonder if she just doesn't want to know what the world out here is really like... .

Any thoughts as to what this may be and how we can help during our limited time with her?

[ForeverDad]

As an almost-adult, is she receptive to meaningful counseling without her mother's meddling?  I can't quite identify what I suspect but could it be depression or even regression to childhood?  Her mother sabotaged her emotional growth and progress.  As bad as acting-in is, at least it isn't acting-out like her mother.  She may be damaged and a victim but hopefully not a carbon copy of her mother.

In a few months her mother won't hold any legal power over her.  If she can manage to emotionally escape her mother's control she could choose to visit more often?

[DreamGirl]

I can see why you're concerned -- I have 5 teens and it's hard to keep them home.

Does she hang out with friends when she's with her mom?

[Panda39]

Hi sanemom,

Is your DSD naturally introverted?  If she is she might just need to re-charge.

Any idea what things are like at mom's?  What is she having to deal with there? 

This could be some kind of depression or anxiety.  Have you talked with her about your concerns?  Would she be willing to talk with a therapist?  How long has this been going on?  What was her personality like before? What kinds of changes have been going on in her life recently? Have you tried drawing her out by doing something she particularly enjoys? How's school been for her lately?

20 questions anyone?    - Just trying to get more of a feel for what's been going on